Look the Other Way
by Pikachumaniac
Summary: Ryou returns to Domino for a reunion only to encounter the man he ran away from 8 years ago: Kaiba Seto. Now Seto’s been given a rare opportunity: a week to win Ryou back. Sequel to Fairydust; SetoRyou. (Completed 713)
1. Flight 713

Disclaimer: Unfortunately no, but I'm sure that once I complete my plans for world domination, it will no longer be an issue. *smirk*

Look the Other Way

Summary: Ryou returns to Domino for a reunion only to encounter the man he ran away from 8 years ago: Kaiba Seto. Now Seto's been given a rare opportunity: a week to win Ryou back. Sequel to "Fairydust"; Seto*Ryou

PM: ^_^ Hi, minna! It's glad to see all of you back again! :) Arigatou gozaimasu for all those wonderful reviews for the last chapter of "Fairydust"… They were really nice, and I appreciated all of them very much.

Yami: -_-;; She wouldn't stop squealing over them.

PM: *mumble* You didn't hear me complaining when rabid fangirls carried you off for being a sex god.

Ryou and Ryuuji: *snicker*

PM: Anyhow, ignoring them, this story is going to be more serious than its predecessor, although I guess you can kinda tell it by the summary. Also, I guess it's not necessary to read "Fairydust" for any newcomers; there will be, however, allusions to that story, but hopefully not too confusing for those who don't want to read it. ^^;;

Ryuuji: We can summarize it right here anyway! It's just him *jerks thumb at Ryou* whining a lot.

Ryou: Are you still bitter about me calling you a slut?

Ryuuji: *GLARE* YES!

PM: O_O! ANYHOW, the couplings in this story will be Seto*Ryou, Yuugi*Anzu, Honda*Otogi, and Jyounouchi*Mai. The story will be written Seto and Ryou POVs, although the majority will be in Ryou's POV. This chapter takes place on Saturday… and that's it! ^o^ Enjoy, minna! *waves*

The usual thank you's: I wish I could individually thank every one of you for your reviews, but that'd take too much space and I don't want to scare everyone off with that scary paragraph ^^;;. But I enjoyed all of them and once again, I thank you for taking the time to read the story. You have all made me feel satisfied and proud of the fact that I managed to finish "Fairly", and truly it was thanks to all of you. Special thanks to Wildwolf-chan, Nalan-san, and Neko-chan (perhaps I should call you Neko-chan-chan? *ducks FPoD*). And my deepest thanks to rayemars-san for beta-ing and dealing with my usual whining and hideous grammar.

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Rated PG for shounen-ai and language

~ Flight 713 [1] ~

I have a friend who is insanely obsessed with this one actor… it's gotten to the point where every time she opens her mouth, I want to scream bloody murder and just run out of the room without ever looking back. Maybe take up a residence in a foreign country where they've never heard of the guy… I heard that Siberia is a nice place this time of year. Unfortunately, I have this sinking suspicion that she might come after me if I ever tried to do that… and I bet on the _entire_ plane trip home, she'll yap about this guy until I want to scream or claw at my ears to the point of gushing blood. If I hadn't already.

I was first introduced to this… I forgot his name already, since it's long and relatively unimportant to the point that I am trying to make… (despite the fact that I tend to ramble on for long periods of time, there is indeed a point to this long tirade) when she literally tied me to a chair and made me watch a movie with her. The movie wasn't that new or anything, a couple years old, and I guess it wasn't that bad… but frankly, I don't really know what's so great about that guy. I mean… even Otogi-kun looks better, and Otogi-kun isn't even my type.

And yes, I do have a type. Unfortunately, I don't quite know nor understand what that type is exactly.

Anyhow, one of the scenes that stood out to my mind from this movie… the title was _Catch Me If You Can_, if I remember correctly, was the part where the main character (my friend's favorite actor) escaped the airplane through the toilet.

I don't know how he managed to do it, and I personally think that the whole business is rather disgusting and if I was in _his_ position, I would be deathly worried about accidentally finding myself in the engine turbines and getting on the front page of all major American newspapers with the title of 'Japanese Environmentalist Found Chopped Like Liver in Engine Turbines'… but at the moment, I can't help but wish that I could perform his amazing trick right now. All I would have to do it excuse myself and go to the bathroom… make sure I don't end up in a place where I can see daylight through slits… and run away smelling quite badly and picking little pieces of soggy paper out of my hair.

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic…

How could I have ended up in this position anyway? What on _earth_ could have possessed me to agree to do this… _agree_ to return to the place which contains a person which caused me to _deliberately_ move to America, a place that is far away enough that a plane trip is rabidly inconvenient? There is a reason why I never went back after I left… a reason why I moved here in the first place.

So why am I in this position? Why, why, _why_ am I sitting on some metal bird which is going to take off in approximately ten minutes when once upon a time I vowed that I would rather go through heart surgery without anesthesia before I would ever _contemplate_ doing such a thing?

In a way, it seems odd that I should be so scared of going back to Domino City after I yearned for that place when I was younger. After otousan gave me the Sennen Ring, and all my friends began disappearing or randomly popping up unconscious, I spent my entire time… alone. The spirit in the Sennen Ring wasn't exactly what one would want to call company… besides, I didn't even know he _existed_ until after I met Yuugi-tachi… Yuugi-kun with the Sennen Puzzle.

Before that, I just thought I was becoming schizophrenic or having a multiple personality disorder. I mean, it's not like one would immediately suspect that the voices in his mind is _really_ an arrogant, ancient spirit who was also a self-named _touzoku ou_ [2]. People just don't tend to do those kinds of things, you know? It's not exactly the automatic reaction that one gets.

I could be wrong though. I've been wrong quite often before, and if I had to list the number of times I've been wrong, we'll be long gone before I can get half way through a list.

Damn.

I thought I had gotten over this by now… I thought that some time over the past couple of years, I had gotten over this insecurity. People always say that with a little bit of self-will, you can banish these insecurities and grow to be a secure person… or at least, that's what they claim. Considering my personal experiences, it's no wonder that I put little stock in such claims, especially since it just doesn't work. It is my experience that the more you try to banish insecurities, the more insecure you get… or perhaps I just have problems. Which is a given, I suppose.

The thing is that I don't _want_ to be here. And I don't specifically mean on the airplane, but simply being in this position for life… every morning, I can't help but think that none of this should have happened, that my life _shouldn't_ have ended up happening this way. And the biggest problem with all of this is that I know exactly why all of this has happened.

One morning. One morning and one decision was all that took… or perhaps I was the one who let it happen by being silly enough to throw myself completely into a relationship which was doomed from the start.

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder (in loud, screaming words that make me go half-deaf even though the words come from my own mind) why I persist in tormenting myself in these ways. Shouldn't I have learned from my past by now? Shouldn't I have learned that doing this to myself gets no results, but just makes my life even more of a living hell? And why is it that even though these words ring loudly and truly in my mind, I still do not accept them?

It's a curse. I know that it must be some type of curse. Maybe that sorceress chasing after Kaitou Kid [3] has decided to turn her attention to spirit-inhabiting hosts, and she's out to make my life a living hell. As if I needed any more help with something like that … but I have to admit that she is doing a very good job. Just one event over eight years ago has managed to destroy all the dreams I had for life. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that it's really quite pathetic that I allowed just one event to change me like this, but I don't know how to reverse it now. Is it too late for me to do so, or should I strive to change myself for the better?

Although if there's one thing I've learned from my own experiences, it's that you can't change the past. This might seem pretty obvious and it is very obvious, but you'll be amazed at how often people tend to forget that. Or perhaps it is merely that I keep forgetting it, or simply ignoring the fact because I do not know how many times I have tried to change the past only to make everything worse. I seem to be incapable of making the right decision, but that's a different story.

I resist the urge to let out a groan as the plane starts to move, and I slide further down in my seat as I wonder for only the millionth time of how I allowed myself to be manipulated into this seat. One would hope I had more common sense than that, but apparently not as I am sitting here. And the plane is about to take off.

On the one and only positive note, at least I can blame Jyounouchi-kun for getting me into this position. That man needs to learn how to take 'no' for an answer, and since when did he become so dang responsible anyway? It was as if he knew I had no intention of doing anything in preparation of going to Japan, so he did all the arrangements for me short of flying over on his own in order to pack my clothes. The part of me that would have felt immensely guilty if I had let his gesture go unnoticed is the only reason why I managed to pack on my own and haul myself to the airplane, although it didn't stop me from hoping that the car would crash and I would end up in the hospital with a broken arm or two.

I knew this was a bad idea… If not for my health, then definitely my sanity… or as evidenced by the fact that I'm _still on this hideous metallic piece of scrap metal_, my lack thereof of that oh so wonderful before-mentioned characteristic. But hey, who needs sanity anyway? I'm sure I can make a nice living without it, working as a bank robber or drug dealer.

~ * ~ 2 Weeks Ago ~ * ~

"I'm not going," I resist the urge to throw the phone out the window and spend the rest of my life living as a hermit in a remote part of Greenland as I say these words for what has to be the millionth time, "and you're not going to change my mind, Jyounouchi-kun!"

Another thing I want to yell before I call the telephone company to disconnect my phone service is to demand how on earth did Jyounouchi-kun get my phone number?! There is a reason why I have remained unlisted… and a reason why I do not give certain friends with unreasonably big mouths my number!

And whoever it was is going to be happily strangled with a telephone cord, or killed by Spam. Or perhaps I'll send a hit man, that could always work.

"Of course you are," Jyounouchi-kun casually brushes off my heart-felt protests as if they are unimportant, which I suppose they are when it comes to him, "You've done your best to avoid us, I know. But it's been eight years since graduation, and the most we've got from you is a couple of e-mails and some book covers. We're very proud of the accomplishments you've succeeded at, but that doesn't mean that we're satisfied with that. Come on, you can't avoid us forever. Besides, Anzu is pregnant. The least you can do is come over here and say 'congratulations'."

Great. Guilt trip. Not that it's ever going to work. I'd rather be tortured in non-denominational hell for all eternity rather than be back in Domino for a week, let alone two weeks. And of all people, Jyounouchi-kun should know that unless he's been getting hit in the head more often than usual and his skull has finally cracked. Something that wouldn't surprise me that much, as he has a rather bad habit of being in precisely the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Listen Jyounouchi-kun," I finally growl, "I'll try to use very small and simple words in order to convey the many thoughts I am having at the moment in reference to coming to Domino City. I would rather be trapped in a very small room with ravenous wolves than be in Domino again. I'll rather be locked in a wooden chest with scorpions. I'll rather be burned alive or go through the old British punishments for traitors consisting of hanging, being cut down before I'm dead, having my intestines burned in front of my eyes, and finally beheaded and quartered. But I repeat for the final time, I will not be caught dead in Domino City for any circumstances whatsoever. Do you understand?"

"Great! So I'll be seeing you there in two weeks, all right?" is the blithe, carefree answer.

I can only blink while gaping at the phone incredulously, "Listen, Jyounouchi-kun, I don't think you have yet to fully understand what I am trying to say!"

Actually, my gut level feeling is saying that Jyounouchi-kun knows exactly what I'm trying to say, but he's just ignoring it as he usually does. Something he is particularly good at, actually, much to my chagrin.

Especially now.

"So I'll go tell the others and call you when I've gotten everything ready. Is that okay, Bakura?" Jyounouchi-kun continues cheerfully. My eyebrow twitches as I clench the phone tighter, resisting the urge to just pull the plug out of its socket and throw the entire set out of the window.

"No… no… NO, it is not okay!" I yell, "Don't you _dare_ hang up Jyounouchi-kun! Do you hear me?! Jyounouchi Katsuya, do _not _hang up that phone!"

"I'll talk to you later then," he practically chirps as I picture him already putting the phone back on its hook or a finger moving to press the off button.

"Ch… chotto matte!" [1] my voice is at an unmistakable shriek, "Jyounou…"

Click!

My bloodless fingers are still clenched around the phone before it slips out of my fingers, dropping to the ground as I stare out the window.

Before I scream, pick up the phone, and throw it out the window with a sickening crash. An action that I know for sure my neighbors will not be appreciating.

~ * ~ Present

The plane jerks as it lands in the country I fled eight years ago, bringing me back to bittersweet reality (whether for better or for worse). Honestly, can anyone be more pathetic than I, who has let one event from eight years back completely dominate my life? Perhaps this is for the better, as coming back to Domino forces me to face all the things I left behind.

Demo [4], I don't _want_ to face the things I've left behind. I would gladly prefer having them buried under layers of memories, thank you very much. There's a reason I had them buried, a reason that I would prefer not to delve into now or ever.

Oh Kami-sama, how on _earth_ do I manage to obsess so much?

As the lights turn on, I get up and start going about my business almost robotically, waiting patiently for the other people next to me to get out before I do. Lucky for me that Jyounouchi-kun arranged airplane tickets towards the front of the plane so I don't have to wait as long as if I had sat in the back, although that is probably because he remembers that I get a bit air sick, especially when sitting in the back of the plane.

I can't help but bite my lip as I think of Jyounouchi-kun again. All right, so he arranged all of this against my wishes, but it was bound to happen someday, and at least I didn't have to do anything but pay the bills. He's arranged all of this for me, and I should be grateful rather than devising intelligent ways of getting out of this horrible mess.

Besides, realistically, what is the chance that I'll run into… _him_ anyway? Domino City is a big place, and with all the arrangements Jyounouchi-kun has planned, I'm sure that it is unlikely we will ever run into each other. And that is definitely for the better.

Customs is a long chore, another reminder of the inconveniences moving to America makes when it came to returning to Japan. And yes, I'm sure it sounds lame and very childish… but… that's what I've been doing.

I spend most of the time staring ahead until I reach the counter, and I politely thank the agent before walking away from the airport, from my last chance of running back onto the plane. There's no turning back after this, is there? I feel like I'm walking to the executioner's block, and from the way my thoughts sound, everybody probably thinks I am too.

"Oy! Bakura-kun!" the familiar voice brings a smile to my lips, and it's not a tight, fake smile. Cause even though he's gotten a growth sprout, Yuugi-kun is still pretty short and the only thing that really sticks out is his hair, which keeps bouncing as he jumps in order to be seen over the crowd. Quite honestly, there is no reason to as his hair really does stick out, so I could have spotted him without his enthusiastic waving.

Next to him, also smiling, is Anzu, who while starting to show the affects of her pregnancy, looks just as energetic and happy as ever. Her hair has grown a bit longer since I last saw her, although it's still not long enough to be called long hair or even medium-lengthed hair. It's a bit shocking, but it is still quite nice to see.

"Ohayou minna!" I'm half-surprised to hear the enthusiasm in my own voice, something that I wouldn't have expected considering how much time on the airplane I spent griping. But although I never wanted to acknowledge it, I couldn't fail to realize that I missed Yuugi-kun and the others very much. They were the best friends I have ever had, and it hurt to say good-bye to them the last time.

Hopefully, we'll be prepared for it this time.

"Wow, Bakura-kun! You haven't changed much since the last time we saw you!" Anzu comments as she hugs me carefully, "America hasn't been that different, ne?"

"There wasn't much that I needed changing," I reply with a grin plastered on my face. When I'm around these two, it's hard to ever stop smiling.

Especially when they start bickering.

"Honda-kun and Otogi-kun were busy today, so that's why we were here to pick you up," Yuugi-kun explains as we start to walk out of the airport, Anzu in the lead. The sun hurts my eyes, as I've been stuck in a dark plane for the past god knows how many hours, but I soak in the rays eagerly. For even though it hurts slightly, it's welcome and appreciated.

We walk a moment longer in silence before Yuugi-kun adds in the most innocent of voices, "I think they had to clean the house for you."

"Humph, it's not like Jyounouchi didn't give them a warning in the first place!" Anzu interjects, rolling her eyes with an expression that seemed to say 'men…' Yuugi-kun and I just chuckle nervously until Anzu turns away, weaving gracefully through the crowds of people despite her new burden. Sometimes I wish I could be as graceful as her, especially since I tend to be rather clumsy at the worst of times.

_Do I know that_, Yami Bakura mumbles darkly, a familiar presence that I no longer wish I could be rid of. I was once separated from the Sennen Ring's spirit, and it was surprisingly lonely despite the other people around me [5]. 'Course, both of us try to refrain from having a closer relationship, which I suppose we are capable of but neither of us is particularly interested in that concept. He's simply… there, now that he's given up (somewhat) on his quest to bring back the yami no chikara [6] and probably conquer the world or something along those lines.

"She's right," Yuugi-kun whispers to me, "But then again, Anzu is always right, isn't she?"

"I heard that!"

Yuugi-kun sighs and shakes his head, winking at me, "I'm still trying to figure out how she does that, but I still haven't figured it out and she won't tell me! Maybe she'll tell mou hitori no boku [7]?"

I snort at that innocent suggestion, the mental image of Yami-kun asking Anzu how she manages to overhear everything being said about her within a two mile radius simply a bit too humorous to do otherwise. Most likely, _if_ Yami-kun actually manages to pry something out of her (or in all likelihood, trading one of Yuugi-kun's little-known secrets for the information), I think that Yuugi-kun will have an even harder time trying to get it out of his other self!

Although I have to admit that such a scene would be quite lively and interesting to experience…

No, I am _not_ becoming sadistic. _That_ would be Yami Bakura, who would probably beat me up if he ever got wind that somebody… _anybody_ thought that I was more sadistic than he. Which is impossible, since he is the epitome of psychotic sadism, but I suppose there is a possibility of a drunk or crazy man getting us mixed up.

Of course, that person would no longer be breathing after he makes such a confused observation. Even though the Sennen Ring's spirit is less violent than he was when I first met him, he still tends to be rather unpredictable which means that the wrong word said can lead to a great deal of cringing and a rather disturbing quantity of blood.

Definitely not a pleasant thought…

Yuugi-kun and the others were among the first to escape that reality, though, and with the help of the Sennen Puzzle's spirit, Yami Bakura has been somewhat reined in. Something I am definitely grateful for, especially since it has allowed me to become close to some very interesting people.

Despite my initial fears, I don't really feel out of place right now. If anything, I feel like I belong here, and all those years in America are some interesting if awkward… vacation. A very long vacation, granted, but even though I enjoyed being there, I didn't really belong there.

Perhaps there is some truth in those sayings about how the heart always stays home?

Now if only the fears could be expelled. Wouldn't life just be so much simpler that way?

~ * ~

After a rather heinous train trip in which Yuugi-kun was nearly killed due to suffocation (the poor guy), we reached Honda-kun and Otogi-kun's apartment in one piece and relatively unscathed. Quite surprisingly, actually, since I must have gotten used to the relative emptiness of most mass-transportation systems in America. For example, my current home city. Los Angeles used to have a wonderful public-service system… a street-car system, if I remember correctly, but a rather over-zealous car company bought up the tracks and put the trams out of business. Now it's much too expensive to implement another one, and the current systems are either dangerous or rather inconvenient, causing many people to use cars. Probably the intention of the before-mentioned car company, but that doesn't make things better.

Anyhow, it's a rather nice apartment… in a very nice district, which I know I would never have been able to afford, especially with the price of housing in Japan. But I suppose that it should have been expected, especially since Otogi-kun has only he knows how much money due to the on-going success of his DDD game4 [8]. Perhaps that's why Jyounouchi-kun asked Otogi-kun and Honda-kun to house me… with the added incentive that his own house is probably a mess (I simply cannot see Mai-san as a house wife… and I'm sure Jyounouchi-kun's son is even more messy than he is), and I probably don't want to deal with Anzu's morning sickness (which Yuugi-kun nicely detailed to me in his previous e-mail).

Plus, it makes it harder for me to sneak away. Short of locking me in a hotel room, at least.

I really hate it when he reads my mind.

The door opens before we can knock, as the two already knew we were here as we had to buzz in order to be allowed past the gates. To my surprise, only Otogi-kun comes to the door. He too looks relatively unchanged, although he has his hair down for once. 

The only times I have seen him with his hair down is after… those incidents which I really don't want to think about so I won't, thank you very much. The red bandana that once caused Jyounouchi-kun to ask him if he had some ugly scars there (before getting pummeled by a very ticked off Honda-kun, who I have a feeling knows the answer to that question) is still there, and there has never been a time I've seen him without it… with the exception of those before-mentioned unmentionable events. I even heard from Shizuka-chan that while on the Battle City ship, he didn't even take off the bandana while he slept! [9]

"Ohayou, Otogi-kun!" Yuugi-kun chirps before looking into the apartment behind him, "Huh? I thought that Honda-kun was going to be here too?"

"He's picking up supplies… he raided the refrigerator yesterday and so now we're out of milk and anything which previously wasn't growing mold," he looks faintly annoyed as he brushes one of his unruly bangs out of his eyes, "He was supposed to be back a while ago."

That said, his attention turns to me, and I find myself being scrutinized by those rather disturbing green cat-eyes. I can't really say that I miss it, and I fidget under his glare. Help…

"Welcome back, Bakura-kun… maybe you'll be staying this time?" His face is completely expressionless, making it somewhat disconcerting to look at. And I immediately know for a fact that I did _not_ miss this… not at all. And I am pretty sure that he knows that, although he does have this extremely annoying habit of completely _ignoring_ those kinds of things. It gets to the point where I want to ask Yami Bakura to strangle him, or even perform the task myself.

I bet he knows that I'm thinking that too.

"Probably not," I reply flatly. So I've become much more bitter over the past couple years… but if I'm going to sulky, I might as well do it all the way.

Even if it annoys everyone around me.

"Well, we'll see," he gives me that knowing smile (smirk) which I hate so much, straightening in the process as he leads the three of us into the apartment.

The first word that pops into my head describing the furnishings is… luxurious, I suppose. Although I guess that should be of no surprise, as it is Otogi-kun we're speaking of. Otogi-kun, who makes plenty of money because of his still successful DDD game. It's been one of the top selling games internationally, although it is much more difficult to set up than Magic and Wizards [10]. Still, Otogi-kun should be (and very much _is_) proud of himself, as are all of us.

Otogi-kun really is a good person, and he cares for all of us. Unfortunately, he is also a bit too nosy, and ever since he made time to get that degree in psychology, he can take it over the limit that is already very generous. Before I moved to America, I was one of his favorite 'patients', and he's psychoanalyzed me enough times to make my head spin (if he had charged me, I would have been so broke it wouldn't be funny). And of course, I have no idea what on earth he talks about during our little therapeutic sessions (which I somehow find much more stressful than most things… like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute while blinded), although I swear I heard him use the words 'obsessive-compulsive disorder', 'depressed', 'neurotic', and 'psychotic and in need of being locked up for a great deal of time' during several of our sessions.

And no, I am _not_ making up the last one, although I certainly wish I was.

"Anzu has a check-up with the doctor, so we'll just see you when we meet up for dinner, kay?" Yuugi-kun grins apologetically at me, "Sorry we couldn't talk longer, Bakura-kun."

You're… you're leaving me alone with _Otogi-kun_?! I want to scream, although I keep that pathetic squeak from ever making it past my throat. I'm not saying that Otogi-kun is an unpleasant person to be with, as already mentioned, but he… he is a bit scary to be with, especially since it's been so long. It's just that he seems to know something that nobody else knows, and it's rather disturbing. And of course, I just stand there smiling weakly as I wave good-bye to Yuugi-kun and Anzu, all the time feeling like I'm waving good-bye to a rescue boat that has left me stranded on a six by six meter square island that is in the middle of shark-infected waters.

"Why don't we put your stuff down in the guest room and then we can wait for Hiroto in the kitchen?" he suggests, giving me an oh-so-innocent look which makes me even more nervous. I can just see the gears in his head turning, ready to figure out embarrassing questions for me to answer.

Just because I like and respect Otogi-kun doesn't mean that I don't put sadism beyond him.

Perhaps it's odd that I'm being so cynical, although sometimes I think that I'm much more cynical than even I would believe. It's just something that seems to sneak up on my personality, even though I think it is completely unnecessary… and frankly, it is unwanted. It's not my choice to see the world from the view of a pessimist, but that is just how I see it. And I think that I gave up a long time ago on changing that.

After all, certain aspects in life just don't want to be changed, no matter how hard you try to. I don't know why that is, but it just is. Trying to change things like that just always seems to end up backfiring, and instead of getting a result that one had hoped for, everything just ends up blowing up in the face like a computer on drugs.

~ * ~

Raspberry tea and creampuffs… my favorite drink and favorite food. I can't tell if Otogi-kun is just trying to be nice or if he's trying to lull me into a sense of false security, but whatever it is it's making me nervous. Although I can't deny that just about everything is making me nervous these days.

I should have been born a bunny.

"It's been a while, hasn't it Bakura-kun?" There's an amused smile on his face, familiar and somewhat heart-warming. I don't know why I'm always so afraid of him, even though I know that he wouldn't do anything to deliberately hurt me.

"Hai [11]," I mumble after I swallow a bite of the cream puffs… which are very good. I wonder if he made them, or Honda-kun? I can't really see either cooking, but they have to cook sometimes, don't they? Unless they go out every night, which is a somewhat scary thought… although I wouldn't put it beyond them.

"Everyone missed you."

I can't help but laugh at that as I shake my head, "I doubt it."

"I'm sure he missed you too."

There's no need to ask who 'he' is, although the name brings a familiar pang to my heart which I absolutely detest. Why did he have to bring it up, I sulk to myself, even though I know that it was bound to happen sooner or later.

"I really doubt that." A smile spreads across my face, a smile which probably doesn't belong there, "I really, really doubt that."

"Huh," Otogi-kun doesn't bother to try to contradict me, which kinda surprises me since he usually tries to. In fact, one might even go so far as to label him an optimist, someone who refuses to have his good spirits put down. Personally, I think it doesn't fit his personality, as it is rather contradictory to the person he is. But I don't bother to question it, as that wouldn't get us anywhere. Anyhow, he abruptly switches the topic to something that makes me squirm like, as the Witch in The Little Mermaid stated, 'a worm on a hook', "Why'd you go to America?"

"Huh?" I blink at him, feeling utterly clueless, "What do you mean by that, Otogi-kun?"

"America… why there?" he fixes me with one of his looks, the ones I had escaped for eight years. It's actually refreshing to be under the same scrutiny again, although I cannot explain _why_ for the life of me… I must be going insane again, but that's nothing new, "Why not some place sooner, where you could still get away from him? Why not Hokkaido, or Osaka? Why not Australia or China perhaps? America is so far away, and there was nothing there for you. So why did you go there?"

If it was anybody but Otogi-kun, I might have tried to tell him something about the environmental problems they're having there… which is true enough in its own way as it was one of the factors that influenced me to pack up my bags and leave. But it's not the main reason, and we both know that.

Although I was always pretty distant from Otogi-kun, even after the whole kidnapping incident [12], I sometimes can't help but wonder if out of Yuugi-tachi, he's the one who knows me best. Although I'm closer to Jyounouchi-kun and Yuugi-kun, it seems to me that Otogi-kun has figured out who I truly am. But that's the type of person he is; he harbors this amazing ability to understand people. A strategist, probably unconsciously looking for a way to use people, but it makes him much more perceptive than most people I know.

I don't know how to answer Otogi-kun, nor do I really want to. I think he knows that anyway, but he continues on.

Now if only he could control his mouth a bit more effectively.

"Why did you isolate yourself, Bakura-kun? Did you really think that would help?"

"Yes," I reply before I can stop myself. And much to my amazement, my mouth keeps moving on its own accord to explain why, "All of you reminded me of the past. The past reminded me of him. I know it sounds silly to keep obsessing over the same thing and allow it to dominate my life, but I just can't let go of it. No matter how hard I try to get rid of it, it keeps forcing its way back and I _hate_ myself for letting it do that."

"But how could you think that isolation would be the answer? This is the type of thing you needed to let out, not keep within yourself. Didn't you ever think that perhaps _that_ is why you never let go of it… because you never let it out? Immediately after graduation, you said good-bye as if nothing had happened and the next thing we knew, we were getting e-mails saying that you were in America and you weren't planning on coming back. It's not that America is far away, but what… or more correctly… _who_ is there for you?"

Nobody. Absolutely nobody. Nobody except a ghost which has persisted in haunting me despite the precautions I have taken to keep just that from happening.

He's right. He's usually right, something I find incredibly annoying. But I'm not going to tell him that, especially since he already knows anyway.

Or if he doesn't know, that's okay too.

I wanted to be _alone_. Sometimes people just need to be alone so that they could sort out all these emotions. Why do people have to feel anyway? I think it's a big fat waste of time that causes nothing but feelings that I really didn't need in the first place. They say that happiness cannot come without sadness, and I really wish that such an assertion could be proven wrong.

Why is sadness necessary for happiness? Isn't that a contradiction of some sort?

There are so many contradictions in this world, and it's liable to drive anyone insane. Or sane, since sometimes I'm one of those people who believe that everyone on this planet is insane, considering all the illogical behavior we engage in.

The door opens, signaling Honda-kun's return. Otogi-kun gets up to help him, as I continue to sit there staring straight ahead at the fascinating wall.

Sometimes… _sometimes_, I can't help but wonder if he had known I would take it this way, would he still have done it? Would he have cared enough to keep from just… leaving?

On the good days, I get a 'maybe'. And on all the other days, it's always a resounding 'NO'. And I can only wonder why that is…

I smile as Honda-kun comes in, feeling like a china doll with a painted smile. And perhaps if I keep smiling like this long enough, I'll break and leave broken pieces for somebody else to clean up.

At least I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore if that happened.

Translations and Notes:

(PM: For those who have read "Fairydust", a lot of these notes might be familiar… ^^;; Gomen!)

[1] 7 stands for the number of days that Ryou-kun was supposed to be Seto's boyfriend in the initial deal; 13 stands for the number of days it took for them to officially get together

[2] 'Touzoku' is thief, 'ou' is king. Thus, 'touzoku ou' would be 'king of thieves' or 'thief king'. And yeah, Yami no Bakura does call himself that… he even calls himself 'Bakura-sama'… -_-;; (should we be worried about his sanity?)

[3] Reference to Akako and Kaitou Kid. Both are from the manga Magic Kaitou, but Kaitou Kid might be more familiar from volume 16 and 30 of Detective Conan.

[4] But…

[5] Reference to chapter 9 'Yami no Bakura , the Sugarplum Fairy' of "Fairydust".

[6] 'Yami' is darkness, 'no' is a possessive particle, and 'chikara' is power. Thus, 'dark power'.

[7] 'Mou' is other, 'hitori' is person, 'no' is a possessive particle, and 'boku' is a male way of saying 'I'. Thus, 'my other self'. It is possible to use other words in exchange of 'boku'. For example, if 'Yuugi' is exchanged with 'boku', it would translate to 'the other Yuugi', or if 'Bakura' was exchanged with 'boku', then it would mean 'the other Bakura'. Etc.

[8] DDD stands for Dragon Dice and Dungeons; otherwise known as DDM (Dungeon Dice Monsters) in the anime and dub.

[9] This was a picture I found… on-line. I don't know which episode this is in because I don't have it yet… when I get it, I'll be sure to inform you all of the wonderfulness of an episode where Ryuuji-kun is sleeping… *dissolves into happy puddle*

[10] Magic and Wizards is the name for Duel Monsters in the manga… it's the same thing, just different names. The nickname for Magic and Wizards is simply M&W.

[11] Yes. Quite formal.

[12] Reference to chapters 8-12 in "Fairydust".

PM *stares at the notes*: That was a $#!+load of notes…

Ryuuji *trying to strangle Ryou*: I am _not_ a slut!

Ryou *hiding behind Yami*: You've been paired up with about half the cast!

Ryuuji: Is that _my_ fault?!

*both look at PM, who just blinks at them innocently*

PM: ANYWHO, ignoring the two lovebirds over there *insert screams and yelps of indignation from the two*, I hope this first chapter was okay. It's just a start, and I've been so off-track… I apologize for that. Also, I know that this chapter might be a little bit confusing, but it all gets explained by chapter 3. I hope it's not too confusing, but if you have problems, feel free to e-mail me. ^_^

Ryou: Slut.

Ryuuji: *shoots him with a tranquilizer gun*

PM: Oh Kami-sama…

Request: Okay, I know this sounds pretty weird and I probably sound a bit like a prick, but I beg that you please _do not_ ask me to update in reviews. The reason why I ask this is because… well, saying that really isn't going to affect anything. I'm updating this story every Sunday, par usual. And it sometimes irritates me when I have a review asking me to update faster, especially when I'm already struggling to get the chapters out on the scheduled time. ^^;; So once again, I ask that you don't ask me to update faster in reviews. I'm simply not capable. And on a second note, I like to update my profile on the progress of chapters, so if you check there, you can usually see how far along I am on chapters. I'll also be posting announcements there if I can't update on time, so if no new chapter shows up on Sunday, check my profile and the reasons for the delay will probably be there. Kay? ^_^

Thanks!

Pikachumaniac


	2. Illusion

Disclaimer: *mournful look* I still have 12 more disclaimers to do for this story unless I decide to be lazy and refer everyone back to the last disclaimer. Which is starting to look like a very tempting prospect…

Look the Other Way

PM *hiding behind a couch*: Are they gone yet?

Yami: Actually, they just came. (a/n: He's taking an unnatural enjoyment in PM's suffering)

PM: AHHH! *ducks* Please don't kill me anyone! I'm sorry I broke them up, I really am!

Ryou: LIAR! *slightly unhinged by the tranquilizer he got hit with*

PM: O_O Somebody ask Ryuuji-kun to check his tranquilizer dosages or I'll take that gun away from him… _Anywho_, chapter takes place on Sunday, namely Sunday afternoon. ^-^ Enjoy!

Anyhow, I would like to thank rayemars-san for her wonderful beta-reading *GLOMP*, as well as fani90 (:P Demo, my profile is quite boring), No Name (*laughs herself sick from the dream* I told Kei-kun about it, and she adored it! *laughs*), Wildwolf (Gomen for not replying to your e-mail yet! Me so lazy… -_-;;), Sad Andy (^^;; I hope I don't dissapoint you), Shenya (Craziness is fun! Especially when you scare a lot of people at school… *long story*), tuulikki (^_^ Well, I missed all of you too! :P), AB, dragoneyes, Shikou Yamitsuki, Sailor Comet (*glomp* Yea! Glad to have you around for the insanity… ^^;;), Amiasha (Yuugi majored in innocent cuteness and dueling… *ducks rotten veggies*) Neko-chan (*innocent grin* Nani, Neko-chan-chan? And no bribing me! Your offers are wayyyy too tempting…), Sam Baku (Ahhh… your computer sounds more evil then mine! O_o), Erfaciel (*bonks with mallet* No, you may not keep this fic! Unless you want to write the rest of it… *impish grin*), Shade Azuna (Seto was a bad boy. *nods* He was found sleeping with Otogi… AHHH! *runs away from everybody…. I WAS KIDDING!), and Dani (Yeah… they are old! O_O You should have seen me debating whether Sugoroku would be dead or not… :p). But for everybody… it really was great seeing all of you again! I missed getting your replies and I felt all lonely for the past month… :P Arigatou na, mina-san!!

~ Illusion ~

The morning did not start off too well, although I suppose that it's not _that_ much of a surprise… considering everything else that has been going on, at least.

Anyhow, since I didn't have time to yesterday, I decided to take a shower this morning. The night had been as pleasant as one could expect from seeing friends after eight years. I must admit that I often forget that friendship is one of the best ways to escape bad memories, as it takes your mind off of the unpleasant things in life and allows you to dangle in a world where you jabber blithely and with no concerns to deal with.

It's a very nice situation, even though I know that it's unrealistic. And it's worse when you're having the time of your life and suddenly, in the back of your mind, a little whisper of doubt echoes through your brain and refuses to let go of the stranglehold it has, causing a small cloud of depression to drift over your head for the rest of the night.

It was to be expected.

Basically, after we helped Honda-kun with the groceries and I had a chance to settle down for about an hour, the three of us went out to join the others for dinner. It was really nice seeing everyone again, and even nicer that we all got to be together. Although I guess that I really can't say 'everyone' since Malik-kun, Rishid-san, and Isis-san weren't there… but that's because they're still in Egypt and only come once in a while when the time is convenient. Then again, I was never very close to them, despite the deal that Yami Bakura made with Malik-kun… a deal that more or less went to pieces when Yami no Malik took over Malik-kun's body and wreaked havoc for the duration of Battle City until he was more or less confined to the belly of a shadow monster. [1]

I wonder if it's the same one that ate me…

I can't help but shiver and quickly shake off that thought, although I admit that I really don't remember any of that. All I do remember is waking up feeling a bit groggy in Mai-san's room. Mai-san was unconscious… I later found out that it was because of a batsu game that Yami no Malik had played… and so I sat with her, waiting for her to wake up. Heh, I remember Jyounouchi-kun's reaction when he thought that Mai-san was still unconscious… he started screaming and looked ready to cry until she suddenly woke up and started laughing! Of course, she had warned me beforehand, which made it _very_ hard to keep a straight face when Jyounouchi-kun went into hysterics… [2]

_Anyhow_, this morning I went into the bathroom to take a shower… and what I found was a new, unopened bottle of shampoo. Glittery, sparkly shampoo. Before I knew what I was doing, I stalked out of the bathroom in order to hunt down Otogi-kun and found him drinking melted marshmallows in hot chocolate. I have no idea how he can drink that stuff, nor do I have any idea how Honda-kun can _let_ him drink that stuff, but that's a different story.

"You hate me, don't you?" I demanded, glaring angrily. If I really could stare daggers, Otogi-kun would be skewered by now, and I couldn't truthfully say that I would be depressed or guilty.

"Huh?" he croaked back, sounding like he has a frog down his throat. It is only because of university that I know he always sounds like that in the morning, rather than actually being sick and needing a trip to the emergency room.

He blinked at me as if I was insane and had forgotten to take my medication, which probably isn't that far off from the truth seeing that I am most likely insane and I don't take any pills. However, this only caused my eyebrow to twitch, somewhat like how Yami-kun's eyebrow twitches whenever Yami Bakura pisses him off. Which is pretty often.

"This… this… _thing_!" my voice came out as a high-pitched squeak, something that was rather embarrassing but I didn't bother to pause, "What is this?!"

He stared at me for a moment longer, then back at the bottle of Fairydust shampoo, then back at me.

"That's yours."

"It is not."

"Yes it is," he took another swig from that disgusting concoction which I swear is going to get him killed one day, "A little before college graduation, you lent me a bottle of your shampoo. But you left before I could return it."

"Are you telling me that you saved a bottle of shampoo for _over eight years_?!" I screech like a chicken about to get its head cut off, _And you're making me _use_ it now?!_

"No. I finished using it and since you're back, I bought you another one to repay you for the old one."

I stared at him for a moment longer before stalking off to the bathroom.

I swore I heard him laughing a couple seconds later. Which only increased this insane, murderous rage within me… for reasons I simply _cannot_ conceive.

Reasonably enough, I was in a pretty rotten mood, a mood that has not been kind enough to fade away yet. Perhaps it seems a bit… idiotic to be mad about something like that, but I still think that Otogi-kun did it on purpose. The only other person who gave me that shampoo was….

My thoughts cut off sharply there, as if his name is poison. It's gotten to the point where I've avoided using his name so long that it's a wonder I can still remember it.

Otogi-kun has always been a subtle person, so I know for sure that the shampoo was a message. He isn't the type of person who is so obsessive with small details that he would remember an unreturned bottle of shampoo after eight years, knowledge that only serves to cement the fact that he's trying to do… something. I don't quite know what, but I have a feeling that whatever it is, it'll be in my best interest to stay very far away from it.

After all, I hate it when I'm being manipulated like this. Especially since I know that I haven't gone through all of the crap in life only to be strung up and danced around like a puppet on strings.

~ * ~

Although my friends have not changed much over the past couple years, the same cannot be said of Domino City. Despite my reassurances to Otogi-kun that I'm not so pathetic that I need to be led around by the hand, I have now discovered that some of his guidance might actually have been accepted, especially since I now feel like I've been dropped onto an alien planet. Absolutely _nothing_ is familiar except a few important landmarks such as the high school and the train station… but everything seems to have _changed_.

The hamburger restaurant where Yuugi-kun and Jyounouchi-kun found Anzu working at (also the restaurant where Yami-kun first rescued her from an escaped convict, which resulted in Anzu falling in love with her 'hero') [3] is no longer there. Instead, there's a small game store that sells, among other items, M&W and DDD. And speaking of game shops, Yuugi-kun's ji-san [4] finally had to close his shop due to competition, but he was 82 at the time and definitely deserved retirement. The game shop is still there, and Yuugi-kun's okaasan lives there with ji-san, although they are never at loss for company since Yuugi-kun and Anzu drop by to say hello quite often.

I dropped in briefly to say hello, much to their surprise and I suppose my own. I wasn't really planning on doing that, but I like ji-san and Yuugi-kun's okaasan is a very nice person. In the back of my mind, Yami no Bakura grumbled, but I tuned him out. He doesn't like ji-san very much (not to imply that he likes many people), and I think the feeling is mutual despite the fact that Yami no Bakura helped Yuugi-kun win against Otogi-kun in DDD. [5]

The Black Crown's ashes are no longer there, as they were long ago covered by another building. The fire that Otogi-kun's otousan accidentally caused due to a hallucination caused by the Sennen Puzzle completely destroyed the place, and it was lucky that the firefighters got it extinguished before it spread to other buildings. The ownership of the new building has changed hands several times, and currently it is a Chinese food restaurant.

Otogi-kun must be pleased about that… I've learned long ago not to stand between him and his favorite Chinese foods, or else risk impalement by chopsticks.

I don't know how I did it, but I somehow walked to almost every significant place in Domino City. Some were still there, like Domino _futou_ [6], the port where the Duelist Kingdom ship had left from and where the Death Anchor battle between Jyounouchi-kun and Yuugi-kun took place. Others, like the hospital where I spent a lovely day in nursing a cut that Yami no Bakura had made himself, are no longer there, moved or replaced or just allowed to decay. It's almost depressing, but I suppose that we are all deadened to thinking that way. After all, isn't that what progress is about, to be a bit cynical? Moving into the present and ignoring the past as it rots into something unrecognizable?

Yet, above the rising city line of Domino, stands the new symbol of Japan technology business. It's inescapable, standing there for all to see its suffocating, pressuring presence. Everywhere you turn it waits, a cruel little sign that seems to follow me no matter where I go.

I don't need to look in a mirror to see the mask my face has twisted itself into.

I can't help but wonder though… is he up there on that tallest floor, looking down on the streets like a god who can change the world with the flick of a finger? Who can make and break a person, depending on his mood?

Although I try not to think about him anymore, it's impossible to just forget four years of a life. Impossible to forget those feelings and emotions that have embedded themselves within me along with memories of a time long lost but refused to be forgotten.

_So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past._ [7]

Who was the American writer who wrote that line? I read one of his books when I was taking a refresher course in the English language, getting ready to integrate myself into a new culture that was quite different from the one I was used to. I remember the book… it was about a young man who devoted his life to winning back the love of a former girlfriend, who was already married, but he was too caught up in his impossible dream to be able to realize that it was useless.

Am I to be doomed to be like him? Why can't I let go of my past dreams either?

I blink at the huge letters above me, probably looking like a total idiot standing there in the middle of the street staring at something that has become all too commonplace for everyone who lives here. When something becomes familiar, it starts to fade away from the vision and then from the mind, until you look at something and never bother to think about what is there and what is not. The mind ceases to care, too caught up in its own workings to worry about a sign that has no impact on the life that is so fleeting it rarely ends up making a difference to more than a few people.

I understand why he does it, although understanding does not necessarily make the pain go away. But although I stand here half torn between wanting to curse him or hiding from him for the rest of my life, I can still… sympathize.

Being under such public scrutiny is difficult for anyone, and although we often forget it, the appearance does not necessarily show the reality. Perhaps he seemed fine with who he was, but eventually he broke and left us with where we are now. I can't understand as well because I've never been in his position before (not exactly, anyhow), but I have managed to get the basic gist of it.

Suddenly, I am abruptly forced out of my reverie by a red-faced, angry man who did not take my standing in the middle of the sidewalk not moving very well. He starts to curse me fluently as my face turns red and everyone stops to stare at us as if it's a freak show.

Perhaps I should charge money.

I quickly apologize, which is barely audible over the fury of his curses and insults, and slip away from the crowd to take shelter in the closest store. Even as I walk through the door and it shuts behind me, I can still faintly hear his angry cries, directed at a person who is no longer there. I wonder if he even noticed that I am gone, or if he just needed to vent his anger and has gotten too caught up in his words to notice that the subject of his rage has long ago escaped, leaving him ranting there like a madman.

To be truthful, I'm not _that_ sympathetic. If there was ever need to be in the first place.

~ * ~

I don't know how long I wandered around in my chosen safe haven before I realized that it was a department store… but I think it was sometime after I nearly walked out of that section of the store with approximately fifteen anime music CDs… none of which I had paid for. Luckily, the security guard glared at me in time, and I appropriately blushed and slinked back to return the CDs to their rightful places before rushing out of the store, all the while feeling the guard's eyes glaring into my back until I turned the corner into the next area. [8]

However, upon doing so, I realized that it was actually quite convenient 'cause I needed to suck up to several disgruntled friends of mine anyway. And since I was already here and there was no reason to put it off since I wasn't looking for anything in particular, I might as well finish all my shopping before pleasantly shoving it all out of my mind.

I've always hated shopping for people because I feel inadequate. As soon as I realize that a birthday or any one of those major gift-giving holidays is coming up, I'm absolutely petrified due to the usual rising bout of lousy self-confidence. It's just that I can't help but stand in a store, remembering all those wonderful things that I _really_ wanted that my friends gave me… and I can't for the life of me think of what _I_ should get for them. It seems odd that I should feel that way since they're all very good friends, but I do. My mind just shuts down and I can't think of a single thing they want. Sometimes I wish that they would just give me a shopping list of wants and I'll be able to figure it out from there, but unluckily for me, that ruins the element of surprise and besides, the thought is supposedly more important than the gift.

Feel free to prove me wrong at any time.

I scowl bitterly at the stacks and stacks of manga that literally cover two walls and several more bookshelves. A friend of mine was interested in obtaining some, and since it's more expensive back in America, I promised her I would get some. But since I'm no expert in shoujo manga [9], I have no idea what to get for her.

I have only heard of a couple of these manga, especially the more popular CLAMP creations like Cardcaptor Sakura or personal favorites of friends like DN Angel. But most of these, I have never seen or heard of in my life. It's at times like this that I wish Anzu was a little less tomboy-ish and read shoujo manga 'cause maybe then I would have heard of some of these. And it doesn't help that the salesgirl keeps watching me, and I feel completely out of place.

Which isn't anything new, I suppose. In fact, if I should ever be crazy enough to write a book of my life, a vast majority of it will probably involve me feeling as much out of place as a daisy growing in the middle of a thorn bush.

Some time in the midst of all these usual depressing thoughts, I find myself blinking at a manga that causes me to jolt with the sudden flow of memories which I have been carefully keeping locked away (as best to my ability as I could, although that really isn't very much).

"Kaitou Saint Tail" by Tachikawa Megumi.

It's not a very long manga, especially compared to some of the others out there. For example, Detective Conan is well past a conceivable number, as is other popular manga like Shaman King and One Piece. "Kaitou Saint Tail" is only seven volumes long, and it was one of the first manga to be translated to English when manga (known as graphic novels) started coming out in America. But that isn't what I remember about them, it's the other things…

_He_ liked this manga.

I read it once, and I must admit that it is very good although it reminds me greatly of Magic Kaito by Aoyama Goushou. The story of an eighth grade student, Haneoka Meimi, who was a 'kaitou'–a fandom word for 'phantom thief'—who stole from the villains in order to return prized possessions to their rightful owners. And always in the background, vainly trying to catch her to accomplish a dream that was impossible to fulfill, was a detective, Asuka Daiki--known more commonly as Asuka Jr.--who was so clueless that he never figured out that the little thief was his own classmate until he finally caught her.

One of the things I could never understand about that manga was why Asuka Jr. and the other police never took her robberies one step further. What I mean by this is that Saint Tail sent 'calling cards' to Asuka Jr. telling him what she was about to steal, but although he knew that she only stole things that were already stolen from legitimate owners, he never bothered to figure out _why_ she was going to steal _before_ she actually committed the robbery. It always seemed so obvious to me that I am constantly surprised that he never bothered to think that way.

Or… perhaps he did think that way, but he was so driven to catch his phantom that he ignored that ringing, prominent fact.

My fingers brush lightly against the spine of the book, gently, as if I'm worried that the book will suddenly jump and bite off my fingers. What an amusing headline that would be! Person gets fingers eaten off by monster book! See page 12 for details! It sounds like something out of that English children's book Harry Potter.

"Tousama [10] named me after the main character in that manga," a voice suddenly interrupts me out of my reverie.

Much to my embarrassment, I yelp and jump, startled, as if the book really had bitten me. Immediately, cheeks flushed and a lovely shade of crimson red, I turn to apologize, only to realize that I'm staring at empty air.

I don't know how long it took me to figure out that the sweetly childish voice had come not from next to me, but from behind me and at a different height level, but I'm sure that it was an embarrassingly long amount of time and I wouldn't have been surprised if she was already gone.

But she wasn't, and I found myself staring at a little girl who looked about six or seven. Her large blue eyes were sparkling innocently and she had long brown hair that was tied back… just like Saint Tail, although Saint Tail's hair was orange rather than brown.

I can't help it, but I just stare at her, at a total loss for words before my brain desperately clings for the first thing that I can think of which sounds somewhat intelligent.

"So then your name must be Meimi, right?" I ask as I crouch down so I'm eye level to her. Her face blossoms into a radiant smile which makes you feel special that you're being honored with it.

Only one other person had a smile that could make me feel that way. Like I was the only person that mattered at the moment, and that he really did care.

And one by one the illusions disappear until there is nothing left but an empty shell.

"Hai!" she grins, her voice filled with such cheer that I can't help but smile myself, "Tousama likes that manga, so he's always telling me that he named me after it. And he tells me that he's waiting for me to reach eighth grade before he gets me a costume so I can dress like her and perform magic tricks." Her face scrunches up in a slightly disgusted look, as if embarrassed by her father's childishness, but I can only laugh.

"He sounds wonderful," I find myself saying before I can stop myself, and I glance up to see if her father or mother is there, perhaps looking at the novels.

It ends up being much more than a glance, especially when I realize that there is nobody there. Nobody that looks like they could be remotely related to her, at least, and nobody that seems the least interested in the concept that his (or her) daughter is talking to a stranger, a stranger that could very well be a crazed, deranged serial killer who is about to kidnap his daughter.

Meimi-chan, who is apparently very perceptive, a characteristic that surprises me in such a young child, follows my glance and immediately figures out what I am trying hard not to say.

"I lost tousama," the way she words it makes both of us smile. It almost sounds as if her father is the one who is lost (and is going to be gently scolded as soon as he is found) while she is the one doing the searching (and will be doing the scolding when it comes down to it) rather than the other way around! 

"You lost him?" I repeat, still smiling, "Shouldn't you use your magic to find him then, just like Saint Tail does when somebody loses something precious to them?"

"I forgot my top hat in the car," she replies with wide-eyed innocence as she refers to the top hat that is the basis for most of Saint Tail's magic tricks before slipping her hands onto mine, "Can you help me find him?"

Of course, it's not possible to refuse such an offer, so I nod and stand up, her hand clenching mine protectively.

"My name is Ryou, Meimi-chan," I introduce, "We're going to go to the front desk and wait for your otousan there, okay? Because there isn't much point in wandering around the store. But I'll stay with you until he comes and if he doesn't, I'll be more than happy to adopt you."

I assure you that I am in no way kidding, although I suppose that it'll be odd if I go back to Otogi-kun and Honda-kun's place with Meimi-chan. Not only will it raise quite a few awkward questions, but I have a feeling that any loving parent would hunt us down, especially for someone as sweet as Meimi-chan.

She giggles, apparently at ease with a total stranger. I can't help but wonder why it is that she trusts so easily, or is this a quality that is in most children, but quickly suppressed as reality takes its bitter toll?

"Hai, Ryou-san."

How can she make me smile so much with a few words? It's so disturbingly familiar, but it's hard to feel ill at ease when you're with someone like Meimi-chan. It's like being with a real life version of Kinomoto Sakura in Cardcaptor Sakura, who was so cluelessly innocent that you couldn't help but be endeared by everything about her.

However, there was always that nagging little thought… what will it be like for her when she grows up and realizes that the world around her isn't as pleasant as she? For although she can be the most darling thing out there, it certainly doesn't mean that the rest of the world will acknowledge and treat her as thus. And it makes me quite sad to realize that it's almost impossible for her to remain as she is, although we all wish she could.

But then again, who needs age?

Seriously, is it really necessary to grow up? Perhaps it is not realistic, but it is a pleasant thought… Just try to imagine a world where we all have those wonderful characteristics of children that we do not notice until we no longer have them. Innocence, simple trusting, the ability to enjoy what is there rather than longing for things that are no longer there.

~ * ~

The department store was huge and I'm not quite sure how many times we got lost and walked around in circles. But I have to admit that it was the most fun we've had in a while, especially when Meimi-chan put on a Pikachu mask that had light-up cheeks and had me wear an identical mask (in adult size) on my own face.

I think the security guards and sale clerks thought we were insane.

Anyhow, we finally managed to reach the main hallway after getting lost in the clothing department, toy section, book store (twice), music department, and quite a few other places that I don't even remember! But I have to admit that it was quite amusing and entertaining, and I really didn't mind getting lost although I should have been able to maneuver myself.

Perhaps it was a bit of a bad idea to let Meimi-chan lead, but she really wanted to and kept insisting that she knew where she was going.

"We're almost there, Meimi-chan," I inform her as we pause to look at a map, something we should have done a long time ago but simply didn't bother to.

"Yay! Then you can meet tousama!" she starts tugging on my hand towards the front desk, "Come on, Ryou-san! It's just around the corner!"

I laugh, "Don't worry, I'm not going to leave…"

Before I can finish the sentence, a familiar voice cuts me off as its owner yells, "What do you mean you can't?! Don't you understand that this is an emergency?! She's only _seven_, and she's by _herself_! And if you think I'm going to just wait around here for her to wander over you…"

"Tousama!"

The pit of my stomach drops out as shocked blue eyes… _his _blue eyes immediately come up and look in our direction, look at _us_.

And then those piercing blue eyes which I have not seen for eight long years look at me again, and I quickly realize that eight years simply weren't long enough.

They haven't changed since the last time I saw them, I realize dumbly… not at all. They still cut through the skin and head straight for the soul, dissecting every part of my personality and processing the information in less than ten seconds flat. I've seen them filled with a multitude of emotions, from anger to bliss to anxiety to confusion to…

Shock.

He hasn't changed. My mind is numb as I stare into his eyes, that intense shade of blue which could seem so cold and full of life at the same time. He hasn't changed at all, has he? He still looks the same, the light skin and caramel-colored hair tamed. It isn't always like that, you know. His hair isn't always submissive to his whims. How many times have I woken up to see his hair sticking out in every direction, a sight that made me laugh myself sick the first time I saw it… resulting in him hitting me with a pillow, thus initiating a pillow fight and involving quite a few feathers flying in different directions?

I should have known. Oh Kami-sama, how dumb can I be?

"Will Kaiba Meimi please come to the front desk. Will Kaiba Meimi please come to the front desk?" a cold, mechanicalized voice asks several moments too late. Much too late… how long have I been standing here frozen in shock as I stare at the man I was hoping I would avoid for the rest of the trip?

She has his eyes, his hair, his smile. That smile that was so rare it always made me feel good inside. But it wasn't so rare when we were around each other… he didn't mind smiling. Does he know how happy it made me feel to see him smile? Did he ever know?

Oh Kami-sama… oh _Kami-sama_. How can this be happening? It wasn't supposed to happen… it was never supposed to happen. Not like this, not like… anything. We just weren't supposed to meet… Domino City is a big place! What are the odds that I would meet _him_ in a big department store?!

He doesn't even need to go shopping, does he?!

"Ryou-san? Tousama?" I can hear the confusion in Meimi-chan's voice as she looks from one to the other (at least, I assume that is what she is doing). I can only stare at…

Seto.

The name is whispered in my mind, barely audible over the chaos that my thoughts are generating as they stumble over each other to make themselves known. And rising above them all, squeaky and desperate, is the thought that this just _can't_ be happening. That it's so impossible and so surreal that any moment… _any moment now_… he'll fade and disappear and leave me alone to deal with all of this in peace.

As if.

"Ryou…"

His voice saying _my_ name… before I know it, I'm snapped out of my cage of frosty ice and I finally drop Meimi-chan's hand, which I had been clutching so tightly that I'm surprised she was able to handle the pressure. Why is he saying my name? Why now? It hurts so much to hear it from his lips.

And with barely a word of apology to Meimi-chan, who I'm sure is ready to cry from frustration due to confusion of her father and new friend's actions, I turn and literally run away. There's a sharp cry of protest from Seto… Kaiba-kun… _Kaiba-kun_… but he doesn't matter anymore as I push the heavy glass doors away and escape into the crowd, praying that he doesn't see my white hair which I am sure stands out too much… I walk as quickly as I can to avoid him seeing me… or if he does see me, avoid any further contact by putting enough distance between us that he won't be able to catch up even if he sees where I'm going.

Kaiba Meimi… Saint Tail. _He_ introduced me to Saint Tail… why wasn't I able to take all this information one step further and figure out the connection?

But I didn't _want_ to think that it was his… daughter. And wouldn't that imply he has a wife too?

I nearly start to laugh at that thought… And I have no idea why I want to.

~ * ~ Seto

I want to hurt the man standing before me. Hurt him very badly, but only common sense restrains me. And even then I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, especially when he starts to speak in an unsympathetic tone.

"I'm sorry, Kaiba-sama, but we simply cannot afford to send any employees to find your daughter. I will send out a message over the speaker so if anybody sees her, they will bring her here."

My teeth grit and I struggle to keep from slamming him into the wall.

"That is my _daughter_ out there," I growl from between clenched teeth. Since he doesn't want to listen to polite words, I'll try and _force_ my words through. Who knows what madman might have found her by now, and what he would do to her? And all this asshole can do is tell me that he'll send a message out to all the employees since he can't _spare_ any right now? I'm about two seconds away from seeing red and more than willing to take out my anger on him.

"I am sorry, Kaiba-sama, but…"

"No, you are _not_ sorry. You are not going to give me any of that crap. I don't want to hear any of that crap. What do you mean you can't?! Don't you understand that this is an emergency?!" My temper is starting to get the better of me, but it's understandable, "She's only _seven_, and she's by _herself_! And if you think I'm going to just wait around here for her to wander over you…"

"Tousama!"

I immediately turn and relief washes over me, gentle and soothing in its warmth. But… there's somebody with her, somebody that…

Oh dear lord.

It's you.

"Ryou…" the word comes out softly, but I can tell from your flinch that you heard it. It's barely noticeable, but I know you well enough to immediately see it. And I know your eyes well enough to know that you were not expecting this, that you didn't want this meeting and confrontation.

Understandable. If I was in your position, which I am not, I don't think I would want it either. But that's because I created it for both you and I, and I know that.

Your white hair hasn't changed, I realize dumbly. It seems that my eyes are the only things working right now, staring at you as if you are an illusion as my mind frantically works to tell itself that this is _real_ and that you're not going to suddenly fade away into the air.

An unconscious glance shows me that Meimi is holding tightly to your hand, and I cannot help but think that she has similar tastes to her father. Was she drawn to your snowy white hair and soft blue eyes as I was when I first saw you back in Domino High? I still remember that, you know… I still remember every detail of it even though it's been an unbelievable amount of time since I last saw you.

I didn't want it to be this way…

And just as I am reading your face, you are reading mine. You are poring over every detail, every mark, every telling sign that will allow you to get a better look at what you have not seen for… how long has it been, Ryou? How long has it been since that morning?

Perhaps I should have called that day to ask if you were all right. But I already knew the answer to that question… for how could you be all right?

But I wasn't expecting you to just pack up and move… I didn't expect that from you. You didn't seem like that type of person, but… after that, I really shouldn't be surprised. At the time I thought nothing could surprise me or make me even more miserable than I was, but suddenly I got a call from the make inu [11] telling me that you were gone and the usual threats which have become so common and stale that I brush them off without even bothering to listen and acknowledge them.

I should have though. I should have known you well enough to comprehend the multitude of his words.

Suddenly, you smile sadly… but not at me, of course not at me. I don't exactly deserve it, not after what I did to you, and I can't help but acknowledge that you are right there. No, your smile is directed to Meimi, who is staring at you with confusion and a complete lack of comprehension.

An unconscious acknowledgement of her feelings quickly flicker in your eyes, and I know that if you can, you will try to make it up to her.

And before I completely acknowledge your presence, for I still feel as if I'm staring at a mere illusion of a life I had once, you turn and run towards the exit.

Millions of thoughts run through my head as you flee, and I don't know which one I should yell at you. It's Meimi's birthday on Friday… I bet you didn't know that. How could you, unless she told you? But that's why we were here today… I wanted to get her something, but I turned away for one moment and she was gone, and then the fear swept me up in its chilling embrace. You know I don't get scared often, so you must know how scared I was… I was even more scared than the time Mokuba was kidnapped by Pegasus.

But then once again you assuaged my fears when you appeared with her, her hand clenched so protectively around yours, as if she unconsciously knew exactly whom she had found.

Did she know? I wonder… I wonder sometimes if she knows the real reason why it never worked out between her mother and myself.

I couldn't love her mother. I couldn't love somebody _that way_ when I was already love with someone else and had been for so long. And apparently still am.

Suddenly, I take off running after him, yelling for Meimi to stay put and that spineless idiot to watch over her, trying to reach Ryou before he can disappear again. Before I can allow him to disappear out of my life again, when all I ever wanted was for him to stay _in_ it.

But I couldn't… doesn't anybody understand? Don't _I_ understand? It just wouldn't have worked, it wasn't _meant_ to work. It was a dream that we both harbored… a delightful dream but an impossible one.

Why can't I understand?

I push the doors open, ignoring the stares I'm receiving as I stare at the sea of heads, trying to see that familiar burst of white which always stood out above everyone.

That's what fascinated me so much about you, Ryou… you stood out. You stood out with that white hair and those soft blue eyes which seemed to harbor some secret sadness which refused to be alleviated except under special circumstances… I always prided myself in making that sadness leave… but it's there again. Stronger and more deeply embedded than it had been before, and I know that it's my fault.

There's a little bit of white at the end of the street… at least, I think there is, but the sun is in my eyes and I can barely see over the glare of the sunlight.

Is it you?

Even if it is you, I realize, you are too far away to allow me to catch up without leaving Meimi alone with that idiot for longer than I trust him to. In fact, I'm already getting worried about her safety.

You probably did that on purpose… walked so fast so I wouldn't be able to catch up.

I want to try though. Do you know that, Ryou? I want to try to catch my dream even though it's as impossible as trying to catch a star from the heavens to place in a jar as a gift to a lover….

Translations and Notes:

[1] Yami no Malik takes over Malik in volume 25 after Rishid goes unconscious during his battle with Jyounouchi. Yami no Malik is eaten in volume 31 after Malik forfeits the duel to Yami no Yuugi.

[2] Batsu game is translated to 'punishment game'. Although Yami no Yuugi sometimes uses 'Mind Crush', he usually plays a batsu game, as does Shaadii, Yami no Bakura, Pegasus J. Crawford, and Yami no Malik. Basically, the only Sennen item holder I _haven't_ seen playing a punishment game is Isis. Anyhow, the part about Mai's joke on Jyounouchi-tachi is from volume 31, shortly after the duel between Yami no Yuugi and Yami no Malik.

[3] Reference to volume 1. Some people may remember this episode in the anime, although it was changed quite a bit from the manga. Contrary to the dub, Yuugi and Jyounouchi did _not_ give Anzu a letter saying they found an abandoned warehouse which she could use as a studio. What actually happened is that she got a note from an anonymous source saying that if she didn't do what the letter told her to, then her 'secret' would be exposed. On the back of the note was a picture of her in her work outfit. Basically, students are not allowed to work or they will be expelled (in reference to Jyounouchi delivering newspapers, he explains to Anzu that he got special permission from the school to work in order to pay for his own _tuition_). Anyhow, Anzu thinks that the note came from Yuugi or Jyounouchi, so she's really mad when she goes to the designated place only to find a pervert with a video camera. Yuugi, I assume, followed her and Yami ends up rescuing her.

[4] I actually do not know what Ryou calls Sugoroku, so I'm going to assume that he does what the others do and call him 'ji-san'. I could be wrong though… (I know that in the anime, Yami no Bakura calls Sugoroku 'jiji', but my guess is that that's _very_ rude.)

[5] Reference to volume 16-17. In order to get revenge on Sugoroku, Ryuuji's father had Yuugi arrested for shoplifting and then Yuugi and Ryuuji played DDD to win ownership of the Sennen Puzzle. Yami no Bakura comes in towards the end of volume 16 and helps Yuugi win.

[6] _Futou_ is a shortened version of the Japanese word for 'harbor' or 'port', so basically it's just Domino harbor.

[7] The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Had to read it for English class… my English teacher will be so thrilled… :p

[8] This is actually modeled after a department store that I went to. Basically, each section was specialized and you pay for what you want there before moving on to the next area.

[9] Shoujo is girl, so shoujo manga is manga that is directed towards girls. Shounen manga is manga directed towards guys, although girls often read them. Shounen Jump is also directed towards guys, but a lot of girls still read it.

[10] My reasoning for how Meimi calls her father is that Mokuba calls Seto 'niisama'. So instead of 'otousan' or 'chichi', I chose to imitate how Mokuba calls Seto for how Meimi would call Seto. So I took off the 'o' in 'otousan' and used the honorific 'sama' instead of just 'san'.

[11] Pathetic dog

PM *grins*: You know what? This is the chapter that inspired this story… I was working at the library when the scene where Ryou meets Meimi and takes her to the front desk where he sees Seto before the announcement comes across the speakers popped into mind and I realized I had to write this fic. *laughs* Volunteering at the library is probably bad for the health, ne? *nervous laugh as she ducks more rotten vegetables* And moving onto a completely different tangent, I have decided on something very important.

Yami: Oh Ra…

PM: Hushy. Anyhow, due to an enactment of the Great Depression in US History where I lost 80% of my 'money', I've decided it's not safe to put my money in the bank or invest in Wall Street. But due to the robbery in which my real money got stolen, it's not safe to leave my money in a little jewelry box that most people never notice. And since all the clothes in my parent's drawers were thrown out, it's not safe to stuff the money into a sock and stick it in the corner of a drawer. So I've decided to put all my money at the base of a Yu-gi-oh toy box (from the dub, no less), and then lie to everyone on-line about it.

Pikachumaniac


	3. Stone

Disclaimer: *gives Takahashi-san big Yuki eyes* Onegaiiiii? *Takahashi-san runs out of writer-verse screaming* I guess that's a no…

Look the Other Way

PM: I have advice!

Ryuuji: AKA run very quickly in the opposite direction.

PM *pout*: That wasn't what I was going to say, although it _did_ cross my mind…. *innocent grin* ANYHOW, what I was going to say is don't kill the writer because then that means you're not going to get anymore chapters. *nods sagely* 

Yami: So we can kill you after the story is over?

PM *ruffles Yami's hair*: Not you. I have many, many stories I need to torture you with. MWAHA!

Ryuuji: And I thought Bakura-kun had it bad….

Ryou: I do… ;-;

PM *rolls eyes*: Come on, it hasn't been _that_ bad…. *long silence* I'm going to ignore that. The first part of the chapter takes place after Ryou gets home from the last chapter, and the rest of the chapter takes place on Monday… so enjoy mina-san! *grin* You _finally_ find out exactly what happened between Seto and Ryou in this chapter… isn't that exciting?

Yami: No.

PM: Shut up… you're just jealous that you don't show up much in this story.

Yami: *falls on his knees and starts bowing to some deity* THANK YOU!

PM *whacks him with a mallet*

^_^ The usual thanks to rayemars-san for her beta-reading, and to the previous readers: fani90 (don't hate Seto… it's not his fault he's a complete meanie *ducks rotten veggies*), Wildwolf (SO sorry I STILL haven't answered your e-mail… *bangs head on desk* I don't know what's wrong with me. And if Seto calls Ryuuji, I might end up doing something crazy and making the story Seto*Ryuuji… *drools*), Neko-chan (Hmm, Neko-chan-chan?), No Name (Don't worry, it's not Emi-chan! You find out who it is, and you have my permission to strangle her AFTER the story is finished!), Pikazoom (:P Yep! I made a sequel just as I promised!), Shenya (you probably don't want to know :P), tuulikki (am I really that cruel to poor Ryou that everyone knows I'm going to do something horrid to him?), dragoneyes (I'm glad you like the Seto POV! I think it needs work… -.-;;), Shikou Yamitsuki (:P Read slower, eh?), Erfaciel (*hides from the sword* Pointy objects scare me…), Sailor Comet (Seto did move fast… *snicker*), Amiasha (*hides from you* Ahhh…), Sushi (Ryou: I DO NOT WHINE! PM: Whatever. Anyhow, Yami no Bakura helps Yuugi because Yuugi HAS to have the Sennen Puzzle in order to maintain the balance of the world and to unlock the pharaoh's memory. So in reality, Yami no Bakura doesn't really try to steal the Sennen Puzzle after the first attempt. He helps protect it), Karadaki (:P OGM?), KeMu (Now if only he can be a doting boyfriend to Ryou, eh?), Aznsilhouette247 (long chapters that take me a week to write… -_-;;), Dani (Ryuuji's a PLAYA! He's sleeping with everyone! *gets killed by all the Ryuuji fans*), Sam Baku (I'll give you the link next time, kay? ~ Too lazy to get it right now), Aishiteru Tenshi (Obvious? *blink*), Dark Eyed (*glomps* Whee! I missed you muchos!), and Yuen (I hope this chapter is okay… ^^;;). Arigatou, minna!

~ Stone ~

My finger jams onto the buzzer, but I can barely hear it over my heavy breathing. I ended up running through the crowds after a while, which probably got a lot of stares but I'm beyond the point of caring. Besides, it's somewhat fun to deviate from the norm, as long as you're not running away from a nightmare that you left behind a long time ago.

"Dare ka? [1]" Otogi-kun's voice crackles over the intercom. And as soon as I hear it, I want to scream bloody murder at him.

There is no way that he couldn't have known… no way. I remember what it was like when the newspapers got wind of what happened between… Seto and I, and if he had gotten married, all of Japan would have known. Why didn't they ever _tell_ me? Don't I have a right to know what is happening?

"Dare?" Otogi-kun's voice sounds very annoyed, which I suppose isn't very surprising. Not everyone is so accepting of Otogi-kun's sexual preferences, and he's gotten from a couple pranksters to some more serious troublemakers who he had to call the police to deal with. I heard about several of these incidents from Yuugi-tachi, some worse than others. It's probably worse for him since he's well-known for his game, but still prefers to live in an apartment complex where he's more likely to deal with… stuff like this, I suppose. He's handling it pretty well, but I don't think my silence is helping.

"It's me," I mumble, barely audible. Cause even if I feel sympathetic towards Otogi-kun, it doesn't mean I'm about to forget the fact that he and the others kept Seto's current state secret from me. Even though I should have suspected it in the first place, but when you're living in a fairytale life, you tend not to notice the things that can happen until they're thrown into your face in a rather ugly manner. And since Otogi-kun is the first one I'm going to see out of the others, he's the one that's going to have to deal with my rotten temper. Which isn't exactly fair, but my temper isn't supporting fair right now.

There's no answer, as if he senses something is going to be coming soon. Instead he quickly buzzes me in. I wrench the door open and walk in, letting it slam behind me with a loud bang and in the process eliciting some more strange looks. For god's sake, what is it with me being a freak show today? Is this just some type of special talent that I have and could very well do without, if I do say so myself?

The trip to Otogi-kun and Honda-kun's apartment is quite long and tortuous, a million questions bubbling away merrily in my mind. Who is the woman? How long? What is she like? Do they love each other?

Ha… now that's a stupid question. Do they love each other? Well, they did get married, didn't they? I suppose that Seto is a lot better than myself in moving along.

Look… I still call him Seto. Not Kaiba-kun. Even though he's the person I was hoping to avoid this entire trip, he is still the person who gets the most familiar name. It seems kind of odd to me, but I can't find myself going back to Kaiba-kun. Not yet, at least.

Who is she though? That's the thought that is at the top of the list. I don't know if it's the actual want of knowing who was my replacement, but I guess I wouldn't mind. She must have been special.

What happens if it was Emi-chan? Ha, that would be a riot, except I know for a fact that it isn't. Emi-chan e-mailed me a while back telling me that she eloped with a young man (his name has slipped my mind, and I'm afraid that I don't have the patience to try and remember what it is right now), and she invited me to the wedding-like event that her father was insisting on having.

She also said that Seto would be coming, which immediately decided it for me. No. I didn't want to see him, not after what happened. I still don't want to see him, and now that I know that he's moved on… argh, I want to strangle him! Not really, of course, but I wouldn't mind some violent fantasies about such an event.

It isn't fair. It just isn't fair. Why am I still moping and he's married and has the sweetest daughter? Yes, I realize that I _am_ obsessing, but I just can't help it.

I just can't believe that this is happening to me.

Before I can go into any more perpetual whining, I find myself staring at the door. My finger must have pushed the buzzer without my knowledge or Otogi-kun really does have psychic powers because he opens the door before I can acknowledge that I'm there.

"Who is she?!"

Oh, wonderful greeting. My voice comes out loud and high-pitched, and Otogi-kun winces at the shrill-ity (?!) or my screech. Or at least I think he's wincing at that.

"She?" his eyebrows furrow as he looks at me as if I've sprouted a bunch of new body parts and that I've lost my mind. Which isn't that far off from the truth, I admit, but he doesn't have to make it look so _obvious_, does he?!

"_She!_" I screech again, gesturing impatiently at the KaibaCorp logo that hangs so predominantly over the city, even from here. Great, as if that's really going to explain anything.

Otogi-kun pales as soon as he sees the sign and I immediately know that he knows exactly what I'm talking about. He turns back to me, his green eyes wide, and he clears his throat.

"Uh… would you like some tea, Bakura-kun?"

Before he can back away and escape, I grab his wrist… uncharacteristic to say the least, but I don't want to be avoided on this topic any longer. I don't want to be treated like a stupid little child who doesn't know right from wrong, who doesn't know reality from illusion, who doesn't know exactly what is going on. I'm tired of this, tired of being left in the dark all the time. And he's going to answer my questions if I have to wrench it out of his throat.

Hopefully though, it won't get to that point. I know that I'm really ticked, but I don't know if I'm ticked off enough to actually try and wrench the answer from him as I was threatening to do approximately three seconds ago.

Mentally, of course. If I had said it out loud, Otogi-kun would have either looked appropriately scared by my growing insanity or laughed very loudly at my words. Which wouldn't make me any happier, I can tell you right now.

"Who. Is. She. Otogi-kun," I pause between each word to make sure he understands the emphasis I'm placing on each of them. And hopefully to make him realize that I'm not going to be pushed aside on this matter.

"Mmm…" he pauses, looking at me closely as if he's not sure I'm ready for this. I want to grab him by the shirt and scream at him to stop treating me like a child, even though I think that's what I really am sometimes. A stupid, naïve child who is still trying to realize that the world isn't made out of cotton candy and spun sugar.

It would be nice if it was though.

He fixes me with one of his piercing looks, confidence literally oozing from it, and he places his free hand on my shoulder in a calming gesture. Immediately, my hand drops his, and I sigh as I realize that I've lost again. Lost what I'm not quite sure, but I feel like I've lost… something.

"Why don't we go inside and I'll show you?"

I nod reluctantly, knowing that this is the best I'm going to get.

Although it really isn't that bad.

~ * ~

"Mami. Okajima Mami, although… I suppose that it's Kaiba Mami now."

Otogi-kun passes me the newspaper article and I take it hesitantly, as if unsure I really want to see it in black and white.

Currently we are sitting in the living room. I've discovered that Otogi-kun has a hobby of collecting newspaper articles about all of us. There are some of Yuugi-kun and his M&W title victories, as well as his engagement and marriage to Anzu. There aren't as many of Jyounouchi-kun, but he wasn't as well known as Yuugi-kun, so I guess it really isn't that surprising. But there are a couple small articles floating around in the collection. There's even some on Malik-kun and Isis-san, although none of it involves anything bad. I saw an American book review for one of my books, and there were some articles about the beginning of Seto and my relationship… back before it was even real.

The biggest pile was definitely Seto's, although he's just more well-known then all of us, what with his company and so on and so forth. The article is of his engagement to Mami-san, and it takes all of my will power not to rip it up and burn the pieces over the stove. The only reason why I manage not to do so is because I know that Otogi-kun will be mad at me if I do (also, I couldn't use the stove here even if I wanted to! Otogi-kun happens to be a horrible cook, and Honda-kun has locked all the cooking utensils into cabinets and found some way to keep Otogi-kun from using the gas when he is home alone!).

"This was… a couple months after you left?" I wince but Otogi-kun continues, heedless of my discomfort (although I suppose there really is no reason for him to care about it, since I am making him tell me against his will). "She was one of the first fangirls that came along after the two of you broke up. She wasn't the first that he dated, but it wasn't long until they had gotten together."

He gives me a look, blank and innocent, "Out of all of the girls, I don't know why Kaiba chose her. She always struck me as a bit of a prick, to put it nicely. None of us got along very well with her."

"Why is that?"

"She thought Yuugi and Jyounouchi were childish for still playing Magic and Wizards. She called Mai a slut, Anzu an idealist freak and some other names I shouldn't repeat, and Shizuka a pathetic dolt with less sense than a hummingbird on crack. She says Malik is insane and should be locked away and that Isis should be given a restraining order for her part in Battle City. She liked Yami for a while because she thought he was hot… but then she found out he was having his affair with a card and a stuffed seal and that was the end of that."

"Sounds perfect for Seto…." I mumble softly, immediately regretting the words before they fully escape my evil mouth. Otogi-kun just blinks at me for a moment.

"And she hates Hiroto and I because we're… you know," his voice trails off at that as he sets down the cup of tea he was holding before, "Of course, none of this applies when it comes to a rich billionaire who happens to be very handsome and worth quite a few shopping trips."

"And available," I remind him, wondering if he'll catch the implication of my words.

Probably.

"And available," he repeats before making a face as he glares at me, "Are you implying that we would have been good for each other?"

"Well, you're pretty rich and according to a lot of heart broken girls at our school, very _hot_."

"Ha," he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "You wish. If I remember correctly from what Yuugi told me, they couldn't keep their hands off of you when you first came to Domino High."

"That didn't last as long as their infatuation with you," I reply before I suddenly realize something very odd about all of this, "Otogi-kun, if she's as bad as you say, why did Seto marry her?"

"Business reasons, really," Otogi-kun shrugs, "That's what I heard, at least. I think her father was offering quite a bit, and I think that Kaiba was beyond the point of caring. He never really did seem the same after you two split."

"It wasn't my fault," I snap. As if I didn't already know that.

"I didn't say it was," he replies mildly, "Anyhow, they got married and they had Meimi. Kaiba named her, as you probably know already. Meimi was a blessing… Kaiba loved her from the beginning."

"Mmm." I'm not surprised. If I could have had children… adopted, of course… I would have loved to have a daughter like Meimi.

"So it really wasn't that surprising when Kaiba got custody of her when they got a divorce."

"Mmm," I mumble before I suddenly jerk, the words sinking in. I turn towards Otogi-kun, my mouth dry and my eyes probably bugging out, "Na… na… _nanjyasoryaaaaaa?!_ [2]" I'm gaping like a goldfish, I swear I am, but I can't believe what I just heard… they're _divorced_?!

Maybe there's hope yet… wait, what on earth am I saying?!

"Here," Otogi-kun hands me another article, this time detailing the divorce, "It was what… one, two years after Meimi-chan was born? Cute thing, really… none of us were able to see her until after the divorce though. Mami didn't want us around. And frankly we didn't want to be near her either, which more or less caused another rift between Kaiba and us."

"I can't believe this…." I feel absolutely frozen, staring at the articles as if they're still part of my dream and going to disappear at any moment, "I can't believe any of this."

"I can't believe you found out. It hasn't been in the newspapers, everything has been quiet… what happened, exactly?" Otogi-kun glances over at me, and I look back, fighting down these horrible feelings I had when I saw Seto at the department store.

"I saw her."

"Mami?" His eyebrow twitches, obviously not happy. I shake my head quickly, which seems to placate him.

"Meimi-chan." He looks confused, so I plow ahead, "At the department store. You know the really big one downtown? The old one?"

Not even waiting for him to acknowledge my words, I keep going, sounding like I'm having a nervous breakdown or in hysterics (or are they the same thing?), "I was looking for a gift for some of my friends back in America… and I was in the book section and she was _there_ except she was lost and I never _suspected_ that she was… was his! She was lost so I took her to the front desk and Seto… he was there."

"Ah. He doesn't go out that often though."

"Yeah. Lucky me."

"Lucky you," Otogi-kun smirks, and I want to wipe that smirk off his face.

"I think I'll go to my room now. Thank you for answering my question."

I get up and walk to the guest room, quietly shutting the door and letting all the newfound information cause its usual chaos in my mind.

Searching for an answer to a question that was never there.

~ * ~ Monday

I was supposed to meet up with Jyounouchi-kun and Mai-san in order to meet their son, but he ended up at a friend's house while I was trapped with Jyounouchi-kun. Not to say I'm blaming Takuya-kun, as I'm sure any hyperactive child (as I'm sure Jyounouchi Takuya is) would be very quickly bored with the conversations of three adults who haven't seen each other in quite a while (and remember one of those adults had to be _dragged_ here by a certain other person). But still, I would rather be stuck with Otogi-kun, who pesters me in a more subtle manner, than Jyounouchi-kun, who pesters me more obviously and probably takes great delight in doing so.

"Bakura! Over here!"

I momentarily debate ignoring him. Yeah, that wouldn't look obvious… I'm approximately two feet away from him and every patron of this restaurant is staring at me as if I'm growing new heads. In fact, I probably could be growing more heads and they wouldn't be staring at me as much as they are right now!

My cheeks flaring, I hold my head as high as I can without looking like a complete prat (which means I can't lift it that high… in fact, I don't even understand the point of that action… as I walk as slowly as I can towards where Jyounouchi-kun and Mai-san are seated. Maybe if I walk slow enough, an earthquake will drop me back to American and I won't have to worry about all this.

Unfortunately, considering my rotten luck, what will happen is that I will reach them and then that before-mentioned earthquake will occur, dropping all three of us to the other side of the world where I will be stuck with Jyounouchi-kun and Mai-san for a decidedly sadistic amount of time (like for the rest of eternity).

As predicted, I reach the two without any problems like natural calamities. Quickly plastering a smile on my face (fine, I admit it… I'm still a bit mad at Jyounouchi-kun for pressuring me to come back, especially now that I've found out what Seto has been up to…), I greet them, "Konnichi wa, Jyounouchi-kun, Mai-san!"

Much to my surprise, instead of replying, both just stare at me. I blink, uncomprehending of what they are staring at… oh dear, is there something wrong with me _again_?!

I open my mouth to ask them exactly what's wrong this time when a hand rests on my shoulder and my mouth freezes, slightly open in mid-word. A feeling of ice and fire run down my spine as I quickly spin around to stare at the intruder, unsure of what to expect but praying that it is anybody but….

Oh Kami-sama.

This cannot be happening to me.

"Ka… Kaiba," Jyounouchi-kun breaks the scene as he glares at Seto, "What are you doing here?! Don't you have anything better than to bother us?"

Seto fails to rise to the bait, just looking carefully at Jyounouchi-kun, who is an angry shade of red and seething, and Mai-san, who is calmly drinking a glass of water. Instead, he pulls the chair out for me, gently taking my hand and sitting me down as my stomach continues to do a variety of gymnastics tricks that would have earned a 10 in the Olympics.

Jyounouchi-kun looks ready to explode.

Then, without comment, he pulls a chair from a nearby table and seats it next to me, sitting down and looking as if he isn't doing anything odd which would deserve the gaping stares that he's getting from… me, at least. Jyounouchi-kun just looks plain mad, Mai-san looks unfrazzled by the newcomer, and me…

I don't understand any of this.

For the second time in less than a week, I want to scream. I want to grab him by the shirt collar and demand to know what he is _doing_ to me, if he's taking some type of sadistic pleasure from all of this. Why me, why now?! Why does he continue this charade after _he_ ended it so long ago?!

He's not even acknowledging my presence right now, bringing a familiar feeling of depression that I certainly do not miss. He calls the waiter over with a confident wave of the hand and places his order. I just keep staring at him as he goes through the familiar actions.

How many times have I seen him do this? How many times have I seen him so cocky and confident as he goes about his business, the embodiment of traits that I do not and most likely will never possess?

How does he do this to me?

"Ryou?"

I can't help but flinch as I force myself to focus on his blue eyes. They haven't changed… they still have that icy covering, but if you look close you can see so many emotions within. They're jumbled and confused right now, but they're still there.

"Nani [3]?" I ask softly, barely audible. But he's used to it… whenever I get nervous, I always end up talking very softly. He knows me well enough to know that already, and I'm almost surprised to see that he still remembers it and is trained to hear me no matter what volume I speak at.

It's almost heart-warming, but then I remember waking up that morning and all the fuzzy feelings disappear as if they were drops of water evaporated by the uncaring, blistering hot sun.

"What do you want to eat?"

Anything that would stop this confusion.

Everyone is watching me expectantly: Jyounouchi-kun, Mai-san, the waiter… even some of the patrons! And of course, those blue eyes… just watching.

Right now the ice is hiding the emotions. I don't know what he's feeling. I thought I had learned to read him no matter what mood he was in… I guess I was wrong, and it's not a very pleasant feeling.

The words that escape my mouth are definitely not the ones I want to say or the ones I want heard by _anybody_ on this planet except myself and a teddy bear that Seto won for me named Dakishime [4].

"You know what I want."

There's a long silence as once again, everybody starts staring at me. My cheeks are as bright as a stop light, and I want to run out of the restaurant before I can embarrass myself again. Now I wouldn't mind if the earth swallowed me up, even if Jyounouchi-kun and Mai-san come with me!

Anything to get out of this.

Anything to get away from him.

He turns away and gives my order to the waiter, asking for some of my favorites. I want to cry, I really do. I still don't understand how any of this ended up happening, or why it happened.

The only person who is capable of giving me an answer is the person I ran away from over eight years ago. The person I loved and who I still love but really shouldn't.

I don't think I'm a romantic… not to that extreme level which one reads about in romance novels and fairytales. And deep down inside, part of me knows that to expect our relationship to last for the rest of our lives was a childish dream which wasn't likely to come true.

But at the same time, what about everybody else? How is it that they've succeeded in staying with the people they love? Am I really that cursed, where I fail in the one thing I really wanted, really _needed_? Did I need it? I always felt like I did, but isn't that what all people think when they're madly in love with someone?

Seto is finished ordering and he turns back to me. I honestly don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. Jyounouchi-kun is growling, and Mai-san _still _hasn't put down her glass of water.

Somebody hates me. Somebody really, really, _really_ hates me. I don't care what they say; there is simply no other explanation for it! Somebody hates me!

_"I'd rather face my own faults then be under someone else's thumb_."

Seto's words ring through my head, a memory from that night we made out in front of the auction house and completely horrified his poor driver (speaking of him, I never did see him again…).

I wonder though… does he consider our break-up his own mistake, or does he blame somebody else? Me, perhaps? Did I cause it somehow through some stupid mistake? I seem to make a lot of those.

Suddenly, astonishingly, he places his hand on mine, stilling it from when it used to be shaking nervously. I look up at him, shocked, as he leans closer.

"Can you meet me at the bridge later?"

There's no question about where he means… the bridge he speaks of is the bridge in Domino Park, a lovely piece of land. There's a small man-made river cutting through it at the halfway mark, and several bridges crossing it. The bridge he is referring to is, of course, the one we accidentally 'discovered' when Jyounouchi-kun pushed the two of us in the river. Accidentally, so he claims, although it didn't stop us from chasing him up a tree later. Anyhow, we ended up coming out on the wrong side, and rather than wading through the river _again_, we decided to search for the nearest bridge.

The bridge we found was barely visible, hidden away behind a conveniently located batch of trees. It was sturdy but looked relatively unused, definitely a surprise. Many a wonderful night had been spent there, watching the moon through the gap between the trees. The moonlight reflection on the river never seemed to waver… it just floated there, a perfect circle.

I find myself nodding.

No more words were shared between us for the rest of the meal. Which seemed to consist mainly of Mai-san scolding Jyounouchi-kun for making threatening noises at Seto, who proceeded to ignore all of them as I watched quietly, an observer rarely acknowledged but always there. Watching… just watching.

~ * ~

The bridge is still there, and it looks relatively unscathed. Which is more than what I can say about some of the other areas. It's sad to see something that has so much meaning to you destroyed by graffiti or something similar to that, an event that happened many times in America. Vandalism like that isn't as common in Japan, but that doesn't mean it's not there.

Several of the bridges I passed were no longer as pristine as they once were. Some weren't even in there, torn down. There were even some new ones, that just looked so new and… uninspiring, with no happy memories to make them worth giving more than a cursory glance.

It's probably the trees that saved this bridge, I realize. They seem to be even more wild than before, but it's a nice type of wild. Not dangerous and not exactly exotic, but… mysterious, I suppose. A comforting, inviting mystery that promises a pleasant surprise at the end, rather than a death or robbery.

There should be more things like that in life, but we can't get everything we want. In fact, we rarely get what we want, and I find it rather annoying….

"You came."

Seto sounds pleased as I whirl around to look at him. He's leaning against the side of the bridge, staring into the water where the moon used to be. I wonder if we will be able to see it despite the density of the foliage above us. I wonder if I would even want to see it, what with all the memories surrounding this place.

But then why did I come now?

"You didn't expect me to?"

I don't know why he always tells me that, but even though the answer never changes and I never give him reason to acknowledge that fact, he still says it. It's some type of ritual, I suppose, but even though I'm a part of it I still don't understand it. And sometimes I think that I never will.

He doesn't reply to that, and I stay where I am at the base of the bridge, not brave enough to move closer to him. He's standing in the middle, where we used to stand to watch the moon.

How does he manage to stand there so casually? As if nothing bothers him, as if he is oblivious to what is going on around him?

"I wanted to say sorry."

The words are sudden and take me by surprise, and I blink at him. He still isn't looking at me, peering at the river, but his mouth keeps going and I can't help but listen.

"I shouldn't have done that to you… but I didn't want to face you when I told you."

Silence.

I remember that morning in perfect detail. And it wasn't just any random morning that I remember because of what happened when I woke up, but it was also the day that we were going to graduate. Seto was, of course, a top student, but I wasn't that shabby either. We had celebrated with the others the night before, and rather than going home and sleeping off the excitement, we had proceeded to return to our apartment… we shared one at the time… and have our own celebration.

He never gave any indication that something was going to happen. Never. I didn't even suspect anything until it happened, when I woke up in bed alone.

There was a note on the pillow, telling me that he was sorry but it was over. That was it, really. That's what happened. I woke up and discovered that my koi's graduation gift to me was a break-up letter.

I couldn't face him after that. Maybe if there had been some warning signs, it would have been better. Maybe if he had the dignity to tell me face to face, it would have been better. Maybe if it had been anything _but_ that, it would have been better. I honestly don't know because it's already happened and now here we are, facing each other after what had to be the cleanest break-up in the history of mankind.

Kinda.

"It took you over eight years to say sorry?" the words nearly cause me to choke as they escape my lips. They seem uncharacteristic but that's what I feel like.

It's just that… one moment we were together and the next we weren't. And the change came so suddenly and so randomly that I was unprepared to cope with it mentally and emotionally. And it appears that I still am unable to cope with it, even though I've had so much time to think about it.

But maybe it's because I never understood why it happened. I still don't. I don't think I ever will unless he tells me, and I don't have the courage to ask him to explain himself. I could have, back then, but not anymore. My nerves feel shot and I feel like I'm going to collapse any moment.

He still hasn't answered, and I don't know if he's going to.

I wish I was a stone. I know that sounds random but it's what I want to be right now. Stones don't feel. Stones can't get hurt. Stones don't cry.

I want to cry right now.

Perhaps he sensed it because he suddenly looks over at me, blue eyes filled with concern and… pity. Pity? Pity because stupid, incompetent little Bakura Ryou still can't deal with this after eight years? Kami-sama, can I get anymore pathetic?

No. No, I don't want an answer from that. Not even from Yami Bakura, who I'm sure has a smart answer to all my thoughts but is decent enough not to voice them.

_Want me to take over right now?_ he suggests hopefully. If I agree, he's probably going to punch Seto and I'll get arrested for assault. No thank you, although I have to admit that the thought is very tempting.

Certainly though, I know that he isn't asking because he wants to help me. I have a feeling he wants to do it because it'll be a source of entertainment for him. I don't know what he does in his kokoro no heya [5], but it probably gets pretty boring, especially for somebody as psychotic as him.

_No._

_Don't you think you can stand up for yourself just once, yadonushi_ [6]_? If you don't want to deal with this, just go. Nobody's making you stay._

It is an admittedly rare event that I decide to follow Yami Bakura's advice, especially since most of them are ill-willed, but I agree with him this time. I don't want to deal with this. I really don't think I can right now. Not now, so soon after I discovered that Seto has already gone on with his life while I'm clinging desperately to pieces which no longer fit together.

"I have to go now, Kaiba-kun."

The impersonal words slip out, and I can see that they hurt him just as much as they hurt me. I don't know if I meant for it to come out that way, but there's no changing it right now.

I don't know if I want to anyway.

"Ryou…" Just by saying my name he seems to put some ancient spell on me, entrancing me and trapping me to his will and every whim. I don't know if I can escape.

_I don't have any other way of telling you this except to say that it's over. I'm sorry and I didn't want it to be this way…_.

The words keep ringing in my ears. How many times did I read that letter that morning? How many times did I stare at the letter, hoping that it was just some sick joke and any moment you were going to walk in with a smile on your lips before you embraced me?

Don't you know how much you _hurt_ me? Don't you know how much you hurt me now? I thought you knew me better than that. I thought _I_ knew you better than that.

Perhaps we were both wrong.

"I have to go," I repeat, and before he can say anything else that might change my mind, I turn and flee.

It took me a month to stop hoping that he was going to show up at my doorstep. A month. For days and weeks I thought that maybe it was just a mistake, but nothing ever happened. He never called, never e-mailed, never made his presence known. It was as if he had dropped off the face of the planet, or perhaps I had dropped off his. I was no longer a part of his world. I was an unwelcome intruder who had finally overstayed the appropriate amount of time.

Sometimes, in fits of insanity I am sure, I still believe that something might happen. But now that something is happening, although I do not understand what it is, I can't deal with it. It scares me so much to know what he has to say to me because… I still can't face him.

I can't stop dreaming. Has he?

That character in the American novel never stopped believing that perhaps that day was coming. Not once… he kept thinking that maybe, just maybe… it was going to happen. That soon he was going to be able to stop fantasizing because his daydreams were reality rather than baseless chimeras.

"[He] believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further… And one fine morning—" [7]

Perhaps one day we will be able to touch the stars, but for now it continues to be an impossible dream.

Translations and Notes:

[1] Who is it? (Note: It would be pronounced with two syllables… not like the English word 'dare', but 'da-re'.

[2] What the _hell_?!

[3] What?

[4] The name comes from the Japanese word for 'cuddle', _dakishimeru_.

[5] Kokoro is heart or spirit, no is a possessive particle, and heya is room. Basically the soul room.

[6] King's property; what Yami no Bakura calls Ryou

[7] Quoted from The Great Gatsby

PM *ducks rotten vegetables*: AHH! *ducks behind Seto and uses him as a shield*

Seto: What the… *gets pelted by rotten vegetables*

Ryuuji: So that's what happened between the two of you… no wonder Ryou is such a freak now.

Ryou *frothing at mouth…*

PM: I really want to look at that tranquilizer dart. Are you sure you didn't accidentally give him rabies or something?

Ryuuji: You want to try it?

PM *GLARE*: Anyhow… I hope you liked that chapter. You finally found out what happens, at least! Bleh, that last part was a bit of an info dump, wasn't it? Hope it wasn't too much… and I hope I'm not scaring all of you too badly… *grins* In reference to the fear that the wife was Emi-chan… I would never do something as evil as that! Really!

Yami: Liar.

PM: Urusei!

Pikachumaniac


	4. Clipped Wings

Disclaimer: I have a pretty Yu-gi-oh wall scroll… my mom actually BOUGHT it for me!! Now if only I can convince her to let me buy the DVD set when it comes out… she's perfectly willing to offer me a pair of $50 pants while she seems to grow hives when I ask about the DVDs…. (WHICH I WILL PAY FOR MYSELF!)

Look the Other Way

PM: It just occurred to me that this title doesn't seem to make that much sense…. *coughs* Yes. Moving on. The first part of this chapter, which takes place in Seto's POV, takes place on Monday. The rest of the chapter, which takes place on Tuesday, is in Ryou's POV. Kay?

Ryou *smiling sweetly and is no longer frothing at mouth*

PM *peers at him quizzically* Are you okay?

Ryou *smiles sweetly at PM*

PM *sweatdrops*: Err…

*cardboard cut-out of Ryou falls over*

PM: *long silence* RYUUJIIIIIIIIIIIIII! KISAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Ryuuji *snickering*

PM *smacks him*: Also, just wanted to say that it's a bad idea to kill the second main character in this story. Even if it's Baka Kaiba…. *watches as Kaiba gets chased around in little circles by fic readers* Oy….

Everyone, thank rayemars-san for helping me out with this chapter. ^_^ Wouldn't have been able to publish it if she hadn't given me the confidence to do so… And thanks to the reviewers: Pikazoom, Wildwolf (the driver? He's probably insane by now!), No Name (Meimi is going to have an important part, but she isn't really a focus of the story. She's necessary to what happens, but that could be said of all the characters), Nalan Li (Yami no Bakura? That poor guy has been soooo neglected), fani90 (Ryuuji: I don't hurt Ryou. I just enlighten him. PM: Whatever.), Angel-Belle (Just… don't kill BakaKaiba, kay?), Shenya (*smacks Yami Shenya* THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!), Shikou Yamitsuki (What about poor me? *puppy eyes*), Erfaciel (*laughs as Erfaciel-san runs after Seto with a sword*), Aznsilhouette247 (*in Legolas voice… flips hair* I'm immortal), Amiasha (I will e-mail you back! Promise!), Karadaki (How many times has Seto been called a *beep!* in these reviews? *awed*), Neko-chan (*smacks Neko-chan-chan* You should put warnings on your reviews!), KeMu (Hmm… that song should be Ryou-kun's theme song…), tuulikki (Ryou: No! I want him to suffer! *glares at Seto* PM: --;;), justine, A Laugh That is Evil (Quoting the Great Gatsby, actually. And Seto better not put Meimi up for adoption… if people don't like him now, I think they'd kill him for doing that!), Dani (Yuki *sobs* Yami: HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT YUKI?!), Dark Eyed (will reply to your e-mail soon! *glomps* Missed you so much!), Shamanic Guardian Lena (It's not that difficult to write… unless it's in BakaKaiba's POV *GLARE*), and Lena (Sta… sta… stalk?!). *waves* Arigatou, minna!

~ Clipped Wings ~

"I wanted to say sorry."

Sorry seems so insignificant and I can see that in your eyes. I can see what you're doing right now… you're trying to forget what happened that day. You're trying to forget what you buried and what my presence has brought back to you.

"I shouldn't have done that to you… but I didn't want to face you when I told you."

I really could have done it in a better way, couldn't I? The note… I didn't want to face you. I couldn't because I knew and I still know that if I did, I wouldn't have been able to go through with it. If I had called you and left a message, it still would have been too intimate. I needed to do it in a way so that you couldn't see or hear me. I wanted to do it in a way so that you wouldn't want to remember it.

I don't think I succeeded. Well, that's putting it lightly; I know I didn't succeed. I knew it as soon as I heard from the dog that you had suddenly packed up and moved to America.

Although you might not believe me, I really didn't want it to be this way. I know you harbored dreams about how we would somehow manage to be together forever, and trust me… I had those dreams once too. And I believed in them because there really was no reason not to. Mokuba was fine with it, your annoying friends were fine with it, and some of the others were fine with it.

Not all of them. It would have been unrealistic of me to believe that everybody would be oh-so accepting of our relationship, especially after some of the things I've seen happen. It seems to be in human nature to shy away from the things that they can't understand, and this is sometimes one of them. 

Sometimes, I think it was the pressure that finally caused me to end it. I was happy when I was with you, but when I wasn't… it wasn't that obvious. Not always, at least. Few people ever came right out and told me that they didn't want to work with me because of my decision. But… how could it be that a big businessman like me would be… that way? Otogi is lucky, in that aspect. Not as much is expected out of him, and… well, he never did seem very worried about showing off.

I mean, look at how he _stands_.

I think it was the stereotype. You know… marry, settle down, have kids, grow old and eventually senile. You, with your soft white hair and even softer blue eyes… you just weren't supposed to fit into the equation that social conformity had created over centuries.

And eventually, I succumbed to that standard.

"It took you over eight years to say sorry?"

I wince at your words, which seem to sound bitter but I can see that you don't really mean them that way when I look into your eyes. The soft blue is sad and most importantly, _confused_. You don't understand why I did it and sometimes I don't know why I did it either. And even if you did understand why I broke the relationship, you still don't understand why I chose to do it that way.

I didn't want to do it face to face because I didn't want to see you hurt. I knew you would be hurt… how could you not? I just didn't want to see it though. Both you and I know that I have a fabulous poker face… but it crumbles when I am around people I care about. And even when I try to use it, as I've done so many times before, you just look right through it. In that way, you're like Mokuba… both of you see me for who I am rather than who I try to hide myself behind.

Eight years… sometimes I believe it's still a dream. I sometimes think that it couldn't have happened, that it was a horrible dream. But dreams are nothing more than just that, and eventually I wake up.

I was hoping that I would wake up to your white hair.

I never did. At first I woke up to discover that I was alone. Then I woke up to the chestnut sheen of Mami's hair. And now….

Meimi has nightmares sometimes. She'll come to my room, hugging a ragged stuffed seal that Yami had gotten for her. Its given name is _Seppen_ [1], but us grownups privately call it Yuki the Second. And she'll crawl under the covers… sometimes I know she's there, but sometimes I don't. And those times that I don't, I'll wake up from my own nightmares to the white fur of Yuki II, and for a moment of disoriented insanity, I'll wonder if it's you. But then I get a good look at the black eyes and my eyes will start to focus and see Meimi sleeping peacefully, and I'll know that this is not a dream.

I love her though. Not Mami, certainly, but Meimi. If we could have had a child, I think you would have been ecstatic with someone like her.

You did seem to get along with her very well in the department store. Perhaps…?

"I have to go now, Kaiba-kun."

Although… although it should be expected, I cannot help but stare. I feel as if we have suddenly degenerated 12 years, and I'm once again asking you if you would mind 'pretending' to be my boyfriend.

You looked so shocked when I asked… your eyes were wide and your mouth open and closing like a fish.

"Ryou…" Your name just seems to fall out, and I can see that you look ready to cry.

"I have to go."

Before I can reach out to grab your wrist and prevent you from running out of my life _again_, you turn and seem to disappear. I don't know how you managed to do that, even though you stand out so much, but even though I start running toward where you had been standing only seconds ago, I have no idea where you have gone.

If I hadn't known better, I would have suspected that the spirit of the Sennen Ring had somehow whisked you away. But that doesn't seem right. The Sennen Ring had always protected you from things that directly threatened your physical body and mental capacity… but never your emotional state. Which I suppose is a good thing because I would be dead and cremated if it had cared that much about you.

Perhaps it should. Perhaps I should be dead and cremated. Except I doubt the spirit of the Sennen Ring would be decent enough to cremate me (unless it involved burning my body by jabbing those pointers into my chest) [2]; instead, it would probably bury me six feet under.

~ * ~

"Tousama!"

I can't help but smile weakly as Meimi runs toward me, her high ponytail starting to fall out of its tie. I have to admit that as a father who needs to take the place of her mother, I haven't been doing as good a job as I can. For example, her hair… no matter how hard I try, her hair just won't stay in the big ribbon. I've asked Emi what I should do, but she just laughed and declined to help me, much to my disconcertment.

Ryou would probably be able to do a much better job than me.

Perhaps it wasn't fair to Mami, but I was never able to stop comparing her to you. Nobody was able to come near you, and that fact weighed heavily on my mind every time I got together with another girl who was trying to replace you.

Mami… Yuugi and the others thought it was weird that I chose her. Now that I look back, it probably was weird that I chose her. She is as different from you than one could possibly be… where you were quiet, she was loud. Where you were willing to fade into the background, she would make sure everybody knew she was there. Where you were gentle, she was harsh. Where you were loving, she was possessive.

I… I think that's why she was the one who lasted. Because she wasn't anything like you, and she didn't remind me of you. The others… sometimes they would have a trait that would cause me to remember you, but they just weren't you. With her, I could never be reminded of you.

Certainly there were other reasons… business reasons. Otogi guessed it first, and although he never brought it up, it was always in his eyes, quiet and disappointed.

But because she was so different, I wasn't compatible with her. Never was.

Meimi… Mami hoped that Meimi would keep us together, but it didn't work. She didn't really care for her as much as I wanted her to, content to hire a nanny and let that do. I spent the entire two years thinking that if it was you in her place, you'd probably be changing her diapers… or tricking me into changing her diapers. You thought I forgot about that one, didn't you? How could I? It was the first time I really realized that breaking it off with you after the promised 'week' wouldn't be as easy as I had hoped. [3] But you would have wanted to be as close to Meimi as you possibly could, and it finally forced me to realize that I had to end my relationship with Mami. She just wasn't you, and since I couldn't forget you….

I didn't want to commit myself to a relationship with anybody but you. It seems kind of odd and decidedly pathetic on my behalf, but it's true. Over and over again I've wished that I wasn't so impulsive and _willing_ to conform to the expectations that were placed upon me so long ago, but wishing never brought about anything.

You know, I could have lived with myself without you. Meimi was helping… she reminds me of you sometimes. A bit more hyperactive, certainly, but there's this gentle quality about her that just reminds me of you.

Mami threatened me when I gave her the divorce papers. I wasn't very surprised about that, and I wasn't very worried by her threats. She threatened to take Meimi from me, but I knew she wouldn't. She didn't want to take care of Meimi, so when the dust finally settled I got Meimi and she got a hefty check which kept her satisfied for about two years or so. I don't particularly care because I haven't bothered to look back on that. We talk every once in a while… more often then I would like, definitely… and I can't say that I miss her.

Unlike you.

And I was just starting to learn how to live without you.

"How was school, Meimi?" I quickly pull the ribbon out of her hair before it can completely fall off, as it had been threatening to do for a while it seems, and she lets me before quickly hugging me.

She grimaces, her nose wrinkling as if she had just smelled something foul, an action which reminds me rather disturbingly of Mami but at least she makes it… cuter, "It was okay… but I thought you were going to pick me up today? I was surprised when Yuugi-san and Anzu-san came."

"I had to take care of some business." For lack of a better word.

But since when… since when was Ryou 'business'?

"Did it go well?"

I can still see your face. You looked ready to cry, and there were thousands of emotions going through your eyes as you tried to find something to say. Tried to reply to the few words I was able to give you after such a long period of time.

Why is it that I dwell on the past so much when I should know that it's useless to do such things? Sure, we had a wonderful relationship… but was it really so special that I have spent eight years wondering how I could have let it fall to pieces? How did I, who has so much control, end up losing control over something as important as this?

A sad smile meets Meimi, "No. It didn't go well."

"Why not?"

Because I hurt you too much to have it go well. It's hard to forget something like that so quickly, and I would have been very surprised if you had. I probably would have pinched myself to make sure I was still awake.

"It just didn't, Meimi," I sigh, closing that topic of discussion before switching to a different one, "Anything exciting happen to you?"

"Anzu-san and Yuugi-san took me to the shelter to see Michelle-san after they picked me up. She was really mad though. Tetsuji had just painted the cat green. [4]"

~ * ~ Tuesday

"Finally awake, Bakura-kun?"

I walk in to see Otogi-kun with his arms around Honda-kun's chest as the latter tries to cook some semblance of breakfast even though there's an extra head on his shoulder. I've never seen Otogi-kun in such a state of disarray before… it looks like he's taken a shower recently because although his bangs are dry and already all over the place, his hair has not yet been pulled into the usual ponytail and he had yet to tie on his bandanna. Plus he's only wearing an oversized black t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

I so did not need to wake up to see this.

"Ha… ha… hai…" I stutter as I continue to just stare. Otogi-kun ignores my stare, and Honda-kun is so engrossed in making breakfast that he doesn't notice.

"Why don't you just sit down? It'll be done in a bit," Honda-kun finally speaks, never taking his eyes off of breakfast. Which is this rather burnt mass of something unrecognizable.

Apparently, Honda-kun's cooking skills are about as lacking as Otogi-kun's skills.

Otogi-kun obviously thinks so as well because he sighs into Honda-kun's ear, "Even I can cook better than you, Hiroto… I still don't get why you won't let me cook once in a while."

"Jeez, let me think about that," Honda-kun drawls lazily as he empties the gunk into a plate (I sincerely hope he doesn't plan on making me eat that), "That incident with the fire department?"

Otogi-kun looks offended, "That was only one!"

"One too many."

"At least my food was edible." And on that point, I have to side with Otogi-kun… I think I'm going to get sick if they try to feed me anything that wasn't made by somebody else. I genuinely fear for my life, and I'm really not just saying that without having very good reason.

"Before or after it was sprayed with a fire extinguisher?"

I can't help but pale as Honda-kun turns, probably to hand me that alien substance on the plate, but he's having difficulties doing so since Otogi-kun is still attached to him. I have this odd desire to start worshipping Otogi-kun and the ground he stands on….

Honda-kun sighs and turns as best as he can when he has Otogi-kun's head on his shoulder, "Let go of me, Ryuuji."

"No," Otogi-kun sticks his tongue out, "I won't force Bakura-kun to submit to your horrible cooking just so that you can prove to me that not everyone gets food poisoning when they try to eat it."

Well, that was an unexpected show of good will.

Then, before I can blink, Otogi-kun starts nuzzling Honda-kun's neck and Honda-kun responds by kissing the top of the black hair. My stomach is starting to roll, and I can't tell if it's from the prospect of eating Honda-kun's cooking or from this display of affection.

I'm jealous of them.

The realization is slow to hit but as soon as it does, I cannot help but realize how true it is. It's not that I want to have a display of public affection, which I happen to know that Otogi-kun and Honda-kun engage whenever they feel like it (and it seemed they especially like to do it in crowded places), but just to be able to show that type of affection.

Seto and I… I think the closest we ever got to public affection was when we made out in front of the auction house. Except… it was dark and… and…

I always wondered, before and after our relationship ended, if we had actually loved each other by that point at the auction house. It's highly debatable and I don't know the answer… I don't know if I ever will.

Somewhere along this point, the kiss between Honda-kun and Otogi-kun has progressed to a loud thump due to the fact that Honda-kun has 'accidentally' shoved Otogi-kun down onto the ground and they're now looking ready to….

Well, I'm glad that at the age of 30 or so, they haven't lost the passion of their romance.

Finally, after about twenty more seconds, I realize that I'm going to get sick if I stay here any longer. And if I don't leave, I'm going to destroy their happy little lovemaking by either barfing on them or trying to strangle them.

"I'm… I'm going to go see oniisan right now. I'll pick up breakfastonthewaybye!"

Before they can react, if they have even heard, I quickly rush out of the apartment. Running away from a dream I once had, rushing towards a future I never wanted.

~ * ~

"I don't suppose you're hungry… I seem to remember something in the news about your friend nearly setting the apartment on fire," Erika-san looks at me suspiciously. Not that any actual answer is required, especially since my stomach decides to give a very well-timed growl.

So I was wrong… I didn't have time to pick up something to eat on the way. The trains were especially crowded because I had the bad enough luck to rush out of the house just as rush hour was starting to pick up.

"And you're skinny enough already…" oniisan sighs and shakes his head. I just glare at him, resisting the urge to throw my cup at his head. But then Erika-san would have whacked me for breaking one of her cups, and I've had enough experience with _that_, thank you very much, "What, you been starving yourself or something?"

"I am perfectly fine, thank you," I mutter. I swear, sometimes oniisan has nothing better to do than torment me… I know that big brothers have some type of duty to do that and all, but I think he takes it to the extreme and I am frankly not happy with that.

"Suguru, stop picking on him!" Erika-san comes to my aid and shuts him up… temporarily. However, I have a feeling that the only reason why she's doing that is because she wants to lead the next attack.

I have this strange desire to turn around, run back out the door, and hop on the next plane to America.

Again, well-timed, Erika-san places her hand on my shoulder and forcibly seats me, giving me a look that clearly says 'you're not weaseling your way out of this one'. I just groan.

In the past couple of years, I've only seen oniisan, Erika-san, and my nephew Ikumi about four times… once every two years. They visited me right after I got settled down and three times afterwards… once with otousan and okaasan. Each of those four times have more or less been a disaster (in my opinion), since oniisan is naturally nosy and Erika-san is no better. The result was many situations in which I wanted to kill somebody.

I have a suspicion that this time is going to be no better.

"Here," Erika-san places a plate of actual _food_ before me, and I mumble a thanks before I eagerly start to munch it down. I'm absolutely starving, and I've recovered from the nasty illness I contracted from looking at Honda-kun's dreadful attempts at cooking. Honestly, there are certain people who should not be allowed to cook, and it seems that both Honda-kun and Otogi-kun fit that category.

"So…." Oniisan has that look in his eyes which promises great harm to my mental state, "How has your trip been so far? Good? Bad? Educational?"

I glare.

He smiles knowingly, "So you saw him, hmm?"

"Suguru!"

"Yes Erika? Love of my life?" he turns to look innocently at Erika-san, who smacks him with the spoon she was holding before sitting down at the table. Erika-san is about a centimeter shorter than oniisan, and she has short black hair which falls into her eyes. She has two piercings in each ear, something that oniisan is always complaining about because he claims that it costs twice the amount as just one piercing in each ear since she has to wear two pairs of earrings. I think he would have gone further if she hadn't threatened to give him a couple piercings.

"Stop torturing your brother."

"Isn't that what he's here for?"

Last time I checked, that was so _not_ in my job description.

She sighs and turns to me, shrugging, "I don't know what to do about him. He's impossible to handle! No wonder his mother was so eager to get rid of him!"

"You married me."

"If I remember correctly, I was drunk at the time."

I groan as the two of them completely forget that I exist and start bickering, as Honda-kun and Otogi-kun had done before. Not that it matters anymore because I'm starting to get used to it. I think I got used to it a long time ago, actually, but it's not always a bad thing. It can even be a good thing at times, for there are times when I really don't mind being overlooked.

Like this one, especially since I have a suspicion that oniisan has a desire to speak about a subject that I wish to avoid for as long as I possibly can. Although the longer this trip goes on, it seems to just be making this subject more obligatory. And I certainly don't need that.

"So, Ryou," oniisan turns back to me, and I groan softly, "What are your plans?"

I stare, confused by this seemingly random question. Seemingly since I do think it's random but knowing oniisan, there's probably some horrid reasoning behind it. "What do you mean by that?"

He laughs with the air of someone who knows more than everybody else, "Oh, Ryou, don't play stupid right now. Especially now, it's not the time. But tell me Ryou, if you can. Why did you come back?"

Oh my god… what on earth is he saying?! I hate this, I really do hate this. My mind decides to go into a complete shut-down as I try to get some form of coherency out.

"Jyou… Jyou… Jyounouchi-kun…"

Oniisan sighs with the air of somebody who is voluntarily putting himself through a lot of torture, and it reminds me of Seto, "Ryou…"

"Is this really the time to lie to yourself?" Erika-san interrupts, causing me to look at her in confusion. I hate it when the two of them play such mind games with me… it just makes me feel stupid, and that is definitely something that I need more of. I already feel stupid many times a day… it's gotten to the point that I'm unnaturally used to it. Before I can speak, she continues, "You've already done it so many times, Ryou. You shouldn't do it anymore."

"You came because of him, didn't you?" oniisan takes unfair advantage of my stunned silence to press on his point, "Why else would you come?"

That causes a bit of anger to stir within me. Why does everybody think that my world revolves around Seto, just because I'm… I'm… seemingly obsessed with him or something! Which I'm not!

"I care about my friends, oniisan. Why can't you just accept that that's the reason why I came?" I snap, not liking this scenario at all. And I also do not like the state I'm in.

He waves me off, "I'm sure that's part of the reason, Ryou. But is it really the entire reason? Or did Jyounouchi-kun's phone call make you realize that you couldn't very well run away from it forever?"

"How did you know…" I cut myself off before I can finish the question of how oniisan could have known that Jyounouchi-kun called. I don't quite recall telling him, but I suppose that Jyounouchi-kun must have called him to tell him that I was calling. Or at least, I'm going to just assume that for now because all this thinking is making my head spin.

"Seto…" the word feels somewhat alien to me right now… not as bad as before because I've finally acknowledged that I can't keep forgetting about him without having my sanity affected (not that I was ever very sane in the first place, I suppose), "He's… he's not my problem anymore."

"Not your problem?" oniisan grins, "Says the boyfriend of about four years? As long as you still care about him, it's still your problem. From what I've heard, he's been waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" I cannot help but laugh rather cynically, "I don't think so."

I don't know why everyone seems to think these things. When we were first getting together, both Jyounouchi-kun and Otogi-kun were under the impression that he actually _liked_ me. Okay, well, they were right and everything… but still!! That was before, this is now. And I'm pretty sure that nothing is going to be happening between the two of us.

"He divorced her," Erika-san points out.

"So? Otogi-kun said she wasn't the most pleasant person to deal with."

"He never remarried? Doesn't that tell you anything?"

Once upon a time, it might have. It really might have, but that was a long time ago. It's just that… I've had eight years to mull over these things, and that's really eight years too many, but I have always been a coward and I am scared of having to go through the same things again. Once is enough and more than enough, and I don't think I'm ready to possibly subject myself to all of this if it shouldn't last.

"No," I can't help but reply flatly, "Not anymore."

Erika-san looks at me sympathetically, "Ryou…."

"He might be ready to try again. I don't know what he went through these past eight years, but he seems to have gotten along well enough without me. But me? I'm not ready to try again, all right? I'm just not," I sigh as I lean back, "And I don't know if I ever will be."

~ * ~

Oniisan and Erika-san were kind enough to drop the subject, and I'm very grateful to that. We went around the subject of Seto as much as possible, and I was almost able to forget about him.

Although I suppose that's not saying much. But it's rare that I can completely forget him, reinforcing the concept of myself having an obsessive-compulsive disorder with him. Not that that's a good thing, certainly. But it's true considering how I haven't been able to forget him.

Oh yeah. I'm pretty sure I've gone insane.

Since it's getting late and I want to beat rush hour, they've finally let me go since Ikumi got back in time for me to greet him, give him a gift, and spoil him rotten.

"Will you be coming back before you leave?" Ikumi smiles brightly as I get ready to go.

"Hopefully," I grin, ruffling his hair which is a blackish-blue, "But I can't guarantee I will be able to get you something else. Your parents, for the oddest reason, think I'm spoiling you."

Well, we both know that I am… but we both have failed to acknowledge it.

"Of course you're not," is the innocent reply as Erika-san sighs.

"Say good-bye to ojisan [5], Ikumi."

"Ja ne [6], ojisan!"

"Come back soon, Ryou. We missed you a lot," Erika-san grins and she also waves as oniisan ushers me out to the door. I wave at them both casually.

"Heh… see? It wasn't _that_ bad," oniisan decides to ruffle my hair and I squeak in indignation. He is always doing that to me, and he knows I dislike it greatly.

"Define bad."

"You're always so bitter," oniisan sighs as I shrug and start to walk away.

Bitter?! BITTER?! What the heck is he talking about?!?!?!

"Oh, and by the way…." I pause to look at oniisan, who has a rather sadistic smile on his face. No, I don't know what side of the family he got it from, but I can't help but be a little happy that at least he didn't leave any for me….

"I'm the one who gave Jyounouchi your phone number."

My jaw drops.

"Ja ne," he waves at me before slamming the door in my face as I stutter.

Ever since I agreed to come to Japan, everything has been spiraling out of control. I didn't think any of this would happen… I thought that I would be able to avoid Seto, avoid his memory, avoid _all_ of this. But instead, it's like I've jumped off a cliff hoping that my wings would spread in time to save me, only to discover that they've been clipped and I'm falling to a fate I could never control in the first place.

Translations and Notes:

[1] Snowflake

[2] The punishment of the Sennen Ring refers to a scene in volume 15 where Pegasus is explaining what happened to a thief that stole the Sennen Ring and was thus forced to undergo a test to show whether or not he was the destined owner. Since he wasn't, the pointers dug themselves into his chest, fire came out of his mouth, and he dropped to the ground a skeleton. The cremation refers to the Japanese preference of cremation over burial.

[3] Reference to the chapter 6 in "Fairydust", where Seto and Ryou ended up volunteering at a shelter.

[4] Michelle and Tetsuji both come from "Fairydust" chapter 6, "The Ugly Umbrella". Michelle is the volunteer who helped acquaint Seto and Ryou to their surroundings, and Tetsuji is the baby that Seto was stuck taking care of.

[5] Uncle

[6] See you later

PM *whining*: I cannot write Seto POV right now… I don't know what's wrong with me! It's just not working! *sits down and cries*

Yami: Loser.

PM: *SMACK* Anyhow, today I'm introducing two special guest stars (kinda… one is always forced to be here and the other one isss new)! Yami-kun the great-great-great-great-great-great…

Yami *genuinely shocked*: What?

PM *ignoring him*: great-great-great-great-great-great-etc, etc, etc grandpappy of Neko-chan-chan! *ducks FPoD*

Yami: WHAT?!?! *turning red… and probably seeing it too!*

Neko-chan: GREAT-(etc, etc)-GRANDPAPPY! *glomps Yami*

*counting… three, two, one….*

Yami: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *bonks PM with a mallet* STOP THIS! STOP THIS! YAMERUUUUUUUU!

PM: You two have to be related! You both like hitting me with blunt, heavy objects… *rubs head* Ouch….

Neko-chan *smiles sweetly before bopping PM on the head with the FPoD*

PM *wails*: ITAIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Yami: I'm going to KILL whichever descendents of mine spawned this evil demon….

Neko-chan *still glomping on*: You owe me birthday gifts.

Yami *has attack of the eyebrow twitchies*

PM *massaging forehead which is rapidly bruising due to many whacks*

Pikachumaniac


	5. Pint Sized Babysitter

Disclaimer: *lawyers hand PM a restraining order*

Look the Other Way

PM *waves shyly*: Gomen nasai, mina-san. I'm sorry I wasn't able to update for three weeks… However, I just disliked chapter 5 so much and I didn't have time to write this chapter with quarter finals. Plus I just need a bit of a break… I've been feeling stressed lately, so I needed some relax time.

Ryuuji: Well, you certainly could relax when it comes to talking.

PM *smacks him*

Ryuuji: ITAI!

PM: *rolls eyes* This chapter takes place on Wednesday morning and afternoon, and I hope you all enjoy the new chapter 5!

Many, many thanks to rayemars-san for her wonderful beta-reading. And to the readers, of course! Wildwolf-chan (Ahh! Evil spatula! I hope this won't be showing up in our e-mails… which I need to reply to --;;), me (Ryou is fun to torture, ne?), Shamanic Guardian Lena (Yuki I is still around, of course! I just don't know if he'll be able to make an appearance in this story ;-;), Erfaciel (Ryou and Seto *trying to get themselves untied…*, PM *HAVING VERY KINKY THOUGHTS ABOUT THE TWO*), Neko-baka-chan-chan (Ryuuji: I AM NOT RELATED TO HER!), fani90 (Eh… it's not like Ryou's innocent anymore! *grin*), Shikou Yamitsuki (Seto and Ryou will get shoved together… but I can't tell you how right now! Ryuuji: She doesn't know…), No Name (You're right about mami coming back, but not to get Meimi. :P And Ryou doesn't really have an older brother… it was a translation error that I made. He has a younger sister though, but she died in a car crash), Crystalline Maxwell (don't hit your head… a friend of mine did that and she started bleeding!), justine (If they don't get together, some people will be veryyyy mad at me… *shivers*), Angel-Belle (Ryou: I feel sorry for me too. PM *rolls eyes*), Shenya (don't worry… this story doesn't have much of a point in general. :p), Karadaki (*starts cheering along with you*), Dark Eyed (Heh. I replied this time. *grin* Take your time though), Aznsilhouette247 (eh! Writing has nothing to do with age! Have confidence!), tuulikki (eh, don't worry about synonyms. I'll melt anyway), introspective-mortal (:p thanks for the message), x20Deepx (here's your continuation), Dani (Heehee… sorry to burst your bubble, but the story isn't at all finish. I basically just write one chapter a week, sorta like poor Takahashi-san. I feel for him now), Sam Baku (:p I look forward to your story), Sharem (arigatou na), Dreaming Dragon (*whimpers at the rotten vegetables streaming down her face), and Katana (yay! You like Erika! *GLOMP* And yes, every Sunday. :P)

~ Pint-Sized Babysitter ~

"Haven't I seen you before?"

I blink at a young woman who is peering at me closely, and I can feel the usual flush running up my face. I hate to admit it, but I don't recognize her at all. And my memory isn't even that bad, but I just can't place her face right now.

"Um…"

"Bakura Ryou, right?"

My mind immediately starts to do flip flops as it tries desperately to figure out where I might have seen here before. Perhaps it was one of my classmates? I did do quite a bit of transferring after otousan got me the Sennen Ring (and my own personal psychopath, but I'm really quite sure that he didn't mean it), and sometimes I didn't stay at the places long enough to learn everyone's faces.

But that doesn't explain why they would remember me.

_Ku… come on, yadonushi. How many guys look so disgustingly effeminate like you?_

I would have scowled but then Yami Bakura would just do something… embarrassing, at the very least. And since I don't want my reputation to be completely in shambles, I decide to ignore his statement as I continue to blink at the girl uncomprehendingly, "Um…"

This is _so_ embarrassing. I want to duck my head under the table right now, like an ostrich ducking his head under the sand. Kind of the 'if I can't see her, maybe she can't see' mentality, I suppose. Although I know by now that it rarely works out that cleanly… which kind of sucks but that's life.

Life. Depressing, annoying, erratic, ironic, and often times cruel. And maybe it's egotistical to think that there's a malicious imp dictating every embarrassing event that happens to me, but I really can't help but think that.

"Maybe you don't remember," she looks slightly disappointed but there's this sparkle in her eyes and… oh Kami-sama. I recognize _that_.

It's the dreaded shounen-ai fangirl sparkle.

_Why_ is this happening to me?!

"Anyhow!" she smiles happily, "I'm the one who gave you the rose after the play!"

Oh dear god… I can't believe this. I remember that _very_ well… Seto had taken me to see this play, and afterwards the doormen were passing out flowers to commemorate the event.

And if I remember correctly, which I'm pretty sure that I do, she actually gave me a carnation. And… much to my embarrassment, I am very much allergic to carnations. This has always been a point that Seto teased me about during our actual romance, but it's not exactly something I could help having, can I?

But anyway, what happened was that I immediately started tearing up after she stuck the carnation right under my face. Then Seto, who had previously been enduring a screaming lecture from Jyounouchi-kun about trying to assassinate his supposed koi with a bouquet of pink carnations, took the carnation from her, stuck it back in her basket, and took a rose out to give to me. Which I still have, by the way. I dried the rose and managed to get it to American in one piece… don't ask how I did it, just accept it as a fact. Especially since I didn't know if it would end up in one piece there. I was so afraid of it crumbling into dust when I opened the tissue and realized that it had been crushed by one of my other souvenirs that I dragged to America. In a way, I didn't know what to think about that rose. It was my first gift from Seto, although it wasn't much, and it always brings such odd feelings to me that I want to smile and cry at the same time.

Speaking of crying, _she_ looked ready to cry after Seto rejected her carnation.

"Um…" I stutter again, not knowing how to reply to that. I mean, how does one reply to these types of things? Honestly, there should be some type of guide book for these types of situations! But I just don't know what to say right now… should I agree pleasantly? Smile? Oh dear, this is not really a good situation.

Somebody clears their throat and we both turn around. My jaw practically drops to the ground as I stare into Seto's sapphire blue eyes.

I so do not need to deal with these types of things right now.

"Otogi said I might be able to find you here. I wasn't sure if I should believe him," Seto comments mildly as he sits down in the empty seat across from me. Then, before I can say anything, he turns to the girl, a frown on his face, "Do you have anything else to say or are you going to gape all day?"

Her eyes water and she immediately turns around and literally runs away. Again. I can't help but feel bad about that, even though it isn't my fault. It's not as if she was doing anything wrong. Although Seto _does_ have a tendency of being a bit snappish towards people I talk to, especially if he doesn't know who they are. Something that always annoyed me, to be truthful.

I sigh as I automatically say, "That wasn't very nice, Seto. She wasn't trying to do anything."

"Humph," he mutters, ignoring the point I was trying to make as he settles down. I want to ask him what on earth he thinks he's doing, but somehow manage to restrain myself. Yay, I have some semblance of self-control. That calls for a celebration, doesn't it?

Or a public execution.

Speaking of execution, I'm going to have to restrain myself from doing just that to Otogi-kun when I get home today. Since when does he have permission to give out my calendar to any person who asks?! _Especially_ if that person is Kaiba Seto?!

"I've never eaten here before. Is the food any good?" he asks as he stares at me before glancing at my untouched plate of food. My face is hot enough to fry an egg on it now…

"Um…"

He rolls his eyes as he uses the extra pair of chopsticks to pick up a piece and takes a bite. I'm frozen as he chews, his eyes thoughtful, "Hmm. Not that bad."

Seto eats the rest before reaching over to pick up a second piece. Before I know what's happening, it's in front of _my_ mouth and I'm just staring at him in a daze.

"Open."

I obey accordingly.

Currently, I feel like I'm having one of those out of body experiences as my body chews the food. It really is pretty good, although that isn't surprising. Otogi-kun is picky about food and he's the one who recommended this café to me. So its quality is nothing to be expected.

The feeding though… that wasn't expected.

"You busy later?"

I should stop this, honestly. If I had _any_ control over my body/mind/_MOUTH_ right now, I would clamp my teeth together and refuse to say another word until he leaves. I would shake my head and tell him to go away. I would… I would… I wouldn't even be here anymore! I don't want this, I don't!

Right?

Instead of saying no, or shaking my head, or walking away, or ignoring him… I find myself nodding. _Nodding_. My mind is screaming 'What are you _doing?!_', yet I'm still nodding. I feel as if Yami Bakura has taken over my body although he's letting me watch his actions.

_It's tempting._

Oh please no….

Seto smiles, one of those warm smiles that always made me melt. Still do, considering the fact that I feel like goo right now. He could just pick me up right now and I'll just slip out of his fingers forever without ever knowing what I truly want….

~ * ~

I'm nearly done when Seto asks for the bill, which immediately causes me to drop my chopsticks and stare at him in utmost horror as he gets ready to pay.

"What are you doing, Seto?"

He stares at me evenly, no emotion on his face as he casually takes out his wallet, "What does it look like I'm doing, Ryou?"

"But it was my meal!"

"So?"

That is most certainly the question of the day. I don't even know why I'm making a fuss out of this, but I just feel weird that he's going to pay for my food. Even if he ate it too, but still. I haven't had anybody pay for my meals for quite a long time, after all. I'm used to paying for everything on my own.

"You don't need to pay for it then," my explanation comes out high-pitched and shrill, and by the way my face is burning like a warning signal, I have a feeling that everybody is staring at us again. Or really me, more specifically.

"Why not?" there is amusement on his face, and I feel a bit of my temper rising. Am I really that amusing? Was I created or something like that for everyone's amusement? This is not funny, and I can't help but start to lose my already tentative self-control over my emotions, which are just screaming to be let out.

"Because I can!" I snap, feeling somewhat exasperated. Why is he acting like this? What is the point? I already told him that our chances of having a relationship are zero to none, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message. Or is this his odd way of asking for forgiveness?

Heh. If there is one thing I've learned about Seto, it's that he rarely ever asks for forgiveness. And if he is put into the scenario where he needs somebody's forgiveness, he'd rather directly ask for it then do this current round-about approach that is annoying me so much!

"You can?" he sounds slightly skeptical as he places the money on the saucer that the waiter gave us along with the bill, "How? I don't think your books have been making _that_ much money."

I feel like I'm about ten seconds away from seeing red. Before I know what I'm doing, I take the money and practically fling it at his face, glaring angrily, "At least I'm doing something I love!"

With that, I pull out the right amount, slam it into the saucer (nearly breaking it in the process), and stalk out of the café with everyone's eyes on me.

This has always been a sore point between Seto and I… our futures. While Seto was already running KaibaCorp and had been since high school, I was having my dreams of saving the whales or something. Although Seto had given me his reluctant support for my chosen career, he had always thought it was somewhat… silly. And he never took the effort to make me think otherwise because that was his stand and even though he loved me, he wasn't going to change it. He'd always be pointing out to me how little environment majors make, and how I would probably end up with nothing if I stuck with it.

I, on the other hand, could never figure out why he stuck with KaibaCorp. He never seemed to _enjoy_ it… I know he liked inventing new systems, especially for M&W, but he never seemed to enjoy everything else that came with running KaibaCorp. Like the running it part. I think Mokuba's kidnapping might also have been a bit of a turning point for him as well… anything that threatened his brother was not a chosen career. We'd get into arguments about money versus enjoying what we did, and there was more than once where one of us ended up sleeping on the couch (usually him).

But at least in the mornings, he would always be back….

I always woke up to his face, without fail. Even when he had to leave early for meetings, I'd still wake up to catch him. It's not that I'm a light sleeper… it's just… oh, I don't know. I just seem to know when he's going to wake up so I like to get up at the same time. Call it an internal alarm clock, if you like, because I frankly don't give a damn what it's called. It doesn't do me any good now, anyway.

I'm not bitter. Oh dear god, I am _not_ bitter!

Shut up. Just… shut up.

I'm talking to myself. My day cannot get any worse unless….

"Ryou!"

I think the rating just dropped past zero.

I'm a grand ten centimeters shorter than him, and for some reason all of those ten centimeters must have gone into his legs because even though I'm walking as fast as I can without looking suspicious, he reaches me in approximately thirty seconds or less. This is something that does not bode well with me, but it's not like telling him will change anything.

Before I can even decide whether or not I want to run, Seto is standing right next to me, his hand gripping my shoulder tightly. Which, more or less, puts a dent in my escape plans.

If I was even going to.

Even… even though I've told him and myself that I'm not ready to pursue a relationship with him again, I'm not quite sure how much I believe it myself….

"You forgot your change."

I just stare, "Huh?"

"Your change." Before I can say anything, he presses some money into my hand and I can feel my face burning again. What… what _is _it about Seto that brings about such reactions from me? We were together for about four years and I could never figure it out.

"Oh… um…" I bite my lip as I look up at him, "Arigatou, Seto."

"You're welcome," he replies calmly, but he has yet to detach his hand from my shoulder. I'm starting to sweat nervously… the expression on his face reminds me of an interrogator. I've never had much resistance to Seto's 'charms' (as we jokingly used to call them), but this one especially seems to be effective against my already paper-thin armor.

"You know…" he starts casually, trying and _succeeding_ in looking very nonchalant, "I have one of your books."

Silence. I can only stare at him as if he is going to grow flowers in his hair suddenly. And what am I supposed to say anyway? Thank you? Do you want me to sign it so maybe if I die a horribly embarrassing death, as all my friends seem to think I am going to, you can sell it and get even richer? By approximately a thousand yen? [1] If even that much?

The look on his face doesn't last long, and the ice quickly cracks as a warm smile slowly spreads across his face, "Well, actually I have all of them."

"You do?" I stare… but… what he was just saying about… what on earth is going on here?

"Yeah. You must be proud."

"I am." Did that just sound egotistical? Oh Kami-sama….

"I am too."

I stare, and I can't help as the next words fall out of my mouth, "That's not what you said before."

You know the concept of 'shutting up while you're still ahead'? Well, now I know for a fact that I do not understand that concept and my mouth keeps moving on its accord. I want nothing more than to grab some duct tape and shut myself up before I say anything else, "You were just saying that I couldn't make much money by doing what I want to do."

"Yes. And I still wonder about that," Seto smirks before adding. "But that doesn't mean that I'm not proud of you. You said it yourself, after all… well, you screamed it really."

I want to slap him.

"At least you're doing something that you love," he smiles triumphantly, although I honestly don't know what there is to be triumphant about.

"Unlike you."

He glares at me, his expression dark, "Can't we drop that, Ryou?"

Heh… oh, I know how much he hates this conversation. But there's a sadistic side of me that wants to make him suffer the way he has made me suffer in the past couple minutes.

"No. Especially since you're still not listening to me about it," I reply automatically, "You and I both know that you don't enjoy management as much as simply inventing. And you're good at it too. You don't need to support Mokuba anymore, you don't need to continue this… yet you do. Why is that, Seto? Why haven't you learned to move on? Why haven't you…"

"You haven't either," he suddenly interrupts before I can finish. "Tell me then. Why are you running away from me now? You haven't been able to face me unless the make inu was there to watch over you."

My mind is frozen.

He still hasn't let go of my shoulder, but there's no need to really. I won't be going anywhere right now.

Finally, in a pathetic, defeated whisper, "I'm not running away."

Oh, that was great. Just great. I'm such a bad liar… now, if ever, I really wish that Yami Bakura could just take over my body and get me out of here. Perhaps if I beg? Grovel? Worship him like a god? He might like that, although I can't know for certain. He has the tendency to be totally unpredictable anyway.

_Ku. This is _your_ problem, yadonushi. Don't try to dump it on me_.

Can he hear every single one of my thoughts?!

_What do you think?_

Seto is the one who ends up saving me from my embarrassment (kinda), "Not running? So what were you doing on Monday? _Walking_ away?"

"No!" If I sounded any more panicked, you would think that aliens were attacking the earth and looking for science experiment subjects. Specifically me.

"Then prove it," Seto currently has a perfectly twisted grin on his face, "I'm going to go see Mokuba today. Why don't you come along."

It's not a question.

_But tell me Ryou, if you can. Why did you come back?_

"I…"

"What? Otogi already told me that you don't have any plans for today. So what's stopping you?"

_Why are you running away from me now?_

Does he really need an answer to that? Is there really some answer to that question that he can't answer on his own by looking within?

"Nothing," I find myself saying. I want to scream even as I force the words out, "Nothing is stopping me. I'll… I'll go with you."

Go with him. Go with _him_?!

Okay, calm down. It's okay… just going with him to see Mokuba isn't saying anything, right? It's not binding myself to anything at all. I'm just… I miss Mokuba! I wouldn't mind seeing him, even if it's with Seto.

People say that lying is easy. So why can't I ever believe my own lies?

~ * ~

The car is waiting around the corner, and I see that Seto has gotten a different driver. Which I suppose isn't very surprising, considering all the trauma we put the first one through in less than a week. I always knew that Seto wasn't an easy person to work with, but it would seem that we would go through a driver every three months… and Seto always seemed to delight in tormenting them more than necessary.

Like all the other ones, the new driver doesn't flinch as he sees us, but I can see the surprise in his eyes. I doubt if he knows who I am, but Seto doesn't look like he cares.

Not to imply that he ever did.

The car itself has not changed, although it is a newer model. Personally, I don't see how these models change in the first place. They all seem the same to me. They all _look_ the same. Once my friend tried to point out a car to me and said something along the lines of 'look at that…' I don't even remember the name of the car! All I remember doing is staring blankly at her and she sighed as we most likely passed the car she was pointing out to me. I still can't tell cars apart. You want me to tell the difference between one car and the other? If it's size and color, sure I can do it. If it's dealer or maker, you'll be better off asking a cow to dance.

We manage to avoid any embarrassing scenes in the process of getting into the car, which isn't always the case because it used to be that Seto would get mobbed. Which I found very unfair… I mean… he's gay. He doesn't need fangirls, right?

Okay, so I'm losing it. And maybe he's not gay… he did marry Mami-san after all. Maybe he's bisexual? I mean, I seem to remember him going out with girls before we got together, right? So it couldn't be that he's gay.

Right?

My thoughts have gone here, there, and everywhere when I notice that Seto's hand is resting on mine. He himself is looking out the window, watching as the scenery whizzes by. I'm half surprised to see that he's not busy doing some work, as he always seems to be engrossed in doing. He always tried to put it away for me, but that doesn't mean he always managed it. I don't remember how many nights where our outings got canceled because he had to work and I ended up tucking him in to bed. Or at the very least falling asleep on the couch waiting for him to get home. In which case, I always woke up to find myself dressed in pajamas and sleeping in the bed with his arm around me.

But… right now, my face is bright pink and my mind seems to be malfunctioning.

His hand… is on mine?

That can't be right, can it?

As gently as I can, my face looking out the window where I try to concentrate on the scenery, I cautiously move my hand away and place it in my lap, where it will be safe.

I can see by the reflection in the mirror that he looks somewhat shocked, his blue eyes… sad. But I try to ignore it even as something twinges in me… and I feel bad for hurting him.

It doesn't matter that he hurt me first. That has nothing to do with my decision. I just don't want him getting too close right now…. I'm afraid that is what he's trying to do right now. And for the life of me, I don't know why he's trying to do it. I think he made it straight-forward enough that morning that it was over and he wasn't going to look back. That he was going to move on with his life.

So why is it that when I'm finally starting to move on with _my_ life, he has to start looking back? Why can't he just look the other way, at the future?

I've been looking forward and he's been looking backward. And now we're finally looking at each other again, but rather than being the wonderful feeling I once wished for so deeply, it's awkward and strange. As if it never should have happened….

~ * ~

"Niisama!"

Even though Mokuba has grown (although not nearly as tall as his brother… but then again, few people are) and his wild black hair is somewhat tamed, he rushes out of the door like a bullet towards Seto. You would think that they haven't seen each other for several years… although considering how busy Seto is, it's possible. But I doubt that. Those two would never let something as petty as work get between them. They're much too close to let that happen.

Behind Mokuba is a pretty woman who has hair that is just as black as his. She's also smiling, and she waves at us enthusiastically. Although I can see a bit of curiosity in her eyes as she looks at me.

"Ba… Bakura!" Mokuba's voice is very surprised as he looks over at me, then back at Seto, then back at me, "I thought you were in America! What are you doing here? And with niisama?!"

I smile weakly, "I was. But Jyounouchi-kun persuaded me to visit."

"Ah…" Mokuba quickly loses the surprise and gets a sneaky look that I honestly don't appreciate as he glances over me and then Seto again. Seto raises an eyebrow as Mokuba starts to look very, very sadistic, "Well, it's about time you came back. Right, niisama?"

He chirps the last part, sounding so much like his elementary school version. Wide-eyed and innocent, but I'm happy to report that neither Seto nor I fell for his act.

"Whatever, Mokuba," Seto ruffles Mokuba's hair.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"You _know_ I hate that," Mokuba whines as he starts walking towards the house. Seto just smirks and ruffles his hair again, and both Mokuba's wife and I roll our eyes as we follow them into the house, the two of them arguing very loudly about maturity and the such.

Reminds me of my brother and I….

"Gomen, but you're… Bakura, right?" Mokuba's wife smiles, "I'm Aoko. Mokuba talks about you sometimes."

I blink, completely forgetting my manners as I process that extremely surprising piece of information, "He does?"

"Ee," Aoko-chan smiles, "He missed you."

I, for one, cannot figure out why that is. We got to know each other very well when Seto and I visited Domino and stayed at the mansion, but never anything that could warrant him actually missing me.

I can't help but sigh as I think about that new piece of information. I'll give this to Mokuba… he's just as confusing as his older brother is. And it's not something I can say that I appreciate, although I suppose that neither of them care much for what I have to say on the matter.

~ * ~

"So…" Mokuba has a sadistic smile on his face that shocks me. I know that Yuugi-tachi have told me that Mokuba hasn't always been the most perfect angel… or even a model citizen, especially with that whole kidnapping with a gun/knife/electric shocker/etc incident [2], but this is a level of evil-ness (?) that I find unsurpassable.

Even by Otogi-kun when he asked me how good Seto was in the bed. Which didn't turn out too well because Jyounouchi-kun was in hearing range and he didn't quite figure out that Otogi-kun was kidding (at least, he better have been kidding) until Honda-kun had him in a headlock and was threatening to throw him out the window.

Not a fun situation. Even worse when Seto walked in to hear Jyounouchi-kun ranting about Otogi-kun's question, which led to a highly embarrassing scene where everyone got into a bit of trouble. Yami-kun finally had to throw a bucket of water over all five of us, and even then it was a close call.

"How long has this been going on?"

I choke, Aoko-chan jabs an elbow into Mokuba's stomach… and Seto continues to sip his tea calmly, as if he hadn't heard anything out of the ordinary. "What do you mean by that, Mokuba?"

"This!" Mokuba gestures at the two of us as if that really explains it all. I try not to die an embarrassing death, Aoko-chan keeps trying to send Mokuba mental messages, and Seto continues to act like nothing wrong is happening. I know he can be a bit… blind when it comes to his brother, but this is just plain ridiculous.

"This?"

"You and Bakura!"

I blush as I try to explain to him, "There's… there's nothing going on between the two of us, Mokuba. Seto simply saw me and invited me to come see you."

Well, blackmail sounds more accurate, as I'm still in awe of the fact that I agreed to willingly submit myself to this torture, but that explanation sounds very nice too. Except Mokuba is highly intelligent and happens to know his brother very well, so he ignores my desperate explanation and continues to grill Seto.

"Well?"

Seto laughs somewhat derisively, something that Mokuba doesn't seem to mind too much… all things considered, "I don't need a pint-sized babysitter monitoring my every move, Mokuba."

Aoko-chan and I can't help but sweatdrop at that statement. But Mokuba just keeps going without missing a beat, as if _he_ didn't hear the last statement. I have a feeling that Aoko-chan and I are having the same feeling of watching an argument that we know better than to get ourselves into.

"Well, somebody _has_ to do it. You should have at least consulted me before you married that bi…"

"Mokuba!" Aoko-chan glares. Mokuba looks slightly cowed by her glare, and she gives me a victory smile which I return. She really knows how to keep Mokuba in line, apparently, but she's now acting more like a referee for the argument. Which is just starting to heat up, from what I know of the two.

"She had a name, Mokuba," Seto replies calmly.

"Humph. I still think you would have been better off with Bakura."

I turn pink.

"That's enough, Mokuba."

Now Mokuba is pleased. He's finally gotten under his brother's skin and Seto is not very happy about it. So as any annoying younger brother (or in my case, _older_ brother) would do, he proceeds to quickly ignore Seto's warning growl and continue screwing around with his mind (to be less than eloquent).

"I really do think you were the best, Bakura," Mokuba smiles sweetly. Seto looks ready to explode, and I just smile weakly as I start searching for the exit. This is most definitely something I did not want to deal with, and now I'm ready to strangle Seto for bringing me into this situation. What ever happened to Mokuba anyway? He was never _this_ cruel….

"No, really. He was always happy when he was with you. So you have my approval."

"Since when did I ever need your approval?" Seto growls. Although now it sounds like it might actually be real, rather than just merely playful.

"If he's going to be my brother-in-law, I think I have a right to choose this time."

"Mokuba!" we all scream.

"Kidding," he grins into his tea cup.

Silence. You can tell from our expressions (excluding Mokuba, of course, who is just sitting there looking very smug) that we're all very appreciative of the silence, but then Mokuba has to start talking again.

"I do have some rules though, if you plan on sleeping together. You remember those, don't you Bakura? I told them to you last time but you might have forgot—"

Mokuba is abruptly cut off as Seto calmly gets up to strangle him and I start banging my head against the table. I honestly can't believe this. I just can't. I guess I always knew that Mokuba liked me better than the other girls who Seto got together with, but he's never made it this _obvious_ before. It's as if he's trying to play matchmaker for us, even though that's really the last thing either of us need.

I bite my lip as I try to sort through my thoughts. Why is it that once again, everyone I know seems to be thinking something that I find impossible? Or maybe that it is impossible, but I don't want it.

Do I?

Translations and Notes:

[1] One thousand yen is about… *thinks* ten dollars, I think? Well, to put it simply, one hundred yen is about one dollar… (Don't know about current rates and all that, but let's keep this _simple_… ^.~)

[2] Reference to volume 3. Mokuba and his scary little cronies basically used weapons to kidnap Yuugi and force him to play a game of Cap Monsters, which was Mokuba's specialty game (kinda like how Yami no Yuugi, Kaiba, and Jyounouchi specialize in M&W, Ryuuji in DDD, and Ryou in Monster World). Needless to say, Mokuba lost. And he was scary in his introduction too! *shivers*

PM: Yeah… this is what you spent three weeks waiting for. *sweatdrops* Sorry… I had to change some parts so I don't know how it turned out. -.-;;

Ryou: Pessimist.

PM: O_O Look who's talking… Anyhow, sorry this chapter took so long to get up, but I have been busy. I've been trying to write some one-shots that have perked my interest, and school was just really busy that last week. I managed to write this chapter over spring break though! :) Took me several tries to write certain scenes though… *growls and spits at certain scenes*

Ryuuji: PM go insane again?

Ryou: --;; How'd you ever guess?

Pikachumaniac


	6. Dancing Around Destiny

Disclaimer: This little piggy went to the lawyer….

Look the Other Way

PM: *tries to send subliminal messages to all her readers* You will go watch Spirited Away. You will go watch "Spirited Away" as soon as you finish reading this chapter. You will watch it. You _will_.

Ryou: How about something pertinent to the chapter?

PM *keeps trying to send her message to the audience*: You are getting veryyyyyy sleepy. You wish to get away and watch Spirited Away. Yesssssssss.

Yami *knocks PM out*

Ryuuji: *snicker* Chapter takes place on Wednesday night. And maybe PM will come out to talk to you… if she's still alive by the end of the chapter.

PM *unconscious and STILL trying to spread the word… You willllll watch Spirited Away*

Anyhow, the usual thanks to rayemars-san for her editing :P, and to the reviewers! Sorry I don't have time for notes, but I'm in a rush, so I'll see you all next time! :)

~ Dancing Around Destiny ~

Lesson number thirty-eight when living with a certain black-haired nosy game inventor: getting flowers is a pleasant experience, but as soon as you get them… hide them. Hide them or prowling eyes will see them. And if prowling eyes see them, then you'll never get the end of it.

You would think that I was used to it after living in a small, cramped dorm room with a very suspicious Jyounouchi-kun, but I have come to discover that Otogi-kun and Jyounouchi-kun are very annoying in their own, special ways. And I hate them both very much for that.

"You got flowers," Otogi-kun announces in a sing-song voice as I enter the apartment after a deafeningly silent car trip back from Mokuba's home. Seto hadn't even been speaking on his cell phone, which was still a pretty common situation even when we were together. But maybe he's loosened up because of Meimi?

I just stare at him, blinking once or twice as I wonder if one of us have recently been taking hallucination-causing drugs and the effects are finally starting to catch up to us.

"I think they're from Kaiba," he continues brightly as he hands me a vase of long-stemmed roses. I just continue to stare at them as Otogi-kun mock-pouts, "Hiroto never gets _me_ flowers."

"I heard that," Honda-kun calls from the living room, "And that's not true. I got you an orchid once."

"Only after Shizuka-chan rejected it."

"So?"

Otogi-kun sighs exaggeratedly, something that Honda-kun ignores. Half the time I can't help but wonder how the two manage to stay together, but as soon as the words run through my head, they go into another one of their displays of affection which always made us gag. It's not disgusting, per say, but they really need to show some restraint.

I'm proven correct as I walk to my room, still holding the vase way out before me as if the petals are being inhabited by poisonous insects. Kinda like the ones that Mai-san got trapped with after Yami no Malik's batsu no game [1]. I wouldn't be surprised… after all, how could it be possible that Seto was the one who sent me these flowers? He was with me for a vast majority of the day.

However, all these thoughts drop out of my head as Honda-kun snags Otogi-kun's wrist and proceeds to drag him into their bedroom. I never knew Honda-kun to be so… err… frisky?

Oh Kami-sama, where _did_ that word come from?

I quickly shut the door to my room and strap on a pair of headphones before anything can happen. Not before, of course, setting down the vase on the desk. They're red, and each rose is as perfect as the last. They must have cost him a lot… if it was even him. I have a suspicion that it might be Otogi-kun or oniisan or _somebody_ playing a prank on me. Because that's what it usually turns out to be. My friends in America always found it weird that I was still single, and they did everything from setting up blind dates to not-so-subtle hinted introductions to fake love letters. Which I always found out about because they weren't very good at keeping secrets, and the news would reach me sooner or later through the illustrious grapevine.

I never told them about Seto.

I didn't mean to do that… it's just that I didn't really want to think about him then. I had left Japan to establish a completely new life, and I didn't want anything holding me back.

But I don't think I succeeded. There's no way I could have, especially if I remained single. But there just wasn't anybody who could replace him… somebody who had the same odd quirks which made him so unique and… darling. Yes, darling. Singing anime theme songs, reading shoujo manga, watching Disney movies… who else? Well, there are probably lots of people who do that, but they're not Seto. They're not him. And I wanted _him_.

And I still do, but my mind is pulling me in a different direction.

Let's suppose, for one insane moment, that the roses really are from him. But what is he trying to say? He already apologized and I already rejected him. Why is he still trying to reach something that he has no chance of attaining? Or does he just know me better than I know myself?

Possibly. It's been my experience that none of us know who we are very well. We think we do but then we keep acting in ways that surprise only ourselves. It's a very annoying thing, if you ask me, but it's happened so often to me and the people I know that I don't really think about it these days.

But… those were usually small things. This is bigger. Much bigger. This can determine my future.

I sigh and have the strange desire to start hitting my head against the wall. But I know better than to do that. There was this girl in one of my classes who would do that when she got frustrated, and her head started bleeding. Not a very fun scenario, let me tell you that, but I learned not to hit my head on hard objects. Pillows and blankets, sure, but not hard objects. I already have very few brain cells, and there's no need to go off killing anymore than I need to.

I honestly, honestly don't understand myself and how my mind works.

Another sigh escapes my lips as I finally tear my eyes away from the roses, which stand there so innocently against a backdrop of the setting sun. Domino looks beautiful right now, all things considered… but still, why did I have to return? Why did I have to come back to face the things I didn't want to face anymore? There's only so much I can blame on oniisan and Jyounouchi-kun… in the long run, the blame ultimately falls to me. And even though I might try to ignore that fact, and I've done it many times, I am still the culprit that I'm searching for.

America is, supposedly, the land of opportunities. Of new beginnings, I suppose. Most of that is confined to the past and sometimes not even then, as we have many thousands of stories of America being anything but the golden world which had been so casually promised. But it was a new start for me, and I was able to establish myself there… with quite a bit of trouble, granted. I did what I always wanted to do though… wrote books describing the plight of the environment and in doing so, make enough money for a decent lifestyle.

I made new friends, some of which I have become very close to. Sure, it wasn't Yuugi-tachi, but nobody could be Yuugi-tachi. But the same applies the other way around. It's difficult to be somebody you're not. It's not impossible, certainly, but there's only so far you can live a lie before your nerves start to fray.

Could it be that I was starting to unravel? That this trip was not only opportune, but necessary to my mental state?

My mental state? Kat, who really isn't one to talk if I do say so myself, once told me that I should leave my brain to medical studies because they would have a field day trying to figure out what goes on in there. The way she said it, you would have thought that my brain was… multi-colored or something. Maybe interchanging maroon and hot green stripes, completed with sewage colored polka dots.

Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if it _was_.

~ * ~

A little while later, much to my complete amazement, I am sitting on the train on the way to a… karaoke bar. Currently, I am wedged between Honda-kun and the barrier. The subway is disgustingly crowded, and I'm finding it difficult to breath. In a few moments, I think I'll be finding myself claustrophobic.

This event is random and very much unexpected. I had been sitting on my bed, engrossed in a book, when suddenly Otogi-kun _bounces_ in. When he saw me sitting there, his expression immediately became annoyed, "What are you still doing in bed?"

I stared before venturing nervously, "Reading?"

Apparently, this had not been the answer Otogi-kun was expecting, "Reading?! We need to go right now or we'll be late in meeting the others!"

My heart practically leapt out of my chest at that startling announcement, "What?!"

"The others. Remember?"

"NO!" I screamed.

Otogi-kun looks startled for a moment, "I didn't tell you? We're meeting the others at that karaoke bar close to the station in half an hour."

"_What?!_"

"Oh. I guess I didn't tell you."

My eyes nearly rolled up into the back of my head, but unfortunately I didn't faint like I was hoping to. It happens to be that I remembered that karaoke bar very well. Not only did Jyounouchi-kun nearly _kill_ us from his singing (luckily for us, Mai-san was screaming at him so loudly that it almost drowned out his attempts), but I had a nosebleed when watching Seto sing a romantic song by Utada Hikaru [2]. Which, of course, led to teasing and scolding from Jyounouchi-kun, which nearly led to him getting pummeled into the ground. And meanwhile, I'm bleeding excessively into a tissue as Anzu and Yuugi-kun ran around trying to find something else I could bleed into. What ended up happening was Seto donating his shirt, which resulted in giving one of the girls a nosebleed as we left. [3]

He did _not_ just say that we were going there.

But alas, it was not to be. Before I could squeak, Otogi-kun and Honda-kun took advantage of my momentary loss of thought by hauling me up and dragging me out of the apartment. And it wasn't until I found myself sitting here that I fully regained motor abilities. And of course, it's too late for me to escape now.

I want to get on my knees and scream one word.

_Help!_

~ * ~

"It's about time you guys made it," Jyounouchi-kun grumbles as we enter. All three of us can't help but roll our eyes… it's only two minutes past the designated time. There's really no reason to make a big deal out of it.

"It doesn't matter now, Jyounouchi-kun. Let's go get a room," Yuugi-kun suggests brightly. Anzu and Mai-san nod their agreement, and next to them, Seto just….

What is he doing here?!

I'm frozen as Jyounouchi-kun and Mai-san lead the others towards the room. The others minus Seto, of course.

"Hey," Seto smiles as he stands up and walks over.

"Hey," I squeak back in the most pathetic of voices. He is still smiling as he offers his hand.

For now, I can only stare at it. If there's one thing that both annoys and impresses me about Seto, it's that he has this amazing ability to ignore everything that could possibly be detrimental to his goals. Such as rejection, apparently.

A moment passes, but the hand is still there. He doesn't say anything, just continues to wait patiently. I realize now that it's my turn to make the move, and that I can't spend the rest of my life waiting for things to happen to me. It would be nice if that is the case, but… sometimes we just have to do things for ourselves.

I don't fully realize what I'm doing until I feel his hand clasp itself around mind. And for a moment, it's almost like we're back to a happier time where such doubts about our relationship didn't exist.

His smile broadens, and I can't help but smile slightly myself. It takes all my self-control not to just throw my arms around and embrace him, but I know I won't. That's just pushing it too far. After all, in less than two weeks… I'm going to be back on the plane and heading home. And maybe then I can pretend that this isn't happening.

I don't even know why I'm doing this right now. I should stop it before it goes too far….

"You guys coming?!" Jyounouchi-kun's voice interrupts. We both blink. Seto rolls his eyes and we walk towards the room, hand-in-hand.

In the back of my mind, the little voice is still screaming that this is wrong and shouldn't be happening. And the only thing I can say is that I'm very grateful that I'm able to ignore the little screeching voice, even though deep down I know that sooner or later, it's going to come back and bite me in a most unpleasant place.

Luckily for me, I proceed to ignore the little voice and walk over to the room, which Jyounouchi-kun reserved for us. It still amazes me that Jyounouchi-kun can be this organized, which I suppose says very little about my faith in him.

However, as soon as I walk into the room, I label Jyounouchi-kun demonic and insane.

The room is furnished with the usual things you find in karaoke bars, like comfortable couches, a karaoke machine (of course), some tables… and a DDR machine.

Oh no….

Anzu's eyes brighten as she sees the DDR machine. She is unable to dance right now with her load, but she never had any problem with making the rest of _us_ dance. She even managed to get Yami-kun onto the stage once, a very interesting event. His face was bright red and it was apparent to us all that he wished he could be trapped in a room with Yami Bakura and Yami no Malik rather than being where he was.

And speaking of Yami Bakura, Anzu never managed to get him to try out DDR. Not that she ever _tried_, mind you. Anzu is much smarter than that, and she happens to value her life highly.

But DDR… short for Dance Dance Revolution… is one of the banes of my existence. I do not know what cruel person came up with the idea, but it is evil and should be destroyed. None of my experiences with DDR are good. They usually end with me falling and making a complete prat out of myself, or at the very least me doing _something_ embarrassing. I nearly sprained an ankle on one of those devious contraptions. Like it or not, those machines are _dangerous_ and I wouldn't mind avoiding them for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, DDR is not as accommodating as I wish it was because it keeps showing up everywhere! I swear, it follows me! The local movie theater back at home had a DDR machine, and my friends would not listen to my protests that I am uncoordinated. They wouldn't believe me until they saw for themselves. I don't know how I managed to do it, but I nearly burnt down the movie theater with my missteps.

Honda-kun also sighs as he looks at the DDR machine with apprehension. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I am not the only one who is capable of causing property damage when on one of those machines. If I am dangerous with those machines, Honda-kun is practically lethal. I honestly don't know how it works, but somehow we come close to an apocalypse when he's trying to do DDR.

Worst of all, Anzu always seems to forget these little facts when she forces us to dance.

"I'm not going up there," Honda-kun mutters as he flops down on the couch. Otogi-kun smirks deviously before sitting in his lap.

"And how long do you think that promise will last?"

~ * ~

It took approximately thirty minutes for Otogi-kun to be proven correct. Mainly because it took two minutes for everyone to settle down (our seating arrangement was two people on each side of the table, which resulted in Seto and I sitting next to each other), one minute to get the menu, twenty minutes to argue over food orders, two minutes to order, three minutes to set up the machines, and two minutes for the combined forces of Anzu and Otogi-kun to get Honda-kun up on the DDR machine.

So now Honda-kun is tripping and falling as Yuugi-kun calmly obeys each command with an ease that we are all jealous of. I suppose that he picked it up from living with Anzu for as long as he did, or maybe she's been training him for these moments. Since it's one of the simpler levels, Yuugi-kun is having an easy time.

As for me, I keep glancing at the clock which is moving at snail's pace. I'm silently begging for the food to come because at least we wouldn't have to play with that blasted machine anymore. Singing I can live with, even though I'm convinced my voice can break glass. Besides, Seto used to accompany me on duets so I wouldn't be too embarrassed.

Seto….

My face turns pink, and I pray that nobody notices it. Which there's a pretty good chance of, since everybody is busy cheering Yuugi-kun and half-heartedly encouraging Honda-kun not to give up.

Everybody, of course, except Seto.

"Are you okay?"

I get that urge to hit my head against the wall again. Why me, why me, why _me?!_

"Of course," I lie in a very unconvincing way.

Seto raises an eyebrow, "Why do I doubt you?"

My expression darkens as I whisper, "You of all people should know the answer to that."

There is silence before he grabs my hands, pulling close to me, "Listen, Ryou. I know what I'm asking for is a lot, but couldn't we just try…"

"Seto, this really isn't the place to be talking about…"

"Damn it, why won't you just…"

"Don't you dare lecture me about…"

I'm abruptly cut off when somebody who most obviously wants an extremely painful death puts a hand on my shoulder. From the look on Seto's face, you can tell that the other hand is probably on his shoulder. And considering the disgust and utmost loathing on his face, I know who's hand it is.

"Done talking?" Jyounouchi-kun asks pleasantly.

"No," Seto snarls, jerking away from Jyounouchi-kun's hands. Jyounouchi-kun doesn't look the least bit worried or annoyed; I have the feeling that he's very used to it by now.

"Oh well." There's a sadistic smile on Jyounouchi-kun's face that I honestly don't appreciate. "I suppose you'll just have to put it off for a while longer. It's your turn."

My stomach plummets as I fully realize the implications of his words. Seto doesn't look ill, he looks like a mad bull and I can't help but feel slightly sorry for Jyounouchi-kun.

"What are you waiting for?"

I definitely don't feel sorry for Jyounouchi-kun anymore. If anything, I feel a new sense of loathing for him that I never had before. But he deserves it, let me tell you that!

"You have got to be kidding me," Seto looks like he's starting to get a headache from Jyounouchi-kun's stupidity.

Jyounouchi-kun just grins. And inside my head, I start to scream.

~ * ~

"So which song?" Yuugi-kun asks as I am dragged up there.

"How about Paranoia?" Mai-san asks innocently. Jyounouchi-kun snickers, Seto glares, Yuugi-kun sweatdrops, and Anzu sighs. Otogi-kun is too busy pampering Honda-kun to take part in the action.

"How about something easier?" Yuugi-kun suggests as he picks a song which has a steady beat that sounds easy. But I know it isn't, even if it's the easiest song on the list.

I feel like crying as the characters on the screen get ready for pain and agony. I can't help but sneak a look at Seto, who is glaring at the scene as if he would be able to burn holes into it. I wish he would, but I suppose that that's asking for a bit too much. I've never seen him on one of these machines because he had a habit of coming to our little karaoke 'sessions' after the food had been served. Very wise of him, and now I wish I could have followed his example.

Well, I suppose it was impossible since I was with Honda-kun and Otogi-kun, but maybe I could have faked dire illness or run away. Neither of which would have gotten me out of this mess, but at least we might have missed the train and come late enough to just have to… sing.

"San, ni, ichi… iku yo! [4]" the others chant as I feel the sweat start to drip off my face in nervous anxiety. I keep waiting for my miracle to occur… after all, whoever is controlling the world's happenings owes me one.

As usual, I don't get my miracle. Instead, I find myself tripping along with the music, desperately trying to keep up and not fall on my butt. I have this urge to start whimpering unhappily when Seto suddenly places his hand on my shoulder.

"Daijoubu," he smiles slightly, "You're much too nervous. This isn't a matter of life and death, Ryou."

I must be pouting because his smile widens, "Honestly."

"Honestly what?" I can't help but hiss back. Oh dear Kami-sama, there has to be something wrong with me. Maybe I can just blame it on Yami Bakura?

_One more comment like that and you'll be dancing for the rest of the _night.

Eep. Definitely don't want to tempt the fates. Or really the spirits, in this case. Oh bother, my mind is such a mess right now! Somebody must have slipped some drugs into my drink, or maybe it's a slow-acting poison that will kill me in the middle of the song. Yes, I quite like the sound of that. No, I'm not being pessimistic.

"You're being too stiff."

I gape, "_I'm_ too stiff? I'm not the one who always sits as if I have a board strapped to my back!"

That probably wasn't very nice, but I'm feeling extremely edgy and being nice is not very high on my list of priorities. Surviving is, but Seto is distracting me too much to worry about making a fool of myself.

"Insults do nothing for you, Ryou. And physical appearance has nothing to do with what I was speaking of."

If I wasn't in the middle of some ridiculously complicated step, I would have reached over in an attempt to strangle him. Or at least I would have tried to, but I would have stopped midway. Although if I don't stop, I might actually be able to succeed considering how everyone thinks of me as cute and innocent and would never dream of me doing such things.

I hate my life sometimes.

_I do too._

"You're one to talk, Seto," I mutter darkly, "Who's the one always calling Jyounouchi-kun a 'make inu' or 'bonkotsu duelist' or 'zako' [5] or…"

"Ah, but you see I'm supposed to arrogant and insulting. You're not," Seto smirks. I stop, drowning out the music and everybody else.

"That's not true, Seto. The only reason why you think that is because you want to, but lies don't make it true. Besides, you weren't always that way. Mokuba talks a lot about you, and you can't say you were 'meant' to be that way because it's not true. Besides, why can't I be arrogant and insulting if I want to?"

"Because you're very bad at it."

"That's beyond the point!"

"Oh yeah? Why don't you try it then?"

"I can't just do it whenever I want to!"

"You see?" he grins as he leans over to pinch my cheek, causing me to flush angrily, "If you have to try it, then it's not natural. And if it's not natural, then you're not very good at it. Understand?"

"Urusei…" I mumble softly, turning my head back to the DDR machine's screen. I blink as I realize that we had already finished the dance, and I had somehow managed a passing C.

"Ha! Perfect timing!" we both whirl around to see that the waitress has come back with our food orders, and Jyounouchi-kun is smiling. He looks very pleased about something, although I don't know what that is. However, I have the suspicion that not only do I not want to know what is going on in that scary mind of his, but that sooner or later I'm going to be finding out whether or not I choose to know.

I decide to ignore that extremely disturbing thought and glance over to see that Seto has earned an A (typical), but then I get distracted by Seto's cocky grin.

"And Mokuba was telling me horror stories about you being as bad as Honda-kun," he grins as he takes me by the hand, leading me back to solid ground.

Funny that it feels like we're stepping away from our dreams, considering how much I detest that machine. But it's still like we're walking away from a place where we can just dance around all our problems, forgetting everyone around us and everything that has happened….

Translations and Notes:

[1] Batsu no game = punishment game. The scene refers to volume 26, after Yami no Malik's duel with Mai. In the anime, the bugs are replaced by sand.

[2] Utada Hikaru is a Japanese singer. Currently she has 3 albums out. If you can get your hands on it, you should listen to her third album "Deep River". It's gorgeous (I actually got it from our good-for-nothing library… O_o).

[3] If you don't understand the nose-bleeding thing, it's basically where you see something so _hot_ that you get a nosebleed.

[4] Three, two, one… (let's) go!

[5] Pathetic dog, mediocre duelist, small fish.

PM *yawns*: Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than usual. But I'm terribly tired. I would have tried to write another scene but our house is threatening to flood _again_ and so I was feeling a bit stressed Saturday night. Which meant no time to write. *yawns again*

Ryuuji: Off to bed with you, PM.

PM *griping unhappily*: Noooooooooo. I want to write that other fic….

Ryuuji: I'd rather you not.

PM *perks up*

Ryuuji *slaps forehead*: Oh Kami-sama… just go to bed, PM.

PM: Do I get a goodnight kiss?

Ryuuji *screams and runs out of Writer-verse*

PM: Oh phooey.

Pikachumaniac


	7. Setting Standards 1

Disclaimer: And the lawyers come running in…. from all directions.

Look the Other Way

PM: Hi, minna! Sorry I wasn't able to update last week, but I needed some time to get back on track. Still do, in fact APs are coming up, I just had an SAT II, and I was just having so many problems with the beginning of this chapter. I hope the Yami no Malik story was a bit of compensation for your wait… *smiles nervously* But I'm afraid that you're not going to be able to read the whole chapter. I decided to cut this chapter into two parts; one in Ryou's POV and one in Seto's POV. So that's why this chapter is a bit shorter than usual. Gomen. *bows head*

Ryuuji: *holding up a sign that reads 'Help! I'm being held hostage!'*

PM: *slap!*

Ryuuji: Itai! *quickly scribbles something on a different sign: 'Help! I'm being abused!'*

PM: *eyebrow twitches… starts chasing after him throughout writer universe*

Yami: This would be a perfect opportunity to mess everybody up right now. *sadistic grin*

Yami no Bakura: *wanders in, grabs Yami, slings him over a shoulder, and bounces out grinning sadistically*

Ryou: O_O Well… PM is busy strangling Otogi-kun, Yami Bakura is busy ravishing Yami-kun *insert squeaks of pain from a certain pharaoh spirit*, and… I don't want anybody to hurt me anymore than I already have been hurt. *sniffles sadly as he thinks of BakaKaiba* So this chapter takes place on Thursday, and as PM mentioned before, it's only one half of what was supposed to be written….

Ryuuji and Yami: *shrieking* _Help!!_

Thank you's:

The usual thanks to rayemars-san for beta-reading my story, and since I feel guilty for not replying to reviews last time, I'll be doing them individually rather than in a huge paragraph. ^_^ And I'm also replying to reviewers from the chapter 5, since I didn't have time to reply to them in chapter 6. Enjoy!

fani90 ~ Ryou: This is NOT funny! PM: Yes it is…

Angel-Belle ~ My house didn't flood, thank god… I don't think I could take another six months of construction work. -.-;;

Crystalline Maxwell ~ An evil hello kitty rubix-cube-knock-off? Well, if you give me more details, I'm sure I can work it in somehow… *cackles sadistically*

Neko-chan ~ Oy! KaibaBaka already has very few brain cells! No need to destroy anymore!

Mayhem's BrainChylde ~ Ryou: The only reason why I never get a good time is because of all you people out to ruin my life. PM: Whiny…

Wildwolf: Sorry I haven't been mailing you! I'll e-mail you back as soon as APs are over. ^^;; And poor Chibi-chan… *pats her on the head* You should start getting lessons on how to glare properly.

Shamanic Guardian Lena ~ DDR is the devil! I don't like it… *hides from DDR machine threatening to eat her*

No Name ~ Ryou: What sweet moment? PM: -.-;;;;;

tuulikki ~ Don't worry… I think it's a fan thing. I always like torturing my favorite characters… *CACKLE… cackle… cough choke*

TidBits ~ Kaiba: I am not an evil person. PM *cough*: LIAR!

Lena ~ ;-; And I missed your reviews… and Ryou wants that cookie. (Ryou: *puppy eyes*)

introspective-mortal ~ Spirited Away was terrific. Even my MOM liked it. O_O

Dani ~ I think DDR is this sadistic plot to make people suffer. I don't know, that's all I ever got out of it…

Erfaciel ~ *quickly gives you a bucket* Anyhow, the chapter on Easter wasn't really a big deal for me. ^^;;; I'm not exactly religious…

BakuraLvr ~ Haku: I'm allowed to be a river! And I was a cool river! But then they messed me up! *bursts into tears* (PM and YGO cast: O_O)

Yukoma ~ I'll try to be more gentle on Ryou… really! Ryou: LIAR! PM: -.-;;

Amiasha ~ I know about Princess Monoke, but I heard it's REALLY violent and I can't handle violence. 

Aznsilhouette247 ~ Ryou: I'm not a rat! PM *cough*

Usagi Tsuki ~ *pounces and hugs* Ficccccccccc?

Shikou Yamitsuki ~ Yeah… it feels awkward writing so far into the future, but I have to do it someday. ^_^

Dreaming Dragon ~ *resists urge to sing the matchmaker song*

eta inu ~ Demo means 'but', sorry if I forgot to translate that! :P And some very good writers don't translate… I should know. *glares at PAS* She doesn't even understand why I want to put translations in my stories! *growls and snaps at PAS, who just whacks PM on the head with a big mallet*

Shenya ~ Sorry about the delay… ^^;; I've just been so busy and kinda dead lately. There's quite a few other stories I want to write and I've been trying to write those while getting these chapters out at the same time… makes for a mighty headache. *moan and whimper*

KeMu ~ Tyrant Mokuba? *giggle*

Genkisaru ~ Seto and Ryou will get back together by the end of the story. Or at least, they should… *runs away from Seto*Ryou fans*

Chibizoo ~ So sorry about the link! ^_^;; I felt so stupid. But it's fixed! *grins*

Tsuki and Romanji ~ *smacks Romanji lightly* be nice to your friends!

Dark Eyed ~ *glomp* Miss you muchies…

Sushi ~ It's because… it's because PM made him stay asleep. And because if he woke up, then this story wouldn't exist…

AmunRa ~ *grins* Yes… the love of families and friends. Wasn't it Harding who said something about 'it's not my enemies… it's my goddamned friends?'

Dragon Wings ~ Would it scare you if I told you I was naturally hyper? *innocent look*

Aishiteru Tenshi ~ :P Spunk… hee! I don't know why but I just like that word…

Sam Baku ~ Maybe I'll take a month off? *innocent look*

~ Setting Standards ~

"Ohayou [1], Bakura-kun," Otogi-kun smiles (is it just me, or does his smile seem really forced today?) as I walk into the kitchen, also known as the converted office for Otogi-kun. It took me a while to figure out that the reason why Otogi-kun never seems to be working is because he works in the apartment, and he has been kind enough to work only when I'm gone. I can't help but feel guilty about taking away from his work time, forcing him to work at odd hours.

I suppose that Otogi-kun sees this because he raises an eyebrow as he turns back to his laptop and starts to type something up as he explains, "I have a proposal to write up. My assistant was kind enough to give it to me just last night, and it's due today."

I can only nod shakily as I sit down, trying to ignore the fact that Otogi-kun is staring at me with an intensity that I have always found disturbing. I really wish he wouldn't stare at me like that, but I'm always too shy to tell him that. Sometimes, I have a feeling that he already knows that. But I don't quite know what to do about it.

"You look like crap," Otogi-kun suddenly interrupts my thoughts. "Bad dreams?"

"Not bad… just weird," I grimace. Although 'weird' is probably a bit of an understatement, especially considering what happened in my dream.

Most of my dream has been forgotten by now, which is a pretty common occurrence. After all, most people don't remember their dreams, and I'm certainly no exception to this rule. But the only scene that I remember involves Yami Bakura, Yami-kun, and Yuki, of all people (and animals). And not only was there the weirdness of simply them being together without any bloodshed, but they were also _vampires_.

(I have a suspicion that the last thing came from Mai-san, who actually has a fascination for vampire stories.)

For some reason, the three of them (including Yuki, who had his own set of miniature vampire fangs and bat wings) were staring at me with this hungry look in their eyes. But right when I was sure they were about to jump me or do something along those lines, Yami Bakura turned around to the other two and said:

"Humph. No need to bother; there's not enough life in him to feed on. Better to throw him back."

"Bakura-kun?" Otogi-kun's voice abruptly snaps me out of my temporary zoning out, "You all right?"

It takes me a moment to take in his question, but when I finally do I can't help but turn a bit pink in embarrassment, "Yeah… why wouldn't I be?" Besides the obvious reasons, of course. I have a feeling that I'll be getting a sarcastic answer from Otogi-kun, which is why I'm so surprised when he just shrugs.

An awkward silence settles as he returns to his work, the keys on his laptop click-clacking noisily in the quiet room. I'm starting to feel nervous, even though I don't really know why. Could it be because of the dream? That dream was just… really weird. And what did Yami Bakura mean, exactly, when he said that 'there's not enough life in him to feed on'? I suspect there is some kind of twisted message that my mind is trying to send me, but I don't know what it is. Which isn't anything new, honestly. I'm just getting more messed up by the day….

"You doing anything today?" Otogi-kun, thankfully, saves me by interrupting my decidedly disturbing thought process.

"Um… yeah?"

Otogi-kun raises an eyebrow again, "Is that a question or an answer?"

I groan inwardly, remembering how much of a pain in the ass Otogi-kun can be when he feels like annoying somebody, "Yes. I meant yes, I am doing something today."

I'm not lying, really I'm not! Emi-chan is going to be picking me up later and we're going to have lunch with her husband. And no, I don't know _why_ I would think somebody thinks I'm lying! I mean, I don't think I sound like I'm lying. Is there some tone of my voice that makes people think that or something? Or is it just me?

"When?"

"About 12:30," I reply automatically. I have no idea where this is going… maybe I should go to my room and stop bothering Otogi-kun, who looks to be a bit stressed over his work right now.

"Good." Before I can blink, Otogi-kun picks up a stack of papers that was seated in the chair next to him and dumps it on the table in front of me. "File those for me, will you?"

I can't help but sweatdrop as I stare at all the papers. Jeez, there must be more pages in this pile than pages in my books! And that's saying quite a bit!

"Na… na… nani?"

He gestures absent-mindedly towards the living room, "There's a file cabinet next to the bookshelf. Those are a bit out of order right now, but just file them according to the titles on each page."

Since I'm really in no position to protest (plus, I don't think Otogi-kun would care since he's once again engrossed in his current task), have nothing better to do, and don't want to tick off Otogi-kun, I just sigh and pick up the stack of papers, my knees nearly buckling under the weight. I mean, for Kami-sama's sake! This is a _lot_ of papers!

And I have just agreed to file all of them. Which leads me to wonder why Otogi-kun couldn't act like most normal people and just work in an office rather than his kitchen, have a file cabinet near his desk rather than in another room, and hire a secretary rather than using his guest as slave labor.

Okay, I'm probably getting cynical there. After all, Otogi-kun and Honda-kun are probably putting up with a lot by letting me stay with them, and I owe it to them to at least help out where I can. And considering the two of _them_, they need all the help they can possibly get.

_I honestly don't think you're one to talk,_ Yami Bakura snickers as I finally reach the file cabinet with my heavy burden.

_Urusei…_ I mutter softly and barely loud enough for him to hear. But unfortunately for me, he does hear and is not exactly what you would call pleased by the single word.

_Look at you, yadonushi. You've got everything set out in front of you yet you still don't know what you want when it's so obvious. You've gotten all the help you can get but you're still looking around trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong. You've known these things for so long, and you're acting like you don't know them at all. For pity's sake, look beyond your nose._

With that, he abruptly draws back, thus cutting off any answer I might have had to give.

~ * ~

After I filed the papers, the entire time trying to ignore what Yami Bakura said (in both my dream and in the very, very recent past), Otogi-kun had me do everything from editing his rough drafts to vacuuming. So not only am I a chef and secretary, but I'm also a janitor! Oh joy, I'm sure my parents would be _very_ proud of me!

It's about twelve o'clock when Otogi-kun finally shoves away his laptop, the entire time looking like he has a major headache. I can't help but feel somewhat guilty again, even though he already explained that it wasn't really my fault.

"And we wonder why people get fired," he grumbles as he gets up to make tea. I happen to know that Otogi-kun doesn't normally drink tea, but in preparation he bought a whole canister of raspberry tea. So now he's trying to make sure that I drink all of it before I leave, something that makes me feel very appreciated and loved.

"I'm sure he or she had a reason," I reply, although I don't really believe it myself. Otogi-kun obviously thinks otherwise as well. He shoots me a disbelieving look before leaning against the kitchen counter, muttering some very rude profanities about certain people.

Ouch. That wasn't very nice.

Otogi-kun is so busy ranting that he doesn't hear the doorbell ring. Since I value my life (despite what certain unnamed people think), I decline to inform him of the newcomer and quickly walk over to where the intercom is.

"Dare ka?" I ask as I push the button down.

"Ryou-kun?" Emi-chan's voice is crackly, "It's Emi."

"Okay. I'll come downstairs in a bit," I say hastily before she can suggest coming up. Since I like Emi-chan with her body parts intact (and have a suspicion that her husband would kill me if disembowelment should occur), I don't want her to face Ryuuji-kun when he's in such a… mood.

"Is that Ryuuji-kun I hear screaming in the background?"

I wince as a glass breaks. I have a feeling that Otogi-kun is having a temper tantrum and it's best if I should quickly escape before I should be killed.

"Of course not. Why would he be screaming and breaking plates?" I grit back.

"Well, aren't you in a mood." I can just hear the smirk over the intercom, and for a moment I wonder if maybe I _should_ have her come up here to see what I have to deal with right now.

Before I can inform her of my little change of heart though, the phone rings and Otogi-kun picks up. I can only hope that it's Honda-kun calling to calm Otogi-kun down or at the _very_ least talk some sense into him (isn't that the same thing though?)… perhaps a neighbor called him about his koi's behavior.

But since this is _me_ and I'm the unluckiest person on this planet… I have a feeling that it's one of Otogi-kun's poor subordinates because he starts _screeching._

"I can't believe you—" Wince. "—gave me that damn proposal yesterday when you've had it for an _entire_—" _Wince._ "—week and a half! Just wait until I get down there and…"

Emi-chan giggles as I groan, "Does this happen often?"

"Yeah. He should be fine by evening though, once Hiroto-kun gets his hands on him. Or in…."

"That's enough!" I cut her off sharply before she can show me exactly how dirty her mind is.

With that, I quickly take my finger off the intercom button so that she can't enlighten me any more than she already has, rushing past the kitchen where Otogi-kun is screaming obscenities. I grab my wallet, rush past the kitchen again while yelling my good-byes which can't be heard over his voice anyway, open the door, and slam it shut on my way out.

I'm quite surprised to discover that with the door closed and Otogi-kun on the other side, I can no longer hear him. Something that leads me to wonder if the two of them were bright enough to get the apartment sound-proofed.

I would ask Emi-chan about it since she knows Otogi-kun pretty well. But I have a feeling that if I do, she'll tell me reasons that I don't want to know. I can just hear her voice saying something along the lines of:

"Why, I thought you always knew that Ryuuji-kun was a screamer!"

~ * ~

"Kou can't make it, so it's just going to be me and you," Emi-chan informs me brightly as she turns the key into the ignition. Luckily for me, Emi-chan is a good driver, unlike certain other blonde drivers who I have had the grave misfortune of getting into the car with. However, what is strange about Emi-chan's driving skills is that she apparently learned to drive from one of those before-mentioned blonde drivers: Mai-san. I don't know how Mai-san managed to teach Emi-chan so well while failing so miserably when it came to herself and Jyounouchi-kun, but I can only hope that when the two of them decide to teach Takuya-kun, they ask Emi-chan to instruct him rather than doing it on their own.

If not, I fear for the lives of the next generation.

"Did something happen to Takarada-san?" I ask a bit apprehensively. From what I've heard, Takarada Kou is more than a little accident-prone, and he's had a number of unfortunate accidents with furniture and the such.

"Just a meeting," Emi-chan replies easily before glancing over at me quickly, "You'll be able to see him tomorrow."

I blink. Last I heard, there wasn't anything going on tomorrow… "Why tomorrow?"

"Oh." There is an awkward pause as Emi-chan makes a turn, "Never mind then."

There's a tone in her voice that makes me think that it's definitely not something to 'never mind' about, but I choose not to question her about it. Or, if I was to be truthful with myself, I would admit that I don't want to question her about it because I'm afraid that it's something I really don't want to know about.

However, I still haven't lost my masochistic-like tendencies because not twenty seconds had passed before I found myself opening my mouth, "What is it?"

"It's nothing important."

"Emi-chan…" I sigh, feeling more than slightly annoyed… although whether I'm annoyed with her or myself is a different story. It's just that… if she's going to bring things up, couldn't she in the very least just finish the thought? I mean, is that really too much to ask for?

"What?" she opts for an innocent look, which I grimace at. Emi-chan isn't very good at innocent looks. In fact, they make her look very devious.

"Can't I just get a straight answer for once?"

Well, I just succeeded in sounding very pathetic.

_Well, you are pathetic._

Oh, thank you very much.

_You're welcome,_ Yami Bakura replies snidely before once again cutting off our link. I honestly don't understand that guy sometimes… which might actually be a benefit to my ever-declining sanity.

Emi-chan's laugh distracts me from Yami Bakura's presence (or currently, lack of it), "Honestly, Ryou-kun. You're over thirty yet you still don't know the answer to that question? I mean… how often in life do we get straight answers?"

My jaw tightens and I turn away to look out the window to watch the scenery go by. It's like watching one's life in fast-forward. You go so fast that you miss everything except the end, rather than enjoying everything in-between. But then again, sometimes there isn't anything to look forward to except the end.

People say that waiting is often times the best part of life. But how can you enjoy the waiting if you don't know what you're looking forward to?

~ * ~

"I heard from Mai-chan about last night."

I can't help but scowl.

"I guess that means you can dance," Emi-chan smirks into her tea. I wonder if it will be a terribly bad thing to dump my tea on her head. Emi-chan knows very well that I have problems with DDR, considering how she had been on one of our karaoke disasters before. "As long as Seto-kun is holding your hand, of course."

I just continue to scowl at her; last night was not exactly something I want to remember. I don't think my behavior was quite the best, and the aftermath of the whole mess had not been very pretty either. Neither Seto nor I could be persuaded to sing, and we barely spoke to each other for the rest of the night. Jyounouchi-kun tried to badger us into making conversation, but both of us just glared at him and he didn't try again.

"You're trying to imply something, aren't you?"

"You think?"

"You might as well save your breath," I grumble bitterly. "You're not the first one to tell me this. I think most everyone has already."

"Did you listen to them?"

Silence. I decide to pretend I didn't hear what she said and that she wasn't even there. Yes, of course I'm sitting here by myself. Why on earth would I be here with somebody else? This woman? Oh, of course I don't know who she is! Don't know why she knows my name. Maybe she's been stalking me.

"Are you listening to _me?_"

"I wish I wasn't," I can't help but reply. She is anything less than amused by that, although I suppose that I can't blame her seeing that I wouldn't be very appreciative if somebody had said that to me.

"Well, you'll have to listen to somebody _some_ time," Emi-chan replies, sounding mildly exasperated with me. It seems that everybody is being aggravated by me, especially Seto. I don't know why he hasn't figured out what I've been trying to tell him, but every time I do he just seems to get annoyed. It's kind of like… I know he's trying to fix what he did, but I don't really accept it enough to believe him. "And it might as well be me."

Emi-chan, unfortunately, has convinced herself since that time she helped me get over Seto after he stopped speaking to me for about a week that she can be my own, personal therapist. I'm just waiting for her and Otogi-kun to get together and set up a practice to cure poor, stupid people like myself.

"I mean… don't you still love him?"

I choke, "What?!"

"Seto-kun. You still love him, don't you?"

I can only blink, "Well, yes… but…"

"But?"

I really, really hate it when people ask me questions but don't let me finish my answers. It just seems kind of pointless, and that makes it annoying.

"But nothing," I finally mutter, uninterested in explaining myself. It's just that… it's hard to explain something when I don't quite understand it myself. "It's nothing."

Emi-chan makes a very exasperated sound… apparently, she doesn't appreciate the tables being turned on her, which I feel a bit of sadistic pleasure for.

"Nothing. Sure. And is that why you look like your heart is being ripped out whenever somebody mentions his name," she snaps before taking a bite from her lunch. "Even if you keep lying to yourself, it doesn't change the facts. You've been doing a pretty good job trying to though."

"He wants to try again."

Silence follows my statement. I don't really think about Emi-chan's words… I've heard them so many times that I really can't. There's only so many times you can listen to something before you stop taking any notice of it. Perhaps this is just one of those times.

"And you don't?"

"Not really," I admit. Or lie, as some people seem to think. Am I lying or am I telling the truth? I just can't _tell_ anymore. I keep wavering between two extremities and when I try to find a middle ground, the floor drops and sends me crashing into something else that I just can't explain.

"Not really?" she snorts. "Now that's a lie if I've ever heard one."

"Well, how do you know that?" I shoot back. Why does everyone doubt what I'm trying to say? Isn't it just possible… just _possible_ that I know what I want? That I know what I'm doing?

Hmm. Probably not….

"I don't know," she grins triumphantly. "But there's not harm in trying again, is there?"

Um, yes there is? I made a big mistake in trying in the first place, and now look where I am. In some places, they would label me a social outcast, just because I suffer from maniac-depression, an obsessive-disorder, and a desire to be a hermit in the middle of Antarctica. But don't they know that there are _seals_ in Antarctica? Maybe I can befriend them, tame them, and send one to Yami-kun. As long as he promises to keep it in his bathtub with lots of ice cubes. Oh, and keep the Black Magician very far away from it, as last I heard the two of them are still having problems over Yuki.

"After all, how do you know what's going to happen until you try?" Emi-chan smiles softly, a gesture that makes her look more… more something. Not as devious and conniving, at least. Not like someone who wants me to do something that I don't want to do. "You know what they say… when you've hit the bottom, the only place you can go is up."

"What happens if you haven't hit the bottom yet?"

"Then… then you better set some standards for yourself so you can get out of there. Cause there's only so long you can stay there before you lose everything."

~ * ~

"What are you reading?"

Otogi-kun, who has calmed down considerably since I left this afternoon, has apparently finished his proposal and is sitting on the couch reading.

Instead of replying, he mumbles something darkly before burying his nose in the book (not literally, of course). I pause to glance at the title…

Robert's Rules of Order? [2]

I open my mouth to ask him what that is, but he lowers the book long enough to _glare_ at me (perhaps glare is a bit of an understatement… his eyes are promising me death should I say anything) before going back to reading. Or trying to set the book on fire by glaring at it, I don't really know.

Since Otogi-kun is oh-so-courteously _ignoring_ me, I wander into the kitchen where Honda-kun is bent over some paperwork. I don't know if it's his or Otogi-kun's, but I decide not to ask in fear that Otogi-kun will hear me and launch a screaming fit again. The display this morning was enough or a reminder of what I witnessed in college and high school, and I have no desire to see it again for another eight years.

"What's with the book?" I finally ask. I wince as I hear a loud 'humph!' from the living room, but Honda-kun just snickers.

"Just a book," he replies lightly before handing me a little slip of paper. "You got a phone call."

"Dare ka? [3]"

"Kaiba."

Translations and Notes:

[1] Good morning

[2] *coughs* Blame this on rayemars-san….

[3] Who is it?

PM: -.-;; Sorry I'm not able to put up the entire chapter. But as mentioned, I just need the time what with the AP. Technically, I only have one AP (last year I had two), but I'm so stressed about it, especially compared to last year. See, at least year I _knew_ I was going to do fairly well… this year I feel very unprepared. So this is just half the chapter, and I'll post up the rest of the chapter next week (hopefully).

Ryuuji: You know, if you had studied over the year…

PM: Urusei.

Ryuuji: *smirk*

PM *scowls angrily*: Anyhow, like I said… sorry about the shorter chapter. But it's still four pages… *innocent grin* Just not very long by my usual standards, but I felt like that was a decent place to cut off and give me some time to study. *bows* Very sorry.

Pikachumaniac


	8. Setting Standards 2

Disclaimer: First I need to get rid of all standardized tests. Then I'll look into the stealing other people's creations matters… *leers at Takahashi-san*

Look the Other Way

PM: Did I already complain about the length of this title? Yes? No? Well, I've just decided that it's too long. So there. *folds arms and scowls*

Kaito (Magic Kaito, Detective Conan): What am I doing here?

PM: Well… Ryou-kun is sulking in a corner, Ryuuji-kun is in the emergency ward (for _some_ reason…), and Yami-kun is still being ravished by Yami no Bakura, so there's nobody here right now. And I'm convinced you are straight… although Hakuba*Kaito… *eyes roll back*

Kaito: O_o

PAS (PM's dear friend): *knocks PM out and sticks Kaito in a cage before walking away with him, cackling maniacally and vowing to brainwash the whole world*

Jyou: -.-;; And to think that I almost escaped this madness… *sigh* This half of the chapter is in Kaiba's POV, and takes place directly after the last half.

PM: *Hugging Yuki while mumbling in her blow-induced sleep* Hakuba*Kaito….

:) Many thanks to rayemars-san for beta-reading, as well as the reviewers: fani90 (Seto: I think I've suffered enough, thank you very much. Ryou: DIE!), Neko-baka-chan-chan (APs finally destroyed your mind? D), Shamanic Guardian Lena (^^;;; Should I or should I not destroy your innocent mind? *grin* Basically, -seme is the person who's dominant in the relationship while -uke is the person who… uh, isn't), Wildwolf (I still need to e-mail you, don't I? *innocent grin*), Tuulikki (Why, I thought it was a wonderful place to leave off too! ^o^), Lena (Eep! *quickly smacks Yami no Bakura to force him to spit out your hand and sews it back on), yukoma (Ryuuji: I was NOT having a temper tantrum! PM: *coughLIARcough*), Fate (There's a whole universe out there… *insert scary music*), Shikou Yamitsuki (Ryuuji's assistant: HELP!! *runs away from rabid Ryuuji*), Erfaciel (*gives you another bucket, just in case! :P), Crystalline Maxwell (I'll get that rubix-cube in next chapter), TidBits (Ryuuji *preens*: People feel sorry for me! PM *rolls eyes*), Sailor Comet (Ryou: I am not passive! I am not pensive! And I am definitely not feminine! *Entire YGO cast and PM burst into badly concealed laughter*), Shenya (*shivers* But combine this chapter with the last and you'll see how long the chapter was going to be if I didn't cut in half… *hides from chapter*), Ninetails (*GLOMP* Thank you for the review! It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!), The Evil Laugh (Thank you for the ficcy! *hug* And thank your friend too!), Dani (Kaiba: I am not plotting anything. Ryou: Liar.), Angel-Belle (*whispers* Actually, I don't know what it's about. rayemars-san told me to put it in the chapter), cheesepuff (Your wish is my command!), Dreaming Dragon (It wasn't that bad of a cliffy, was it?), Sam Baku (Just a month… really! *innocent grin*), and Squee-shi (*blinks as PM lookalike gets chased around* Hmm… A Pikachumaniac fanclub. My ego is bursting… *grins impishly*). *waves* Arigatou, minna!

~ Setting Standards (pt 2) ~

The phone is ringing.

I hate phones. I think they're horrible inventions, something that might sound odd coming from me but it's true. Phones are annoying. They allow people you don't want to talk to to call you. And you can't pretend that you're not there if you're the one picking up. At least with mail, you could claim that the postman lost the message. Same goes with e-mail… and it's even better since you can claim a virus has completely destroyed your e-mail box and you won't be able to check it for another fifteen years.

But with phones… the most you can do is have an unlisted number. And even then, people can sell your phone number and you might as well have saved your breath.

And the phone is still ringing.

Finally, I decide that it's best if I just ignore it. After all, there is an answering machine and if the person really wants to talk to me, I can pick up during the message. And if it's somebody who doesn't want to talk to me badly enough, then they won't even bother leaving a message. Even _better_, if it's somebody who wants to talk to me but I don't want to talk to them… then I can let them leave a message and claim that the cat stepped on the erase button of the answering machine when they ask me why I haven't called them back three weeks later.

I think I'm much more tired than I suspected.

"This is the Kaiba residence!" Meimi's voice comes across the answering machine and I can't help but smile slightly. "Please leave your name and phone number so that we can get back to you! Arigatou!"

_Beep!_

"Seto? I just got your message from Honda-kun and I…"

I don't even let you finish your sentence before I grab the phone, hastily turning it on, "Ryou?"

There's a pause before I hear you sigh. The sigh that usually precedes a scolding.

"Seto? Are you screening your telephone calls again? You know that isn't very nice, and I don't know why you keep doing it."

Your scolding always makes me smile. I can't help it because you look so adorable. Which might seem like a paradox… being angry yet lovable at the same time, but you manage it quite nicely. Your cheeks turn a bit red and you start ranting until you suddenly realize what you are doing, and that leads to you sputtering nervously. Always the perfect moment to plant a kiss on your cheek, which is flaming hot by this point.

Unfortunately, this is not the time for me to be reminiscing, so I clear my throat and again interrupt you, "Would you stop reprimanding me if I told you that Otogi does the same thing?"

I can just see you pursing your lips in annoyance. "That has nothing to do with this and you know that Seto."

"Doesn't it?"

Rather than rising to the bait, you sigh again.

"Seto, I have just had a not-so-great day, alright? Please don't make this anymore worse for me. You asked me to call and I did. Now what do you want?"

"I wanted to know if you were busy tomorrow."

Silence.

"Because in case Otogi or Honda or the make inu forgot to tell you, it's Meimi's birthday tomorrow."

"Otogi told me her birthday was several weeks ago," you reply. There's a frustrated tone in your voice, and I suppose that you feel lied to.

I can't blame you.

"It was, but we decided to put the party off until Meimi's mother could join us," I explain hastily. Although if I could have, I would have gone on with the party without her. But then she would have thrown a fit and I've gotten enough headaches from her to last me a lifetime.

"Really?" Your voice is so quiet now, barely audible. But I can hear the pain in it.

Oh god Ryou… I'm trying. I'm _trying_ to make this up to you, but you won't let me. And I know I deserve all this, but _you_ don't. I… I just want you to give me a chance to make you happy again.

"Yes."

There is silence again and I can't help but cringe. Oh, if only my enemies could see what I have been reduced to when I remember what I did to you. When I live with the consequences of my own actions, and the memories of a relationship that could have continued if it wasn't for me.

But just this once… _just this once_… please say you'll come.

"If you won't come for me, come for Meimi. She likes you."

Where the heck did that come from?! Great, of all the stupid, idiotic things to….

"Okay. What time?"

… do? I can barely contain my sigh of relief but instead manage to compose myself to my usual, cold-hearted being. As if that ever fooled you.

"Otogi knows. He and Honda are coming anyway."

"Okay."

Before you can hang up, I find my mouth moving on its own accord. And for that, I wish to give it a slow, torturous, and excruciatingly painful death.

"I still love you, Ryou."

My knuckles are white as I hold the phone to my ear. Your breathing has suddenly turned ragged, and I can't tell whether or not I should be surprised as everything is abruptly cut off when you hang up the phone on me.

~ * ~

The bed is large and warm. Your body rests against mine, my arms wrapped protectively around your chest. Your white hair is just close enough to be tickling my nose, and I have this annoying urge to sneeze.

However, before I can, you turn so that I'm looking into your blue eyes. They're so soft but they're not sad anymore. There's this gentle happiness within, but it looks so fragile and easily breakable.

I once made myself promise that I would never deliberately let your eyes look sad again. I've broken that promise before, unintentionally, but what I am about to do is anything but unintentional.

"What are you still doing awake?" I ask as you smile and move closer. "You're supposed to be asleep."

"So should you," you mumble back softly. "But instead you're still awake brooding over who knows what…."

"It's nothing to worry about, Ryou," I whisper back as I slowly detach myself from you. I must be growing soft or overly romantic, for it feels like I'm ripping my soul away. But isn't that what you are to me? My… heart? The thing that makes me strive to be the best I can be now that Mokuba no longer needs me? "Just go back to sleep."

There's a small yawn that makes you so… so _cute_. I dislike using this word very much, yet no other word seems appropriate when describing you. You're cute. Not pretty, not sexy, not… you're not like anybody else.

You're just cute.

"Okay…" the word is barely coherent as you nestle into the blankets. Slowly, hesitantly, I copy your movements, careful not to touch you except for the arm I drape across your chest. If you notice this change, you don't say anything as you settle down.

I hold my breath.

"Seto?" your voice seems a bit faint, and I savor every moment of it.

"Hmm?"

"Omae ga suki da [1]."

You settle back down to sleep and I can only lie there, staring at you. Already missing you even though you're right next to me, already hating myself for what I am about to do.

It doesn't take you long to fall asleep. The day was long and the make inu wasn't helping things with his wild party ideas, and it took us quite a long time to make it home.

Home is where the heart is. I think I saw that embroidered on a pillow once.

Once I'm sure you're asleep, I cautiously remove my arm and slide off the bed. If you wake up, I can say that I'm going to the bathroom or something along those lines. If you wake up, I can lie my way out of it and hope you fall asleep soon so that I don't have to suffer any longer.

Yes, me. I know I can lie and say that I don't want you to suffer, but how can you hurt when nothing has yet to happen? No, it makes no difference to you… once you wake up and find that note on your pillow.

My clothes slip on silently as I continue to watch you warily. The note… it took me so long to write, but it still sounds wrong. Then again, it would be wrong if it sounded right. Just what I'm trying to say on that piece of paper… it's all wrong. I typed it at work and tried to make it sound as distant and cold-hearted as I possibly could. I'm pretty good at that, if one considers all the comments I get about having my heart encased in ice. But most of that was before I met you….

I'm ready.

I'm ready to walk into the next part of my life. I'm ready to let you go. Or force you to go, since that is a bit more accurate than the former.

As I place the piece of paper on the pillow, on impulse I lean over you and whisper, "Ai shiteru, Ryou [2]."

I'm kind of hoping that you will wake up and put an end to this madness. I know that I would never be able to do this if I was looking into your eyes or hearing your voice. I know that I wouldn't be able to succeed at this if I could witness first-hand the pain I would be causing you.

But like everything else that has gone wrong with my life, you don't.

"Tousama?"

You just lie there, not even reacting as I brush that soft white hair away before turning and walking away.

"Tousama?"

I hope you hate me when you wake up, Ryou. At least that way you'll get over this easier, and maybe then you won't have any need to miss me ever again.

"_Tousama!_"

~ * ~

I blink as I stare into Meimi's bright blue eyes. They're not like yours, but they're still beautiful. I don't quite understand how some things can be so different yet equally… lovely.

"Were you having a bad dream, tousama?" Meimi doesn't bother to wait for me to answer before launching into more questions. "If you're not, you can always borrow Seppen-chan. She won't mind, and she'll help get rid of your nightmares."

If Meimi wasn't enough to wake me up from my oh so wonderful stroll down memory lane, the threat of sleeping with anything that remotely reminds me of Yami no Yuugi is. Quickly, my eyes seem to focus and I'm no longer sleepy, letting me focus on Meimi's face. She looks almost frightened, and she's clutching Yuki II tightly.

"No, Meimi. I think you should keep her so you won't get any nightmares," I smile as I ruffle her hair, something that causes her to scowl. She doesn't like getting her hair tousled… in some cases, she can act almost like Otogi when it comes to her hair. Quite disturbing, if you ask me, but Otogi just keeps encouraging her.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"It was nothing, Meimi."

"I don't believe you."

I blink, "Why not?"

"Because you look too sad," she replies as she sits down on my lap, her blue eyes disturbingly serious. "Why are you so sad? Is it because of Ryou-san?"

My mouth moves faster than my thoughts can, "How… how did you… no!" My mind quickly snaps back to reality, but the damage has already been done. I can see it in her eyes, even as I try to cover my mistake. "No, it's not because of Ryou. Why would you think that?"

"You've been upset since he walked away from you."

"You would be upset if I walked away from you, wouldn't you?"

"Yes…."

"So naturally I would be upset if he walked away from me, right?" I kiss her on the nose to emphasize my point… how that works I don't really know, but it does cause her to giggle and I smile again.

"Did you ask him if he can come tomorrow?"

"Would I ever disappoint you?"

Her face scrunches up into a scowl as she ponders that statement. Oh god, please don't mention the incident. Anything but the incident.

"There was that time…"

"Do you have to bring that up?"

"… when you tried to stuff Seppen-chan into the shredder and Yami-san had to save her for me?"

In defiance of my attempts to put that memory in my own mental shredder, it still remains crystal clear to me. And despite what everyone thinks, I was not deliberately trying to kill her seal.

"Meimi," I groan loudly. "I thought we promised never to speak of that incident again."

"But you brought it up."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. And even Seppen-chan agrees with me, so it's two to one!"

I laugh, even though a part of my mind registers that I've lost to my daughter and a stuffed seal. A sad fact, I suppose, but I don't really care anymore.

"All right. All right! I concede to you," I grin as I pick her off my lap and set her down on the ground. "And now you will go get ready for bed."

"I will?" she blinks innocently.

"Yes, you will."

We both stare at the doorway, where I see the person who makes me want to scream in utter frustration.

Okajima Mami.

It's odd… I know why I married her and yet I don't understand how I could have. Ryou embodied everything I loved and wanted, while Mami just… isn't. And perhaps it wasn't fair of me to place such expectations on her… but let me say this just once.

If anybody deserved it, it was her.

"Kaasama!" Meimi yelps as she clutches Seppen closer. Mami doesn't like Seppen much, especially since she found out it came from Yami. She accuses him of lying to her about his sexual preferences and the relationships he has, although I never once saw him speaking to her.

"Meimi," Mami smiles as she comes in. Meimi carefully gives me Seppen (who stares at me with big, watery eyes) before running over to give her mother a hug. My fingers are twitching, and it takes me a great deal of effort not to get up and give her mother a strangling.

"What are you doing here?"

"Tsk. With that tone of voice, one would think that you weren't pleased to see me," Mami scowls at me before kneeling before Meimi. "Now Meimi darling, go get ready for bed while I go talk to your father."

"Is he in trouble again?"

"No."

_Yes._ Yes, yes, yes, yes! I want to scream as Meimi runs over to get Seppen before kissing me on the cheek and running out of the office. Leaving me to deal with the terror known as my ex-wife.

If only these walls were made of glass. Then at least I could jump out and hope that there was somebody was down there waiting to catch me.

Somebody with white hair and blue eyes.

~ * ~

"You look well."

I roll my eyes as she closes the door, "Cut the small talk, will you? What did you come here for this time?"

"Some respect, for starters. Look, I don't know what I did wrong but it's time you told me. You asked me to marry you, yet you spend the rest of the time staring at me as if I was a mistake! What did I do?"

"You are a mistake," I reply coolly.

"Your mistake," she snaps back as she flips her chestnut brown hair back. She reminds me greatly of Otogi when she does that, but the two hate each other. "Not mine."

Well, she is the one who accepted my marriage proposal.

There is a long silence as we glare at each other. If it wasn't for Meimi, maybe I would have been able to live with this. But when Meimi came along, I knew that I didn't want my daughter to be stuck in any fights. I know that this is probably my fault for letting this situation go as far as it did, but at least I was able to end it. She hasn't, and she continues to be a thorn in my side even though I've sent the message to her over and over again that it's finished.

"Why can't we start over?" Before I can blink, she's seated herself on my desk and on top of my paperwork. I would like nothing more than to shove her off, but that would give her an excuse to sue for harassment or abuse or something like that. And I have enough problems on my hands.

"There is nothing to start over. What we did was a mistake and the only good that came out of it was Meimi."

"She's mine too, you know."

And I should care because…? I roll my eyes again as I look away to the surface of the file cabinet. On it there are many framed pictures. Most of them are Meimi and me or Mokuba and me, but there are several with me and Yuugi-tachi. And one of them, as inconspicuous as possible, is a picture of you and I sitting on the steps of the stairs going up to my office. I was about to have a meeting so the two of us ended up sneaking off and we were just relaxing there. We weren't even kissing… just talking. You were easy to talk to, Ryou. I felt like I could tell you anything and you wouldn't judge me.

Emi is the one who took the picture. And as soon as we saw the flash, we were up and running after her. Well, to be truthful, I was the one running after her while you chased me, yelling at me not to hurt her. The three of us ended up running into her father, who was more than slightly amused by our antics.

"It's him, isn't it?" Mami's cold words interrupt my thoughts as she gestures at the photographs. "Your boyfriend."

I raise an eyebrow as I reply smoothly, "Yes. It is."

"The one who went to America."

"There was only one, Mami."

"Do you still love him?"

I don't even blink. "Yes."

There is silence before she folds her arms, staring at me in the face, "I could learn to hate you very, very easily."

"Go ahead. I'm surprised you haven't already."

"Why can't you get over him? What is in the past remains there. No matter how much you tug and pull, you're not going to be able to get it back."

"Isn't that what you're doing?" I question coolly. "You should really learn to take your own advice, Mami. Before you start sounding like a broken record."

"There is a difference between these two scenarios, Seto!" she exclaims as her eyes flash and seem to burn. "We still have something that connects us. Meimi. What do you have with this guy? What?! For god's sake, it's been over for over eight years! It's time you moved on, isn't it? It's time you put that in the past. You let it destroy what little we had and you're letting it keep us from getting something back."

"There is a problem with your logic, Mami, and I've explained it to you many, many times before. And I don't want to say this anymore. We do _not_ have something. We did not have something. What you and I had was nothing compared to what I had with Ryou. And I admit that it was my fault for thinking that I could get over it with your help, but at least I knew when it was time to finish what I had started. At least I knew where to _stop_. That's the problem with you. You don't know when to stop. I tell you 'no' and you think I said 'yes'. You hear things that aren't there, and you do it with knowledge of what is reality and what is not. You are not a part of my life anymore, except as somebody who Meimi cares about. And the only reason why she cares for you is because she doesn't see you enough to get to know the real you. If you actually cared for her, like you claim you do, you would come to see her more often than you do."

My words are all spoken coldly and emotionlessly, and she's gaping at me like a fish. And I know that even though I've shocked her, it's really nothing new. Sooner or later, she'll be back with another list of demands that I have no intention of ever complying to. Sometimes, I think it's just some twisted hobby of hers.

"Now. Are we through?"

"No. I need to know something."

"What?"

"You agree that this is your fault. Am I correct?"

"Yes." I have no idea where this is leading, but I have a feeling that I don't want to know. I'm already starting to develop a headache, and I certainly don't need it to be any worse than I know it's already going to get.

"Okay. I just wanted you to be clear on that."

"You know the way out."

"I do. I'll go say good night to Meimi and see you in the morning."

"Fine."

I barely look up as she gets off my desk and walks away, closing the door quietly behind her.

As I hear her footsteps die away, I put my paperwork down and sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose in an attempt to make the pounding headache go away.

Is this… is this what I'm doing to you, Ryou? Causing you pain because of my own selfish demands? Am I no better than Mami, who I can't stand?

_I still love you, Ryou._

I know I'm pushing you, but I also know that you need to be pushed sometimes. But what I don't know is whether or not I'm doing the right thing for you. I know that this is something I want… that I want to make you happy again… but right now you seem so determined to keep me out of your life.

You're afraid of me hurting you again, aren't you?

Would it make you feel better if I told you that I was afraid of doing that too?

Notes (if I repeat translations, sorry!):

[1] I love you. Not really as strong as 'ai shiteru'… more like 'I like you', actually.

[2] I love you, Ryou.

[3] Are you all right?

PM: O_O That was a lot of dialogue…. I don't even like writing dialogue that much. Or it's kinda that I find it so difficult to write that I don't like it very much….

Ryuuji: Oh hush up and get to the point.

PM: *glares* Want to go back to the emergency room again? *Ryuuji instantly shuts up* Anyhow, that was the second part of chapter 7… a little longer than the first part. Ahh, I don't like writing Seto's POV as much as Ryou's… I've just gotten used to Ryou. ;-; But I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Chapter 8 will hopefully be right on schedule… but I'm not guaranteeing anything these days… --;; Gomen! Anyhow, if you all could take the time to answer the questionnaire, I would be most grateful. :)

Questionnaire:

Of the OCs who made their debut in this story, which one is your favorite? You could choose from the following: Kaiba Meimi, Seppen, Bakura Suguru, Bakura Erika (I'm including them because they didn't get much coverage in "Fairydust"), and Okajima Mami. Or anybody else you can think of. :) The reason why I'm not saying all OCs is because Black Magician is getting insanely jealous of Yuki. :p Although just between you and me, after you tell me who your favorite new OC is in this story (or perhaps you don't have one, which is fine as well), you can tell me who your favorite overall OC is. *wink*

I'm asking this mainly to figure out whether or not I'm doing alright with my OCs. I know that some of them just don't show up enough to make a difference, but some like Emi and Meimi have big parts. I like to make sure that they're not annoying anyone (since they're not supposed to be) and are reasonable.

^_^ Arigatou, minna!

Pikachumaniac


	9. Birthday Candles

Disclaimer: *sits down and sulks* I don't wanna write these disclaimers anymore… *starts running away from lawyers and Takahashi-san* 

Look the Other Way 

PM: Hi, minna, and welcome to chapter 8 (finally!) This chapter takes place on Friday throughout the entire day, and is narrated completely from Ryou's POV. *grins* Although I have to tell you… I can't help but be really amused by how many people thought that Mami was tape-recording the part where BakaKaiba admitted that their relationship was his fault in the last chapter… 

Mami *cackles evilly as she takes out a tape player*: MWAHA! 

PM: O_o Um… Mami-chan… you need to put that back. 

Mami: *puppy eyes* Noooo… _onegai_, PM-sama? 

PM: O_O!! *backs away slowly* Tasukete kudasai? Tasukete? Minna-san? Onegai? *backs into a wall… shakes fist at Mami* I created you! I could unmake you! So stay back! BACK! 

*more evil cackling from Mami* 

PM *whimper*: HELP! 

Vote Results: Kaiba Meimi leads with twenty-eight, and Seppen-chan in second place with eleven votes. Okajima Mami got one vote as well. :) Of the oldies (Emi: We're not that old…), Yuki and Emi-chan both tied at seven votes and the poor, abused driver got one vote. *waves* Arigatou, minna, for participating! 

Many thanks to Crystalline Maxwell for beta-reading for me. :) Sorry I drove you crazy with the eyecolors thing… Anyhow, on to the killer paragraph! ^o^ Thanks to Wildwolf-chan (Yessss, you are allowed to hate her… but I've grown fond of her myself…), Lena (*hugs* Thanks for your comments on Mami… your explanation more or less sums up my own feelings exactly. I dislike her yet I can't help but adore her… O_o It's so weird), Genkisaru (^^;; Sorry… I don't really want to kill anybody off in this story), yukoma (:P Thanks for your idea… but it'll probably have to wait until after I'm done with LTOW), fani90 (^_^ Happy belated birthday! *YGO group HUG*), No Name (*watches you jab Mami with a pitchfork* That has to hurt…), Yami Bakura (If I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore… Ho ho ho! *gets knocked out*), Shenya (^.^ Thanks for the comment on the OCs!), Mayhem's BrainChylde (Their own universe, eh? Hee, the things that can be spawned from a simple idea… torturing Ryou), Angel-Belle (^_^ Romantic… really? I thought the story was more whiny myself… I was worried about there not being enough romance, so thanks for commenting on that), loanshark (Ominous… hee… *grins impishly*), Shamanic Guardian Lena (^.^ Well, you must be glad to know that Meimi-chan did indeed win! But we love them all, rightttt?), Crystalline Maxwell (Mahaado: I AM NOT JEALOUS OF THAT FURBALL!), Tuulikki (*shivers* I can only write Ryou POV these days… I'm really quite surprised I managed to pull off Seto's POV), Fate (Meimi: Thanks!), Alana (^_~ Hee! Your patronage is much appreciated! ^o^), Seto's Chic (^_^ I'm glad you like the Seto POV), Teb Teb (Honda/Otogi fluff? Hee, how about as soon as I finish this story, I will write a story focused specifically on that? Just in case you don't get enough of it from this story), Neko-chan (I was wondering why Mahaado-san wanted the shredder), Shade Azuna (Black Magician: *SMIRK*), Beverly (If they got together too quickly… I wouldn't get as many reviews. *ducks rotten vegetables* KIDDING! KIDDING!), cheesepuff (For some reason, 'Ryou, you stubborn bum' kinda rhymes. O_o), Screwy Seven Number Four (*blinkies* Eep.), Blondie the Black Sheep (Ryou: It's all his fault! *bawls* Seto: I already apologized though…), Dani (Ryou: He still loves me. What good has that done me?! PM *faint*), stephanie (I do too… need to work on different stories. ^o^), Erfaciel (Ryou: *thinks* If we get together, I want to be seme. Seto: NO.), MarmaladeGirl (Ryou has many different colored eyes. He has brown eyes in second season, green eyes in first season, and blue eyes (I think) in the manga. Since this is based on the manga, he has blue eyes), Ashuri chan (Just one problem… Mami: GUESS AGAIN! PM: O_O!!!), Ninetails (Sorry about the mix-up… ^^;; And I'm a god? ^o^ Heehee… feel the wrath of PM-SAMA! MWAHA! *gets knocked out by an UFS (Unidentified Flying Shoe)*), Steph-hime (^_^ Well, just to warn you… I plan on writing more Seto POV later on in the story), introspective-mortal (Yuki: ^_^), Dreaming Dragon (Hey, hey, hey! Anzu is pretty cool… just not in the dub. *sigh*), Ayrrie (Emi, Meimi, Yuki: ^_^!), TidBits (^_^ Well, I hope you're glad to know that there will be more Seto POV chapters…), Sam Baku (Actually, I'm just trying to brainwash the world… but if I could kill through fanfiction…), Ishizu Sango Halliwell (^.^ Sorry about me being so erratic when it comes to updating… but it really does just depend on when I have time), Shikou Yamitsuki (^_^ Dynamic? Wow, thanks!), Dragon Wings (O_o *watches as the printer prints a picture of Yami hugging Yuki on Black Magician's face* ^_^ Tis okay about the stalking thing… I'll remember you anyway! And thanks for the comment on the dialogue… makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. ^_^), KittyKatu (Hee… hope this is soon enough), and *i n c o h e r e n t* (*HUG* I missed you! I was kinda worried too… :p). Thanks, minna!!

~ Birthday Candles ~ 

Once upon a time, I made the mistake of asking Otogi-kun what I should get as a birthday gift for the 'man who has everything'. Or at least enough money to buy anything he wants except for a small country (or a large one, for that matter). 

"Why don't you just wear your birthday suit before wrapping yourself in ribbons and waiting for him to get home?" 

My second mistake was mentioning this to Emi-chan in a fit of rage. 

"You might need to provide a bucket for his nosebleed." 

My third mistake was mentioning this to Yami-kun. And just when I thought I was going to get a reasonable answer from him (or at the very least some form of sympathy), he asked with the most serious face possible: 

"I have a pair of handcuffs… do you want to borrow them?" 

I don't quite know why I remember this so randomly, but I suppose it has something to do with the fact that now I need to get Meimi-chan something for her birthday. And I have no idea what to get. Plus I have only about… how many hours? Four hours to get her something? Now, it might just be me or couldn't Seto have asked me about the birthday party sooner? Not that I'm grateful to him asking me… I definitely don't mind seeing Meimi-chan again… but it's just that… 

_I still love you, Ryou._

Why? _Why_ did he have to say that? WHY?! My thoughts are sounding hysterical but I don't care anymore… all I can do is sit here and scream to myself. Scream the same word over and over and _over_ again. _Why?!_

It was so much easier to lie to myself when he never said it out loud. Easy to tell myself that it was all just… just some disillusionment on my part. Why would he still love me anyway? It seemed impossible. It seemed… seemed wrong. Funny how something that once felt so right could feel so wrong now, but that's what happened. It felt wrong. 

And now he's saying it again. And I can only stand here wondering why he had to say it. 

Why? 

My thoughts are interrupted when Honda-kun puts his hand on my shoulder. 

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Bakura-kun?" Otogi-kun frowns as he looks at me as if I've caught a deadly sickness and it's starting to muddle my brain. Of course, considering how much I was _hallucinating_ yesterday when I apparently heard Seto say 'I still love you', he might not be that far off. For all I know, the disease might be gobbling what's left of my brain… which probably wasn't much, now that I think of it. 

"I'm sure," I smile, trying to look reassuring. "I need to buy a gift for Meimi-chan, after all." 

"We could pick you up." 

"I don't know where I'll be going." 

"You could call." 

"I'll take a taxi." 

"Are you avoiding us?" 

There is a silence before I look at him in the eye. Then, with a calmness that surprises even me, I reply quietly, "You of all people should know the answer to that, Otogi-kun." 

Before he can say anything, I walk out of the apartment. 

It's not that I'm angry at anyone, really. At least, I don't think I am. Well, I don't know if I am anymore… I know there really isn't anything to be angry about. But there's feeling of disappointment that I can't really get rid of. 

It's just that… it seems like everyone is hiding something from me. As if they don't think I'm old enough to make decisions on my own without needing to be guided like a lost child. And maybe I am lost, but even if I am… it's something that _I_ need to figure out on my own. I can't have Otogi-kun or Jyounouchi-kun or anybody running my life for me anymore. I need to do this on my own. But every time I try, it's as if somebody needs to take my hand. 

Perhaps that is why I moved to America. Not only to get away from Seto, but to get away from _everything_. I wanted to live on my own. I wanted to do things _on my own_. And it's hard for them to understand and even for me to understand. 

Yami Bakura says that I'm the type of person who needs to be taken care of. But I can't always be taken care of, can I? I have to look out for myself someday, don't I? 

It might sound strange, but Yami Bakura is one of the few people who actually lets me do that. He doesn't interfere with what I do. If he sees that I'm about to do something wrong, he doesn't suddenly tell me unless I'm risking my life. And even then, he'll let me suffer the consequences of my own actions long enough for me to figure out what I did wrong. 

Everyone is hiding things from me on this trip. I don't know why they're doing it… I don't know what they think any of this will accomplish. All I know is that I'm feeling extremely frustrated and that I really wish I had never come on this vacation. I admit that things weren't going along very easily before this, but things certainly aren't getting any better. Jyounouchi-kun may think that he has done me a favor by asking me to come, but I have never felt so annoyed and humiliated in my life. 

With the exception of that week when Seto asked me to be his boyfriend though. 

I bite my lip as I walk down the stairs, trying to clear my head. 

That was different though. That was all different. It isn't the same as this… it's not even comparable. I don't even know why I'm thinking about it… the two have nothing to do with each other. 

Sighing as I breath out, I reach ground level and take in a breath of fresh air. Today is a new day, right? Today… I should at least try to be happy. Banish these unpleasant thoughts! Carpe Diem! Live a little! 

There's a little voice in my head, and right now it's laughing at me. And frankly, I don't know whether I should find some way to knock it senseless or start laughing along with it. 

~ * ~ 

The taxi driver thinks I'm crazy. I can see it in his eyes, and I'm not being paranoid. He really, really, _really_ thinks I'm insane. I can just see his fingers itching for his cell phone, ready to call the mental institute. I can see him thinking about telling the story of the psychotic white-haired man he met to his family over the dinner table. I can see him fantasizing about his name in headlights when he tells the newspapers of how he met that crazy man who went to the Kaiba mansion and shot Kaiba Seto. Ohoho, I can see those little gears in his head turning, and it makes me feel so… so… 

Stupid, pathetic, and helpless. Take your pick on which of the above. 

"Are you sure you want to go to the Kaiba Mansion?" he asks for what has to be the hundredth time as we pull up to the entrance. There are approximately thirty guards waiting there, all watching the parked taxi suspiciously. And I thought I was paranoid… although I suppose that Seto has many more enemies than I do, so he needs to be paranoid. 

"Yes," I repeat slowly, to reiterate the point that I'm not making this up and wasting his time and my money. 

He sighs as I clamber out, pausing only to pay him before getting out of the car. But he doesn't drive away… instead, he pulls up very slowly and then stops to watch me get thrown out. Wouldn't that just be my luck? 

"Um… ohayou?" I smile nervously at the guards, who are watching me with absolutely no expression in their eyes. The taxi driver's story is just growing longer… "—and when he tried to get into the house, they picked him up by the collar and threw him as far as they could! The poor guy… he really did seem alright until I heard the words 'Kaiba mansion' fall out of his mouth. Then I knew for sure that he was just insane." 

"I'm here for Meimi-chan's birthday?" I venture. 

Still no reaction. 

And I am starting to feel really, really stupid. I can't help but wonder if this is just some sadistic game being played by Seto and the others… and I can't help but realize that if I'm starting to think that, then something is terribly, terribly wrong. 

"—no, forget just insane… this man was a raving lunatic! And then, right in front of my eyes… the hospital came to pick him up! They wrapped him in a straitjacket and hauled him off to the loony bin before you could say 'I just knew he had problems!'" 

"Oy! Bakura-kun!" Yuugi-kun's voice distracts me from my attempt at having a nervous breakdown, and I turn to see both him and Anzu standing behind me. Yuugi-kun is holding a large, rather bulky gift covered in wrapping paper that is dotted with little seals. Speaking of which, my own gift's wrapping paper is speckled with little pictures of Ruby the hedgehog from Saint Tail. The gift itself is a Saint Tail wallscroll, due to my inability to figure out what to buy. I went to the department store and searched everywhere and saw just about everything from Hello Kitty rubix cubes to talking stuffed animals. 

And to think that I used to be satisfied with a sock monkey. 

"Ohayou, Yuugi-kun, Anzu," I grin in relief. The guards are no longer looking so emotionless and the taxi driver is looking slightly disappointed, as if he realizes that his great story has just fizzled. 

The other thing I got for Meimi-chan was a good luck charm. Good luck charms aren't that difficult to find… you can go to just about any temple out there and buy one. Kyoto is a good example of this; there are many tempers there and all of them sell these charms. There was a small temple that I passed by where I got this charm. It is, ironically, a charm for good luck in love. 

Makes me think that I should keep it for myself. 

I'll have you know that I did not choose that charm because it was for love. Why would I do that?! I actually chose the charm because it was rather pretty. It's pink and gold and it simply looked very nice. Love had absolutely nothing to do with it. 

Raise your hand if you think I'm lying. 

"What are you doing outside, Bakura-kun?" Anzu asks as the gates open and we walk in. I can hear the taxi pulling away reluctantly in the background, before focusing on the question she just asked me. 

"Oh… um… just admiring the view," I lie quite pathetically. 

The Kaiba Mansion has not changed much over the past years, from what I see. It seems to me that just about nothing has changed over these years, except the city's structure. But that might just be me. 

Looking at it from the outside, you don't really get the sense that there's a birthday party going on inside. I can only wonder what is happening inside. Seto's birthday is on October 25 [1] so we usually celebrated it at his apartment in Tokyo, but Mokuba's birthday is in July and thus summer break. Since I always returned to Domino during the summers of our university years, I was always able to go to the Kaiba Mansion in order to celebrate Mokuba's birthday. And from those, I know that the inside of the mansion is going to be filled with decorations for Meimi-chan. 

I remember one of my own birthdays which I celebrated with Seto. It had only been the two of us, although that afternoon we had gotten together with Yuugi-tachi. However, the night was just about the two of us, and he had actually cooked dinner. Unlike both Otogi-kun and Honda-kun, Seto is a very good chef. He rarely cooks on his own though, so it really was a special occasion and I felt very… grateful, I guess. 

Instead of getting a cake, he had made a creampuff. It was a large creampuff, enough for two people, and he had stuck a candle in it. 

"You need to make a wish." 

"I know." 

I closed my eyes and blew out that candle. And I made the same wish that I made every year… that we would all be happy for the rest of our lives. 

I always knew there was a possibility that the two of us would break up. At times, it seemed too good to be true. But my wish wasn't that we would always stay together… it was that we would be happy no matter what we did. 

Looking back, I have a feeling that my wishes didn't work out too well. I haven't been as happy as I was for the past eight years, and I don't know if Seto was happy either. I always hoped he was, though. I loved him enough to hope that he would be happy with his decision. 

I still love him… I know that. 

I just don't know what to do about it. 

Now, however, is not the time to think about it because before I know what is happening, the door is flung open and an eager Meimi-chan is looking up at us. Her brown hair is held into a ponytail by a pink ribbon, and her blue eyes are wide with excitement. 

"Yuugi-san! Anzu-san! Ryou-san!" she smiles as she gives us each a hug. I'm the last person to receive a hug but when she lets go, she does so only to take my hand which causes me to smile warmly at her. 

"Happy birthday, Meimi-chan," Anzu greets for us as Meimi-chan leads us into the mansion, still holding onto my hand. The interior of the mansion is lavishly decorated, and we can hear many voices coming from the living room. Many of those voices I don't recognize, but that is understandable since I'm sure Meimi-chan has many other friends. 

"Arigatou!" Meimi-chan grins as we walk into the room. There, I can see everyone else as well as several hyperactive kids who I will safely assume are her friends. 

"Is that everyone, Meimi?" a new voice asks briskly as an unfamiliar woman walks up to us. 

"Hai, kaasama!" Meimi-chan chirps brightly. 

She's… pretty, I suppose… although I personally prefer Emi-chan. Emi-chan has a soft and gentle figure that contradicts her manner, while Mami-san is bold… almost like Mai-san but darker than her. Her brown hair is cut short and her greenish-brown eyes are hard. She's quite tall and the way she carries herself seems to show a no-nonsense type of person who always wants to get her way. Currently, her expression is completely emotionless as she stares at me, silently taking in every single one of my flaws and imperfections. 

It seems so silent right now. The kids are still talking loudly but it seems as if their voices have been put on mute. None of the grownups say anything either. Both Yuugi-kun and Anzu are silent at my side, looking at a far-off speck on the immaculate wall, while Otogi-kun and Honda-kun are watching us intently. Jyounouchi-kun and Mai-san have decided to busy themselves with taking care of Takuya-kun, and Emi-chan and Kou-san are whispering to each other soft enough so that I can't hear. 

Mami-san's expression is completely unreadable. She doesn't look annoyed or angry or confused or even disgusted. She just stares at me, something flickering in her eyes. I don't know what that something is, but it's hard not to flinch when she suddenly turns away to kneel down before Meimi-chan. 

"Why don't we play a game, Meimi?" she announces loudly, never once looking in my direction as she shoos Meimi-chan over to where the other kids are waiting. "Your father will be down soon." 

She straightens, casting me another look that is half contemptuous and half bitter. Bitter about what, I cannot know… but she walks away and I'm finally released from my frozen position. 

"Daijoubu ka, Bakura-kun?" Anzu asks as soon as Mami-san is out of hearing range. 

It takes me a moment to acknowledge her presence, but as soon as I do I try to smile reassuringly as we walk over to the table that is heaped in gifts, "Daijoubu." 

Anzu looks quite unconvinced but I'm not quite in the mood to argue with her. So I excuse myself to go sit next to Jyounouchi-kun, who looks as if he is waiting for me expectantly. 

"Well… that went as well as could have been expected." 

"Which wasn't very well," I mumble back softly before watching the others quietly. Then, before I can control myself, "Do you guys get together for her birthday every year?" 

"Since the divorce," Jyounouchi-kun replies casually. "Seems kinda weird, considering how Kaiba claims to hate us all. But you know him… all bark and no bite. And he calls me a dog." 

"That's because you are a dog," Seto replies suddenly. I can't help but yelp as we both turn to look at him. Jyounouchi-kun looks not the least perturbed by Seto's sudden presence while I'm sweating bullets. I can feel somebody's eyes baring a hole into the back of my head and just subconsciously know that it has to be Mami-san. "Hello, Ryou." 

"Hi," I mumble softly. Behind Seto, I can see Mokuba and Aoko-chan. 

It's not that I'm playing hard to get… I'm really not. I'm just… I'm just so confused right now and I don't know what to do. I'm not sure how to handle all of this, and I'm not ready to commit myself to something that I left behind so long ago. 

Heh, who am I kidding? Did I ever leave any of this behind? I've been stuck in the past as if it was molasses, and I still haven't been able to extract myself from it. But now that somebody is offering me a way out of it… I just can't seem to take his hand because I'm scared of what is waiting for me. And I'm scared of being stuck in this mess again. I'm so scared that I can't get out of it in the first place. 

It all sounds so terribly confusing. I know what's happening… I know what I'm thinking. But I just can't do anything about it. And this really frustrates me. 

_I still love you, Ryou._

Why do those words keep playing in my head? I've heard them enough times to make me want to scream in frustration. Over and over again… they just keep repeating themselves. 

I do feel rather guilty about that. But I honestly did not know how to react to it. So I chose to pretend that it was all some big hallucination and I hung up the phone. 

Just how much longer am I going to keep lying to myself? 

Before I can say anything… before I can stop him… Seto leans down and gives me a kiss on my cheek. I flinch ever so slightly, but he still notices and draws back. There's this sadness in his eyes, and I hate myself for causing it. But I couldn't really do anything about it…. 

"Seto…" my mouth is dry as I try to search for the right words, "… not here. Not now." 

"Then when?" 

Never. That's what I should say. That's what I want to just scream out right now. But that isn't what I feel… and he probably knows that. 

"I don't know." The words sound so defeated. "I really don't know. But just… not here. Please? Not right now." 

He hesitates ever so slightly before finally nodding. And the weight on my shoulder, rather than dropping off, seems only to increase until I'm pressed to the floor, gasping desperately for the air I want but cannot get because of my own follies. 

~ * ~ 

Mami-san is more or less in control of the kids, so we grown-ups basically have time to ourselves. And despite my attempts to get out of it, I find myself sitting next to Seto on the couch. Everyone else is, conspicuously enough, ignoring us. 

I have a feeling that there is some conspiracy going on…. 

"So… how was America?" 

"Very environmentally unfriendly," are the first words out of my mouth. He just blinks at me as I slap myself mentally, trying to figure out why I said that. Even though it's true. Those gas-guzzler cars are really quite problematic… I mean, I can live with dealing with no really good public transportation system. After all, if I can't ride a bus, I can always get a ride from a friend or my editor. And if that doesn't work out… well, you'll be surprised at the wonders of hitchhiking. But the big cars… I'm always getting worried about being run over when I'm walking in the street. And since there isn't always a sidewalk, you don't exactly get a choice of whether or not you get to walk on the street or not. It's kinda like… not only are there so many cars but they have to be _big_ and very fuel inefficient. 

And why am I thinking about this anyway? 

"Oh." I have a feeling that I have just about killed this conversation from Seto's reply… and I can't say I'm not pleased about that. America is the last thing I want to discuss right now… I like it there and everything but I wasn't as happy. And if I tell him that, then he'll probably ask me why I don't come back. And if I tell him that the reason why I don't come back is because I don't want to face him… then our conversation will not only be dead, but it'll be cremated and the ashes will be in a pretty jar on the mantle over the fireplace. 

Yami-kun has joined in the festivities, much to Mami-san's annoyance. The spirit has created a physical body and is now playing with the kids. Yuki is sitting on his head while the Black Magician watches, looking about as exasperated by the situation as Mami-san is. 

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder how Yami-kun can live. Most of the time he is in Yuugi-kun's mind, and he doesn't come out except to duel or on special occasions such as this. Thus, he is usually confined to his kokoro no heya, with only Yuki and the Black Magician for company. Yet he still manages to be happy… even if he failed in his goal of finding his lost memories. His memories were once the only thing except Yuugi-kun which kept him going… but he's moved on beyond his failure. Watching him now… he looks so content. 

"I love her," he suddenly mutters in a distracted tone, so soft that I don't know if I was meant to hear it. He might have wanted me to hear it, but I find it difficult to figure out people's motives so I usually prefer to wait for them to straight out tell me rather than try and guess. 

This time though, I can't keep my tongue still. 

I can't help but stare. "Who? Mami-san?" 

Seto looks somewhat irked by that idea, "Her? Of course not. I meant Meimi." 

Meimi-chan, who is currently trying to get Yuki to fall in love with her ragged stuffed seal. Otogi-kun mentioned it to me before… he called it Yuki II. I have a suspicion that _that_ is not its real name. 

"She's wonderful." And I mean it… I mean it very, very much. 

"I always wanted a daughter," he continues in that same distracted tone, as if he is talking to himself or me or some third party who is apparently invisible. Besides, what is he telling me this for anyway? It's not like I can get pregnant or something… or is he trying to explain himself? 

I thought I just said that I wouldn't try to figure out what game he is playing. 

Right now, I can't help but feel like I'm in the middle of just that… a game. A very difficult, evil game that has no distinguishable end. We're all just… pieces in some grand scheme that we have no control over. 

Or do we? 

Whether or not he was frustrated by my lack of reply, Seto decides to say something to end the silence spell that has apparently been put over us. 

"I really did miss you." 

I can't control the blush that creeps up on my cheeks as I look away, trying to focus on Honda-kun and Otogi-kun. Very bad idea, as the two have decided to make out in a corner. No, I don't know why Seto invited them. No, I don't know if everyone is just so used to it that they're no longer worried about traumatizing innocent minds for life. NO, of course not… why on earth would I think this is the reason behind Mami-san not liking them? 

"If I told you…" I choose my words slowly… they come out so sluggishly that it seems almost painful for me to get each word out, "… that I already know that… could we…" 

My voice breaks at that and I fall silent. Could we what? My mind is drawing a complete break and I really don't know what to say. I don't know what I _want_. It's so frustrating and I want to run away but I'm here and I feel so trapped. 

Seto suddenly reaches out and pulls me into an embrace, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. I don't pull away and I really don't want to… but I can't really react to his gesture either. I have this inexplicable reason to start sobbing, but I control it (somewhat) and just continue to sit there, closing my eyes as he rocks us slightly. 

He smells really nice. 

I don't stop him when he loosens his grip, reaching one hand over to brush the hair away from my forehead and kissing me gently there. I don't want to stop him. 

It's true that I don't know what I want anymore. But I do know enough to realize that even I am not foolish enough to prevent him from doing what makes me feel whole again. 

~ * ~ 

"Blow out the candles, Meimi-chan!" Anzu encourages as the rest of us end our chorus of the birthday song in broken English (although some people were better than others). We're lucky that we're still capable of hearing, especially since Jyounouchi-kun (among others) was singing and Jyounouchi-kun singing automatically creates a dangerous situation. 

"But don't forget to make a wish," Seto reminds her gently as he squeezes my hand. My face is burning again but I'm too… giddy to do anything about it. 

Part of me is screaming that this is going too fast. That something is clearly wrong if we can make it to hand-holding and kissing (not on the lips) because of one agreement. 

But the rest of me just doesn't really care what that part has to whine about. 

Clearly, there is something very wrong with me. 

However, I push all of this aside as Meimi-chan takes in a deep breath before blowing out all seven candles. As soon as she does so, the lights come on and we all clap and cheer for her. Her face is flushed and she's grinning, her brown hair getting all over her face in a messy disarray. 

"What did you wish for?" One of Meimi-chan's friends ask. 

"Baka [2]! You can't ask her or the wish won't come true!" somebody else whispers before Meimi-chan can even open her mouth, causing us all to laugh. 

Meimi-chan smiles before she declares simply, "I wished for something very special." 

As she says those words, she looks at Seto, who just shakes his head in silent laughter. But I can subconsciously tell that he also has no idea about what she wished for… even though he tries to pretend that he does. 

_"Aren't you going to tell me what you wished for?"_

_"If I tell you, then I might not as well have made that wish."_

My wish didn't come true, even though I didn't tell him. I can only hope now that at least Meimi-chan's wish will come true, whatever it is that she asked for. 

Wishes are such important things. They're like dreams, in a way. Perhaps they are just dreams. But however one wishes to describe them, or whatever title they are given… they help give lives purpose and keep our world turning. 

… I think I'm losing it. Again. But that certainly isn't anything new. 

~ * ~ 

Meimi-chan enjoyed all her gifts, including my wall scroll. I couldn't help but be happy about that, especially since I had spent so long worrying about how she might already have it… But as it turns out, she hasn't, so I'm very pleased. 

Not to give off the impression that mine was the only gift she had gotten. Which is certainly not true… Meimi-chan has seemingly gotten everything from the Hello Kitty rubix cube that I had before been… admiring… to a collection of encyclopedias. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder about the sanity of other people… perhaps that will explain why the world is so messed up these days. 

It appears that Otogi-kun is not the only one who is trying to save money by relying less on hired help. 

Currently though, Meimi-chan is saying good-bye to everyone… except us wonderful adults who have been volunteered into clean-up duty. 

"Ja ne, Michiko-chan! Ja ne, Keiko-chan!" Meimi-chan waves good-bye to the children leaving. Speaking of children, Takuya-kun is sulking since he too is being roped into cleaning as well. 

"I don't see why I have to stay…" he grumbles as he looks pleadingly at Mai-san. "Kaasan?" 

"If I'm staying, you're staying too," Mai-san replies affectionately before ruffling Takuya-kun's hair. Jyounouchi-kun smiles before kissing Mai-san on the lips. Takuya-kun gags at the display of affection, causing Yuugi-kun and Anzu to laugh. Honda-kun and Otogi-kun have temporarily disappeared to the kitchen, and I can only hope that they're… making out like wild bunnies instead of trying to cook something for Meimi-chan's birthday. 

I can't help but smile as well, but my smile slips off my face when I suddenly realize that there is somebody watching me. I turn around to see Mami-san watching me, her brownish-green eyes dark despite her smile. It reminds me of the way a hyena looks at a sick wildebeest who can only run three steps. 

"Okajima Mami," she introduces, although she doesn't bow or extend a hand, as is the customary American introduction which has been becoming more popular. 

"Bakura Ryou," I reply politely before bowing slightly. 

"I know," her words are brittle as she looks around the mansion, which is a complete mess. We stand there silently for a moment before she gestures me to follow her. Mokuba is watching us with a hint of worry in his eyes, but I follow her nevertheless. Perhaps it is simply because I have a death wish. I'm not quite sure… but I always have been stupid in that way. 

She hands me a trashcan, which I take, before picking one up for herself. Soon, we're working side-by-side to pick up the trash that has been littered all over the floor. We work in silence for the most part, and I concentrate on my task rather than the person next to me. 

Finally, she pauses and looks me in the eye. 

"You've got a lot of guts to walk back into his life, Bakura." 

I decline to comment, instead choosing to take down the pink and white streamers hanging from the wall. I don't really know what to say anyway, to be truthful. After all, how do you change the mind of somebody like that? How do you argue an accusation when you can barely figure out what the accusation is truly about? Is she angry because I am somehow taking away something from her or… _something_? I honestly don't know. 

"He's already grown up. He left all of this… childish behavior a long time ago. Eight years later, he is running a successful business. He is married and he has a wonderful…" 

"He's not married anymore," I interrupt as gently as I can. "You two divorced several years ago." 

Unfortunately, the gesture goes by unnoticed. Her lips purse as she shoves the next wad of trash into the garbage can as forcefully as she can, giving me the impression that she wishes that the little wad crumpled ball was really my head. Or something similar to that. She doesn't say anything for a moment, continuing to throw things away with such vigor that I can't help but admire the strength anger can give people at times. Although I suppose that really isn't a very good thing… especially if she chooses to turn that anger against me. 

"Who told you that?" she suddenly demands. 

"Otogi-kun," I reply, and I can't help but wish right at that moment that I had been smart enough to lie and say I read it in the newspaper. Or on the internet! It's not like I don't go on the internet these days. 

"That fag." The words are spat out rancorously, and I can't help but look slightly shocked at it. I've heard the word before, and many of those times it has been directed at me… but just because I've heard it doesn't mean that I like it or am particularly used to it. 

It occurs to me that I should defend Otogi-kun… and myself… but Mami-san apparently isn't listening to me anymore. No, she's off in her own little world where I'm nothing more than a nasty thorn stuck in her side and she is searching for a pair of tweezers to pull me out. 

"He should keep his god damned nose out of other people's businesses," she continues bitterly as she scans the room, as if in belief that Otogi-kun is right behind her. Or Honda-kun. Distantly, I remember Otogi-kun telling me that she doesn't like them, but right now my mind also seems to be quite… petrified. 

My inner system (whatever that is) is screaming at me to run away as quickly as possible. To get out of here. To get away as far as I possibly can. I don't need to listen to this… I don't want to. 

I turn to walk away but she catches my arm, her green eyes alight in fury. I'm much too polite to shake her off, but I can't help but feel extremely nervous. 

"Does he tell you that he still loves you?" she asks. Her voice is suddenly soft and no longer hostile, although those emotions are openly and proudly on her face. 

It takes me a moment to figure out how to reply to her, but finally I nod slightly. Seto. It's as if she is a mind-reader, or perhaps she can look into the past. How did she know that it was only last night that he told me those exact words? I still love you. In my voice, they sound so… insignificant. When he says them, the world might as well come crashing through the roof and right onto my head. 

I have a feeling that Mami-san wouldn't mind that event occurring right about now. 

"He never told me that. Not once. From the very beginning, when he proposed to me… he told me. This is a business arrangement. Nothing more. 

"And I asked him, why is that? Why can't you love me? 

"Do you know what he said? Do you?" she hisses as she drops the trash can, spilling its contents all over the floor. I can only stare at them helplessly, unable to react to any of this. 

"He told me that he still loved somebody else. That he loved somebody else so much that I could never replace him. But I was replacing him, wasn't I?" she laughs as if she is the only one privy to some sick, cosmic joke, and now she's letting me in on her little secret. "He… he told me that I would never be able to replace _you._ But guess what? I did. I became Mrs. Kaiba. And god… did I hate it." 

"Then why are you telling me this?" I ask. 

She looks at me for a moment, her expression thoughtful. Then, without any emotion in her voice, she replies, "If he cared for you so much and still left you… how were any of us to stand a chance? How were you? He claims that he still loves you. The rules haven't changed. They never will. Society will not truly accept the two of you for what you _want_ to be because it's wrong. Otogi can screw around with whoever he wants because frankly when you compare him to Seto, he is nothing more than a small fish who can be eaten at any moment. He is _nothing_. Seto is something. He is something when he is with you, and he is something more when he is without you. 

"But none of that matters. This is about you… and him. Well fine, Bakura. Fine. If he loved you so much, why did he leave you? What's going to prevent him from doing it again? 

"Nothing. Nothing is going to keep him from doing it again. And thus begins the vicious cycle. Over and over again, this will happen. 

"You asked me why I'm telling you this. I'll tell you why then," she pauses before delivering her next words with an icy coldness that makes the temperature of the room drop a few hundred degrees or so. "I hate you." 

It feels like a slap in the face, and I flinch slightly. My mind is still screaming for me to get out as soon as I can, but my legs aren't responding and I have a feeling that I'm going to be standing here until she lets me go. And when that is I have no idea. Perhaps it will be never. Perhaps I am doomed to stand here for the rest of eternity, stuck with this woman who hates me without even knowing me. 

"Don't try to change my mind. I hate you. In a way, I'm sorry for it… I'm sure in reality, you're a very nice person." Her expression says different. "But that doesn't change anything. I still hate you. I hate you for what you've done to me. When I married Seto, even though he told me straight out that he would never love me… I had to try, you know? You've seen him… he's a wonderful person. He's wonderful as long as you can past his shield, and only a couple people have been able to do that. One of which is you. But when you left… his shield got all the more thicker, and none of us could ever get through. Especially me. He picked me, you know, because I was nothing like you. I know that. I see you and I know that for a fact. 

"All of this is your fault. Not directly, of course, but it's still your fault. And I can't help but hate you for that." 

She speaks the words so coolly that it makes me wonder if it's really happening. 

"It's his fault too, of course. I can't blame it all on you, and I have no intention of doing so. I'm sure plenty of it is his fault. He told me himself. 

"He told me that all of this is his fault. And now he's trying to make it up to you again. But he'll never be able to make it up to you, will he? For the rest of your life, you're going to have that little nagging though… wondering. Always wondering. Will this happen again? Will I wake up again only to discover he is gone? And at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that." 

Then, as quickly as it had started, she turns and walks away. She walks over to the door, exchanges some words with Seto, kisses Meimi-chan's cheek, and leaves. 

And the entire time, I can only stand there staring at her. At him. At them. And her words just keep playing in my mind, over and over again. 

_I hate you._

It's sad that this type of irrational behavior still exists… but I shouldn't be surprised, right? After all, it has lasted for so long and it's not about to die out. Often, our hates are based on impressions that don't even exist. Based on prejudices and biases that we wrongfully impose on people who we have never met. Stereotyping an entire race because of a few members. It's rather pathetic, but we live with it. And we try to get beyond it. 

But still…. 

I can't help but think that she is right. Or is she? She's wrong, isn't she? Or am I just becoming much better at lying to myself? I do it so often, it seems…. 

"Don't listen to her, Bakura-kun." 

I don't reply as Otogi-kun hands me a drink, which I stare at for a moment as if it is a toxic substance. Although knowing Otogi-kun… 

"Listen to who?" 

"You know what I'm talking about." 

I do know. But it doesn't make me feel any better. 

Considering how much I lie to myself these days, I suppose I should start getting used to how often everyone lies to me. Don't listen to her? How? Should I just repress the memory, Otogi-kun? Should I just… erase it from my mind?! 

How do I forget something like _that?!_

~ * ~ 

The drink was fruity and rather tangy. Quite tangy, in fact. Quite fruity too. Is that even a word? 

Fruity. 

I think I like that word. 

The decorations came down pretty quickly. As it turned out, Seto didn't even need us to clean… much to Takuya-kun's relief. He got the hired help to do it. So he isn't as cheap as Otogi-kun the miser. The fruity miser. Fruity. Hee. 

"My god, what did you put in that drink?" I hear Emi-chan ask urgently. 

"I'm sorry. Did you want some? I seemed to have drunk it all," I hope I am looking somewhat… guilty. I am guilty. Very guilty. But the drink was quite fruity. 

I like fruit. 

Especially apples. They taste good. Crunchy and sweet. 

"Well, if I had known that it was going to affect him this much, I wouldn't have put it in!" Honda-kun replies heatedly. Otogi-kun groans, sounding like he has a headache. Speaking of which, I seem to have a bit of a headache myself. But just a tiny one. Veryyyy tiny one. 

"You _spiked_ his drink?! How could you?" Anzu moans. Sounds like she has a headache too. 

"It wasn't that much!" 

"You know that Bakura-kun isn't very good with alcohol!" Yuugi-kun interjects. 

Alcohol? 

"I didn't have any alcohol," I whine. But everyone ignores me, causing me to sulk. 

And why on earth is the room spinning so? It's like I'm on a merry-go-round. Seto took me on one of those once. The horses when up and down and up and down and up and down and…. 

"We should probably take him home," Otogi-kun sighs. 

"You're going to take him home by subway?!" All four of the Jyounouchi-kun's shake his head. "No, I really don't think that's a good idea." 

"You guys could take a taxi." 

"Still have to get him up to the room. God, I hope he doesn't break his neck walking up those stairs…" Otogi-kun's green eyes are suddenly in front of me, and I stare into them groggily. "Oh yeah. He's drunk." 

"Honda-kun!" 

"I'm sorry!" 

I blink at them. And then I clear my throat, trying to sound as sincere as I possibly can. 

"I am not drunk." 

They all stare at me for a moment before proceeding to ignore me again. In the nicest way possible, I am sure. 

"He's drunk." 

"I am not!" I complain loudly. 

"He can stay here." 

Silence. 

"Err… can you repeat that Kaiba? I don't think I quite heard you correctly," Jyounouchi-kun states in complete disbelief. He doesn't sound very happy. But he never sounds happy around Seto. I wonder why sometimes. Seto is so nice! And he's cuddly. Like a teddy bear! 

"I said he can stay here. Do you have a problem with that, make inu?" 

"Kisama…" 

"Jyounouchi! This is no place to be arguing!" Anzu interjects sharply. 

Suddenly, warm hands are placed on my shoulders and I turn around to see Seto's pretty blue eyes. They really are pretty… like sapphires. Or the ocean. Or my carpet. 

"Come on, Ryou," he steers me gently up the stairs. "It's time to go to bed." 

I can't help but giggle. He sounds like he's taking me up to bed! I'm laughing so hard that he's having trouble getting me up the stairs, and I end up collapsing like goo into his arms. But he has such nice, strong arms. Very nice. Extremely nice. I snort in laughter again before kissing him on the nose. 

"Please kiss me Seto?" I whisper as I snuggle close to him. Mm. Warm. Very warm. Like the fuzzy blanket I have back home. 

He looks slightly shocked, but he also looks sorely tempted as I stare at him pleadingly. I don't see how he can resist me anyway… I am quite irresistible, right? 

That's what everyone tells me anyway. This everyone is a very nice person. I really wish I could meet him someday. Maybe I'll be able to get his autograph too. 

Then, firmly… "No." 

Suddenly, the warm glow I was feeling is turned off and I can only stare at him. "What?" 

He shakes his head, "I said 'no', Ryou." 

Without another word, he hoists me into his arms and carries me up the stairs. I can only pout. Excuse me? What exactly is going on here? _He's_ the one who keeps telling me that he wants to kiss me and stuff. And here I'm offering him what he wants and he doesn't want it anymore! What is it with guys anyway? Why do they have to be so wave-ry and all that type of weird stuff? Why can't they just stick to what they have to say? 

We enter the room, although it takes a bit of trouble since Seto is carrying me. _Me_. Not anyone else. 

"Is he going to be alright, tousama?" I hear Meimi-chan whisper. I try to smile in her general direction, but I have no idea where she's standing. 

"He should be fine, Meimi. He's just a little drunk." 

What is it with this drunk thing? I am not drunk! I am perfectly, perfectly, _perfectly_ sober. 

"I am not drunk," I repeat loudly. But everyone just ignores me again! As if I'm nothing! 

Seto is tucking me in again, avoiding my mouth when I try to kiss him again. I am getting very frustrated by his uncooperative behavior here, so finally I just stop. Even then though, he doesn't come within kissing range. 

"Good night, Ryou." 

"Humph," I sulk. "Why won't you kiss me?" 

There is silence before he replies casually, "Because you're drunk, Ryou. And if you're drunk, the kiss won't mean anything to either you or me." 

I can only gawk at him in awe. And my head is really starting to hurt. 

"Good night," he repeats before he walks out of the room, closing the door and leaving me to contemplate all my flaws and weaknesses in the dark. 

By myself. 

Notes: 

[1] According to the official YGO character guide by Takahashi Kazuki, at least. But doesn't that mean he's more or less the youngest out of everyone if they're the same age? *innocent look* 

[2] Idiot! 

PM: -.-;;; Long chapter… very long chapter. *wipes sweat off face* So I'm not going to have many author notes… *yawns* Stayed up a bit later to finish this chapter, so right now I just want to go to sleep. *yaws again* Oyasuminasai, minna… *falls asleep* 

Yami *starts doodling on PM's face with a magic marker* 

Pikachumaniac 


	10. Different Direction

Disclaimer: If Yu-gi-oh was mine, I wouldn't have to worry about when I'll be getting my DVDs… *scowls darkly*

Look the Other Way

Yami: PM took some mind-altering drugs so all she can do now is sit around and smile rabidly.

PM *sits there and smiles rabidly while muttering storyline ideas to herself*

Ryuuji: And how is this different from her everyday self?

Yami: I don't know, but the bottle _said that it would make the user calmer._

Ryou: Yami-kun, you're not supposed to give her the entire bottle. Overdoses can result in serious problems.

PM *starts drooling as she imagines gift-wrapped Yami*

Yami: O_O

Yami no Bakura: Mmmmmmm. *drags Yami off to strip him naked and wrap him in ribbons*

Ryou *sighs*: I tried to explain to him that this is a rated PG story… anyhow, this chapter takes place on Saturday and it's in my POV. And… I think that's it, right?

Ryuuji: How would I know?

PM *smiles prettily before having a NC-17 fantasy involving Ryuuji-kun in his birthday suit and covered in chocolate syrup and strawberries*

^.^ Many thanks to rayemars-san, as usual, for beta-reading. Additional thanks to Nephthys-san for helping me post this chapter. And of course, thanks to the readers: goddess of insanity and pauru (Ryou: I can ask people to make out with me when I'm not drunk… Ryuuji: That's cause you're a slut.), yukoma (^.^ Don't you know that the point of this story is to embarrass the snot out of poor widdle Ryou? :p), Fate (*grin* Glad to have amused you.), introspective-mortal (I didn't make him drunk… it's Honda's fault! *points finger accusingly at Honda, who bites PM's hand*), Wildwolf (Well, as I told somebody else… maybe I'll just paralyze him from the waist down), Lena (^.^ Thanks for the comments on Mami! And if you draw Meimi-chan and Seppen-chan… show me! Onegai?), Ashuri chan (Ryou: I AM NOT DRUNK!), Screwy Seven Number Four (I wanna see the picture….), Shamanic Guardian Lena (^.^ I have the power to make people pass out… next will be the poor person who tests my driving *cackle*.), Neko-baka-chan-chan (Yami no Bakura nice-ness… that sounds so wrong! :P And what would be the fun of letting Ryou stand up for himself? He's supposed to be a lump.), *i n c o h e r e n t* (Ryuuji: It was a perfectly logical response… Ryou: For a slut. Ryuuji: Which you are… Ryou: DAMN YOU!), Ishizu Sango Halliwell (^.^ Many possibilities indeed), fani90 (Seto: I thought you people were supposed to be on my side…. PM: Poor, dense Seto.), Mayhem's BrainChylde (I'm still amused by this PM-sama thing… I told my friends about it and they all started screaming in fear), loanshark (^.^ You'll find out in this chapter!), Erfaciel (Yami: *throws handcuffs, successfully chaining up the Black Magician before he can put Yuki through the shredder* Sorry. Using it now.), Azrael (^_^ This is supposed to be a happy story… Ryou: LIAR!), Bronze Eagle (*glomps* Missed you too! And… yes… poor Seto. Heehee… Seto: What are you laughing about? PM: Nothing.), MarmaladeGirl (mm… could you clarify on the criticism part? ^^;; Sorry, but I'm having problems understanding it…), Tuulikki (Yami no Bakura: I'm STUCK with a cute host?! Curse the fates! Why couldn't he be vicious?!), Ayrrie (Mmm… after this chapter, there are five more chapters…. That's a lot. *dies*), Teb Teb (:p I can't have too many seals fighting for competition, can I? *PM's 100+ stuffed seals glare*), LFangor (*waves Chaseshipping flag as well* Damn it people, write this coupling! *gets down on knees and begs*), Sailor Comet (She probably did… she probably took her tape recording of Seto's admittence of his guilt and went over it over… and over… and over again…. Just memorized it… made a speech… Got a crossbow with a pretty gold arrow that has Ryou's name on it… Mami: Thanks! PM: --;;), Dani (Seto: I don't want a kiss! I want a fu… PM *clamps hand over Seto's mouth*), Chibizoo (*likes your pampering!* ^.^ And the contest fic is… being written! *contest fic flops over dead* Uh….), Shenya (Ryou: I'm always sweet. Seto: Yeah right. Ryou *slap*), Ninetails (I am a godly entity… so now I will… *grabs Yami no Yuugi, knocks him out, and tatoos the words "Property of PM" on his ass* I feel much better now. *sits down and smirks* And plushie! Me wants a plushie! *glomp* Onegai?), Yami Bakura (actually, if my suspicions are correct… poor Ryou won't be thinking very well due to a brilliantly timed hangover), Tidbits (*whispers* You see… I steal these words. *shows you a box of words* But don't tell anyone, hear?), Dragon Wings (I guess that means I should put away the puppet swings… and just when I was going to have Ryuuji-kun do a strip dance. *sad sigh* And eep! Don't hit your head! I don't mind lateness… just as you get your review in before my next update day so I can thank you!), Sam Baku (^.^ Whaaaaaa?), and C.M Aeris Queen of Insanity (I'm scared of DDR…). ^_^ Thanks ever so much, minna!

Random Thought: My thank you's took over half a page….

~ Different Direction ~

        "Here," Otogi-kun hands me a cup of tea. I stare at it groggily before gulping it down, instantly regretting it as I remember the disaster that happened last night. Considering all that, I wouldn't be surprised if Otogi-kun put sleeping pills in my drink and 'accidentally' put enough to make me sleep until the end of the world.

        I would spit it all out except for the fact that I've spilled enough of my insides onto other people's carpets.

        It was much to my surprise when I woke up this morning with the biggest hangover in my life. I don't drink very often… I actually don't like the taste of alcohol. Plus, it doesn't help that I've been injected with just about every anti-alcohol propaganda that one could possibly think of.

        Thus, it was really quite surprising to discover that I had been drunk last night. And it didn't help that I was in a very unfamiliar setting, causing me to immediately wonder if I had finally received my comeuppance and that I had finally been condemned to hell.

        The theory seemed extremely plausible when my stomach finally rebelled despite my attempts to keep whatever it was that wanted to see daylight so badly… down. And it was while I was puking my guts out and cursing my stupidity that none other than Seto walked in.

        Walked in _just_ in time to see me throwing up on his previously immaculate and _white carpet. _

        I couldn't help but wince as I stare into his blue eyes, which are staring at the pretty brownish-green spot on the _white carpet. _White_ carpet. What type of person has a _white_ carpet? Don't people know that carpets are meant for __feet? Which means that they are going to get dirty? So why on earth would somebody want a _white_ carpet?!_

        "Gomen nasai," I whispered, despite the raging headache I was having. I felt ready to lie on my stomach and just _die, but I didn't want to because then Seto might get arrested for murder. And I've already caused him enough trouble._

        "The maid will clean it up."

        Well, then, I was sorry to the _maid. Not him, since I was causing trouble for the maid… not him. Never him._

        I am getting _so_ good at lying to myself….

        "Otogi is going to come by later to pick you up," he continued, barely audible. My stomach is starting to rumble again, and I turn away in case I need to hurl. Last I heard, it's easier to clean up bed sheets than it is to clean the carpet.

        And since those sheets were such an ugly color anyway….

        Seto must have noticed because next thing I knew, he was holding out a trash can to me. Very technologically advanced, but I didn't particularly care as long as I didn't have to throw up again onto the carpet. Although since she already needed to clean it, I might as well have.

        "Are you okay?"

        He looked so earnest when he asked me that. I looked up at him, blinking almost blindly as if I could not understand a single word he said but that's not true. I did understand what he said. And in a way, my heart couldn't help but flutter when I heard him say that.

        I wanted him to hold me again. He did that once, when I had a hangover. Yes, I've gotten hangovers before. Like I said, I don't get them often… but that doesn't mean I never have them. Although like this one, they usually aren't my fault! It's usually due to spiked drinks or just a decided lack of judgment… which doesn't mean that it's my fault, mind you.

        … Who am I kidding? Besides myself.

        Instead, I nodded, looking away. Memories were starting to flash back to me… memories such as me clinging to Seto asking him why he wouldn't kiss me. Well, no need to ask him that _now… not unless he wants the smell or taste of vomit on his lips, which is something even I would want to pass on._

        "You were looking pretty crappy yesterday."

        Well, thank you for that wonderful observation. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go and try to drown myself in the bathtub.

        "I don't suppose you want some sugar with that?" Otogi-kun's voice asks, snapping me back to oh-so-wonderful reality. I think I should go kill myself now.

        "Thanks but no thanks," I reply bitterly, especially when Mami-san's words started to ring through my head. It's amazing that I could remember her exact words when I've only listened to them once… but even now I can still hear them. So accusing and angry… and despite my desire for them never to affect my life, they've raised a shadow of doubt.

        _If he cared for you so much and still left you… how were any of us to stand a chance? How were you? He claims that he still loves you. The rules haven't changed. They never will. Society will not truly accept the two of you for what you want to be because it's wrong._

_        He told me that all of this is his fault. And now he's trying to make it up to you again. But he'll never be able to make it up to you, will he? For the rest of your life, you're going to have that little nagging thought… wondering. Always wondering. Will this happen again? Will I wake up again only to discover he is gone? And at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that._

        I bite my lip as I take a sip of the revolting concoction that Otogi-kun has brewed up. Although I suppose I can't really blame him… my taste buds seem to malfunction when I'm hung over and just about everything tastes horrible… including my favorite foods. Jyounouchi-kun likes to tell me that if I ever want to go on a diet, I should just drink a lot because then I can't eat when I'm hungover.

        I think I would have strangled him if Mai-san hadn't beat me to the punch.

        Literally.

        "Something happen again?"

        I scowl, something that is not a good idea with a headache, "You speak of this as if it is a common occurrence."

        "Ever since that time the two of us got kidnapped because somebody wanted your 'boyfriend' to break a contract, I cannot be surprised if it involves you. Besides, I saw that woman talking to you. I don't suppose you want to share with the class what she said?"

        "Not in particular, Otogi-kun. It's bad enough knowing it myself."

        "You know, they say that telling somebody sometimes relieves stress."

        "Except right now, talking is causing me stress. So I would be extremely grateful if you just let me wallow in self-pity _silently," I grit back._

        This headache must be affecting me more than I ever could have suspected. This type of behavior really does not suit me… but at the same time I don't really want to do anything about it. Probably I'm just too tired to do anything about it… but that's really the same thing.

        No wonder Seto broke up with me. I must be a total embarrassment to his life.

        "Haven't you done enough of that already?" Otogi-kun rolls his eyes. "After all, you have just spent eight years devoted to self-pity. Anymore time and you'll be drowning in your big crocodile tears."

        I scowl bitterly… what's his point? So what if I have been pitying myself for eight years? The only thing that means is that a couple more days won't hurt anyone.

        Except me.

~ * ~

        I spent most of the day sleeping and avoiding people… a task that wasn't too difficult since Otogi-kun was busy cleaning. _Cleaning. It never occurred to me that Otogi-kun knew how to clean but I suppose that explains why the apartment is immaculate rather than looking like a pigsty. I probably dismissed it because I know that Otogi-kun has more than enough money to afford a cleaner to come every week… but much to my surprise, it is Otogi-kun who keeps the place neat. I can't help but be fascinated by the concept of a feather-duster wielding Otogi-kun, although I would never tell him that since he would probably come after me with the before-mentioned cleaning tool and… I don't know; maybe he would tickle me to death._

        People sometimes wonder why tickling is used as a weapon of torture… but I of all people know how dangerous that seemingly 'innocent' activity can be. Back when I was still living in a dorm at university, the two of us would go through long periods of time without getting to see each other. This resulted in Seto thinking of insane ways of making me feel 'loved' when we finally got to see each other again.

        One of those times involved a rather embarrassing episode where Seto blindfolded me, tied me to a chair, and alternated between tickling and kissing. This in itself wasn't that embarrassing… but since he blindfolded me, I didn't know it was him and started screaming when he first started tickling me.

        This, of course, immediately caught Jyounouchi-kun's attention. And so he ran into the room, screeching bloody murder… and next thing I know Seto is nearly being hauled off by guys decrying rape.

        Luckily, the misunderstanding was cleaned up… but since then, Seto knew never to tickle me again. Which is probably a good thing… especially since I don't like tickling anyway.

        "Bakura-kun! Phone!"

        I groan, as this is definitely not a good time for me to be talking even though my hangover is _finally_ starting to go away, and yell back, "Otogi-kun… please tell whoever it is that I'm dead. Onegai?"

        "If I tell him that, Bakura-kun, Kaiba will have my skin for letting you die. And I'll let you know right now that Hiroto happens to like me with my skin. He says that it makes sex much easier."

        Oh god, Otogi-kun… that is just so… so… let me put it this way. I _so_ did _not need to hear that! And speaking of which… oh no. If I understand what Otogi-kun said before the sex thing correctly…._

        I immediately blanche before burying my head into the pillow.

        "I don't want to talk to him right now, Otogi-kun." My voice comes out to be rather muffled, but I have a feeling that Otogi-kun will be able to understand regardless.

        "And you want me to tell him that?"

        I glare at the door, hoping that my silence will convey the message of my silent glare. I'm not sure if it works (actually, it never works for me)… but after a brief moment of silence, Otogi-kun shrugs and goes back to the phone conversation, "He's still hungover, Kaiba. Want me to have him call you back?"

        "NO!"

        No, I don't want to see Seto right now. I don't know why but… it's just that everything about him is confusing me right now! And what Mami-san said certainly didn't help. This entire vacation has been a mess and has done nothing more than add more stress to my life, which I think is the opposite affect of what it is supposed to do.

        It's so _odd_. I was really starting to enjoy his company during Meimi-chan's party and… who am I kidding? I always enjoyed his company. Even though he frustrates me so much at times, I loved being with him. I _loved_ him. And even when I read that note on my pillow… I didn't hate him. I just… just….

        "He wants to know if you mind meeting him at the bridge in two hours."

        After he commented on my appearance this morning, we didn't exchange anymore words. I don't quite know what happened… it's just that one moment he was there and the next he was gone and Otogi-kun was asking me if I would be all right walking to the front door. I didn't see him once… which might not really be saying much since I couldn't even see straight. But I didn't sense his presence. And I know I'm not psychic or anything but I can usually feel when he is close to me. It's just something that I've picked up over the four years or so that we were together, and it served me well at times.

        Except the tickling incident, of course….

        "Yes, I do mind," I finally reply as I lay back in bed, closing my eyes in an attempt to end this pounding in my head. It's four in the afternoon and I still feel bad. It's been so long since I've had a hangover that I'm not sure if this is supposed to happen or not. Maybe emotional problems prolong the effects of a hangover.

        "Kaiba is going to be upset if I tell him that."

        I don't even open my eyes as I shout back as gently as I can so as not to give myself another headache as the effects really are starting to go away, "I don't care."

        "Ah," Otogi-kun replies sagely before replying into the phone, "… Kaiba? Yeah, he'll be there."

        "_Otogi-kun!_" I screech as I sit up quickly, a combined movement that makes my head spin.

        "Did you say something Bakura-kun?"

        I just groan and slump back into bed. And Otogi-kun continues to speak to Kaiba without a care in the world. Ooh, I'm going to shave him bald later….

        "No, I won't let him go alone. We'll take the train. Yes, I'll leave you two alone when we get there. Yes, I'm sure we don't need the car and driver, although it's quite nice of you to offer. Hey, just because I make enough money to afford these things doesn't mean I need them. I am _not cheap! That's it, I'm hanging up on you now. No, I'm not lying. For crying out loud."_

        I wince as the phone is slammed on the hook, and several minutes Otogi-kun pops his head back into the room. And for one crazy, fleeting moment… I wonder if it would be a crime to strangle him with his head band.

        Anyhow, I'm sure I could justify it as killing in self-defense.

        "We'll be leaving in an hour and a half. I don't suppose you'll be over your hangover by then, will you?"

        "Otogi-kun… please come a little closer so I can kill you."

        "You sound fine already. That's good," Otogi-kun announces through the door. I can just see a devious smirk on his face, complete with manipulative eyes and a bonus hair-playing for free. "I better call Hiroto to inform him of this little engagement."

        "I really do hate you sometimes, Otogi-kun."

        "I'll remember that the next time you want a favor, Bakura-kun."

~ * ~

        Seto isn't there by the time I get to the bridge, but I guess I am a bit early. Otogi-kun took off for the café near the park, leaving me here to face Seto by myself. I haven't been this nervous since that time Seto took me to the Angel Wings restaurant and explained to me why everything happened….

        I bite my lip as I sit down on the wood, allowing my legs to dangle over the water. Maybe if I'm lucky, a fish will pop out and eat me. Yes, I do think I like that idea right now… it's an excellent way of avoiding my problems at least.

        _Perhaps if you had learned to concentrate on how to solve the problem rather than how to run away from it, you wouldn't be in this mess?_ Yami Bakura points out simply.

        Well, who asked him?

        _Well, you are obviously incompetent and unable to take care of your own life. And since you will no longer allow the shinkan _[1]_ to do it for you, I suppose that I must take some responsibility in your life. Just enough to keep you from getting killed, of course. Can't seem like I might be getting fond of you._

        Am I really so incapable that I need somebody taking care of me?

        A snort… of amusement, it seems. I can't help but turn a bit red… is he finding me amusing? Excuse me, but what exactly _is so amusing? I know I can be clumsy and whiny…_

        _Understatement._

        … But that does _not_ mean I'm _funny_!

        _Actually, it does. And to answer your previous question… let me put it this way, yadonushi. I could not have said it better myself._

        "Damn you!" I yell out loud, despite myself. My cheeks are bright red now and I swear that headache is trying to come back again.

        "Ryou?"

        If it wasn't for the handhold supporter (at least, I think that's what they're called)… thingies, I would have fallen into the water. As it is, I smack my head against the railing as I jerk from the sudden voice. "Itai…. [2]"

        _See? That's funny._

        _Dama re!_ [3]

        _It's a bit too late for that, isn't it?_

        I grit my teeth as warm hands pull me up gently, helping me lean against the railing. My head is still spinning, and I stare at all six of my helpers… that's only five too many. I must be okay.

        "You need to stop making a habit out of this," Seto murmurs as he continues to hold me still and to keep me from swaying back and forth. "It's not healthy for you."

        I quickly bite my lip in fear of letting something else escape… like another loud 'Damn you!' that would only serve to make my Yami laugh harder and annoy Seto. At least, I think it will annoy Seto. It's hard to tell with him these days… he tends to be quite erratic when it comes to reactions.

        "This is not a habit," I finally mutter as I finally manage to steady myself. "Despite what some people think, I do not enjoy hitting my head."

        Seto smirks. I glower as I continue to rub the sore spot on my forehead. Maybe that's why Yami no Malik goes for the glowing eye look… perhaps he has an ugly bruise there and the eye hides it.

        Or maybe I've just lost it again.

        … Yeah. I think that's a good explanation.

        "I know that."

        I can't help but start slightly at his words, which are soft and gentle. Loving.

        Deceptive.

        I hate to think that Mami-san's words have affected me much more than they should have… but I can't help but feel that she has a point. Even though I know that this was _precisely_ her intention, it's as if I can't think of anything else as I stare at Seto right now.

        If he still loves me, why did he do the things he did?

        On a subconscious level, I suppose I can understand his motives. After all, he is the owner of a multimillionaire or billionaire or _whatever corporation… and he needs to keep up his appearances. But why couldn't he think of that __before he decided to get involved with me?_

        Some people think that there is only one true love out there. I don't know if I support that view or not, but I can't help but wonder about would have happened if we had never gotten together. Would I have found somebody else and be free of all these worrisome questions right now?

        Or would I just be by myself, wondering what went wrong with my life?

        If that is the case, I don't know which reality would be better. Some people say that to have love and happiness for a short time is better than never having it. But how can that be true? Could a short period followed by the rest of forever agonizing over its loss truly be better than going through life never knowing what you missed?

        And just when I'm about to say 'no' to that question… I think about all those things that made my time with Seto special. So many things… a lot of them were small but the memories have lasted to this day.

        Thinking about all these things, I know that I will never be able to answer that question in a way that can satisfy me.

~ * ~

        We stand there in awkward silence, waiting for the other to speak. Or at least, I think that's what we are doing. I mean, who knows? I don't know what he's thinking. I mean, I know what I'm thinking… although there has been some debate about that….

        "You keep telling me that it isn't a good time to talk about us," his words are spoken carefully and precisely, as if he doesn't want to waste a single word. "But I was hoping that maybe this time, it is."

        I freeze.

        I expected this… really I did. But expectations can never stand up to reality.

        "Seto…."

        He cuts me off, "No. Please listen to me this time. Listen, and then you can say something. All right?"

        Do I have any other choice? If I say no, I'll sound like I'm' having a temper tantrum. If I say yes… well, I can't say yes. He told me not to talk.

        Finally, lamely… I just nod.

        "Thank you."

        I wait. Quite impatiently, I might add, but I somehow manage to keep a semblance of composure on my face. Of course, I could have a horrific look on my face right now yet still _think_ that I look calm because beliefs are what ultimately direct our thinking patterns. So as long as I believe that I look calm… I am calm. To myself, at least.

        Or something like that.

        Now that he's gotten my attention, there is a pained expression on Seto's face… almost as if he doesn't know what to do. I can relate… how many times have I needed to say something important only to realize that I didn't know how to say it? It's a horrible situation, if you ask me… but it's one that I suppose we have all come to live with.

        "I know I hurt you very much. And I know you have every right to not want anything to do with me because of it. But I still have to try.

        "I made a mistake when I gave up everything we had because of the pressure. I know I made a mistake and I know that it is going to be very difficult for me to make it up to you.

        "By doing what I did, I screwed up. I screwed up, and I realize that. But what I did made you unhappy for over eight years, and I realized that as soon as I saw you at that department store with Meimi. You looked so happy with Meimi but then you saw me and I realized exactly how much I hurt you.

        "Ryou…" there is a pause and I can only stare at him in anticipation of what he has to say. "I just want to make you happy again."

        Silence. Dead, deafening silence that I can barely stand. And the only thing that runs through my head is a constant wonder of whether or not this is really happening.

        Part of me can't help but think… is this really enough? Or is it too little too late?

        And with sudden, heart-stopping clarity, I finally open my mouth to speak.

        "Seto…" I can't help but choke on that word, especially with the realization that I will never be able to take back what I say. "None… none of this really makes a difference, does it?"

        "Why not?" Seto looks slightly annoyed but I don't really think I can blame him.

        I breathe in slowly, and then allow myself to speak.

        "I'm going back to America, Seto. And when I do, it will be like none of this ever happened. And if none of this ever happened, what's the point of trying to regain something that we both loved but could never retain?"

        "That's not the point!"

        "Isn't it?" I feel ready to cry again but I manage to not choke on the words that come next. "Maybe… eight years ago, I wouldn't be questioning this. But that was eight years ago. That's a different time and it matters now."

        "It never mattered before. Why does it matter now?"

        "It matters because that is why we broke up… so if you're asking me why it matters now, I can only ask you why it mattered eight years ago. And why, when that mattered so much before… why doesn't it matter at all anymore? What changed you throughout all these years to make you suddenly decide that it _doesn't_ matter?

        "That's the problem, Seto. Don't you see? You were right in breaking us up and it would be wrong for us to think that we can get beyond all of that again. You saw what happened before. If we try again, we'll just be risking all of it again."

        "Look," Seto tries to look calm but anyone can tell by the fire in his eyes that he is anything but calm, "… I know you were talking to Mami. I know she said some things to you but that doesn't mean what she said was true. You can't listen to her on this. She isn't right."

        I tilt my head slightly, so that I'm looking at Seto from an angle. I don't know why I'm doing it, but it's as if I'm getting a different perspective of him. He sounds so pleading. So… helpless.

        He sounds so truthful.

        "No," my word comes out so softly that it's barely audible. "Even if she hadn't spoken to me, we might still be in the same exact position saying the same exact words. Except this time, she wouldn't be a part of it. Don't you see, Seto? It's not because of what she said to me. Not entirely. It's because of what you _did_."

        "I made a mistake. And I realize that. But we can't let that rule our lives."

        "But what if we're making the same exact mistake again? Nothing has changed, Seto. We might pretend that it did but that doesn't mean reality will become what we want it to be. What about Meimi-chan? She might not think of it right now, but what happens when the kids at school laugh at her because she goes up to say that her mommy is a divorcee, her father is a rich businessman, and her _other_ father is a… a… it doesn't matter what I am by that point, it's what they have already heard. We laughed about it in the past when we went to the shelter to help Michelle-san out with the kids… but in reality, what would happen? You already proved to me that it could never work out. And what I have seen and heard has only served to affirm it.

        "I still love you, of course. And if this was under any different circumstances, I would be grateful to just jump back into your arms and pretend that nothing in the past happened. But it doesn't work out that way. I said it before already… I'm going back to America. You're going to go home to Meimi-chan. And within a few weeks, it's not going to matter. We'll both move on with our lives and maybe we'll look back at this with some regret but in the end we'll know that we're right."

        "No." His voice is flat and his eyes are hard as he suddenly grabs my arm with a grip so tight that it brings tears to my eyes. "You listen to me, Ryou. Please."

        His grip lessens slightly but it still hurts. I swallow and stare at him, half in fear and half in awe or the man standing before me with such intensity radiating from him.

        "A lot of what you said was right. I admit that you are right on a lot of these things. This isn't about what Mami said to you. This isn't about correcting a mistake. It's not that easy. You're right, it's never going to be easy. But you're wrong about all of this being right.

        "Think about it! If this was right… if we were never meant to be together, why does it hurt so much when we aren't together? Why did I keep thinking about you, and why did you keep thinking about me? If all of this was so damn _wrong_, why is it that outside of Mokuba and now Meimi, the only person who could make me truly happy was you?"

        I look at him, slowly. As if I don't want to admit to myself what I am about to face.

        And as gently as I can… as _sincerely as I can… I say, "Good-bye, Seto."_

        He is so shocked that he lets go of my arm, and I take the opportunity to walk away. Not run, mind you. _Walk. And if any part of me screamed out that I wanted him to follow me… he didn't hear it. He just stood there, watching as I walked away. Kinda like those movies where the protagonist walks out 'into the sunset' or some crap like that._

        Crap… I never curse like this. I usually try to refrain from it. But I just realized… or perhaps I just allowed myself to acknowledge something that I have known for a very, very long time… that all those fairy tales and romantic stories and all those other lies and deceptions were nothing more than just… that. Crap.

        His questions keep running through my mind, but I can't answer any of them. In a way, I know that I will never be able to answer any of them.

        But that doesn't really matter anymore, does it?

~ * ~

        By the time I walk over to where Otogi-kun is waiting for me, I've calmed down enough so that I no longer look like I'm having a nervous breakdown. Instead, I just look as if I've gone to heaven and returned by a train going approximately two hundred miles an hour… whilst strapped to the frigging front of it.

        As usual, my mind isn't helping matters at _all. Instead, it decides to scream… a long, deafening scream that is so incoherent that I can barely __think. I can only wonder on how I managed to make my way to the café, and then how I managed to find where Otogi-kun is sitting._

        Speaking of Otogi-kun, he is sitting at a table in the back of the restaurant, watching me above a book about Death gaining a personality [4]. I bought it for him in America, on the recommendation of a good friend of mine. I read it myself and personally found it very interesting… and depressing because it reminded me so much of Seto. The concept of somebody who seems so emotionless gaining a personality as you came to know him… the similarity is striking. Although that's probably just me, of course. Poor, obsessive little me.

        Before Otogi-kun can open his mouth to say absolutely anything, I cut him off, "I want to go back home."

        There is a long silence before Otogi-kun clears his throat and looks at me as if I'm completely off the rocker. Which, I will kindly remind the world, I am _not._ "Do you mind repeating that for me again?"

        "Yes, I do mind. But just for you, I will say it one more time. I want to go back to America."

        My, I sure seem to be mildly sarcastic today.

        He looks nonplused, and I have this extreme urge to beat him on the head with the silverware. "You will be doing that, Bakura-kun. It's only one more week."

        "I don't care. I'm not staying here for one more day. I want to _go_," I repeat for the third time. And apparently third time is the charm because it finally seems to sink into Otogi-kun's mind that I am _serious._ Although I don't know why he would doubt me in the first place. Why do people like to think I'm kidding? I rarely joke and I'm not very good at it… yet people never seem to take me seriously! They always make me repeat myself, as if they think that if I do, my words will suddenly change and everything will become better.

        Well, frankly… I'm not going to change my mind this time. I have no reason to. I've stayed here long enough and if they really want to see me, they can come to America to visit. Heck, I'll even pay for the tickets and hotels if that is the problem. I'll pay for everyone. Except him. Not him. I don't want anything to do with him anymore.

        It just _hurts_ too much now.

        "Why?"

        My mind comes to an abrupt halt. Even the screaming has paused momentarily, something that I am extremely grateful for. And I can do nothing but stare at him as if he's been taking psycho drugs as well as inhaling laughing gas. It wouldn't surprise me the least if he suddenly started doing the chicken dance right about now.

        "Why what?" I ask, my mouth dry.

        He shrugs, "Don't be ridiculous, Bakura-kun. This isn't something you even _considered_ until about fifteen minutes ago… at the most. So your memory can't be that bad. And although I don't want to repeat myself, I am going to for your benefit. Why do you suddenly want to return to America?"

        I blink, but I don't know if I will be able to explain it to him.

        This place… Domino… it scares me so much. I had this fear before, when on the plane trip here… but Yuugi-kun and Otogi-kun and all the others helped me get rid of it.

        But it's not working anymore. Maybe it never worked, since I couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe I will spend the rest of my life mulling over something that was never meant to be.

_         If all of this was so damn wrong__, why is it that outside of Mokuba and now Meimi, the only person who could make me truly happy was you?_

        Seto… I don't know the answer to the question. I can't explain it… in a way, I can only hope that you will accept it and move on with your life. I've been _trying_ to do that, yet life keeps springing unwanted temptations and problems which have done nothing but give me a perpetual headache.

        Like this entire trip. Like the department store. Like Meimi-chan.

        Like you.

        "I understand," Otogi-kun suddenly murmurs, and I blink at him dazedly. Understand what, exactly? I didn't even say anything, did I? So what on earth is he understanding?

        Why are there so many unanswered questions? Why can't I seem to get my act together? It's like everything is spinning out of my control, but some would argue that I never had any control in the first place. And I can't tell whether they are right or not. I have a feeling that they are, but no one wants to admit those types of things to himself. People always talk about being honest to oneself, etc., but how often does that apply to real life? If we were honest with ourselves… a quality that we usually seem to lack… how long would anyone last under such pressure?

        There's a reason why we lie to ourselves, although we don't want to admit it. It's just that it's sometimes easier to believe a little white lie then confront the truth about our lives.

        I suppose my silence signals to Otogi-kun that I am not going to be speaking anymore. Considering I am really in no position to be saying anything, since I have the feeling that it is Otogi-kun's turn to say something.

        "Are you sure you want to do this?" he abruptly asks… almost hesitantly. As if he is unsure that he wants to ask, something that surprises me about Otogi-kun. He usually seems so confident… so sure of himself. It's odd to see him slightly at unease, no matter what the situation.

        I choose to answer him with a level stare and a sad smile. And it seems that is all I can really say right now, without completely losing what's left of my sanity.

        Not to imply that I ever had any in the first place.

        "Because if you're going to do this… you better be sure. Because it's not always possible to change the long-term effects of a previous action. And it's best not to do anything you're going to regret a lot."

        I sigh, "I just want this to end, Otogi-kun. I don't want to deal with this anymore."

        "You can't always escape your problems."

        "I know that," I reply gently. "But I can this time, and I intend on using this opportunity. For once."

        Otogi-kun looks sad, something that should shock me. But in a way, I'm still reeling from everything that has happened today… so I don't look or feel any more shocked than I already am.

        "You know… I was really hoping that you two would be able to get back together again. I would never tell Kaiba this, of course… but he was so happy when you were around. Even Meimi hasn't completely filled the gap yet. And I think you would be a lot happier if you allowed yourself to. But you haven't, and you don't seem to want to. I don't know why, but you seem absolutely determined to spend the rest of your life as a depressed spinster. And even though people have been trying to get you over yourself and all your uncertainties… you won't admit that you would be much happier if you took him up on his offer. He's trying… and you can see that. How could anyone not? You can see that he's trying so hard to make it up to you but you won't let him. You're so scared and you're holding yourself back from something that you really want. And now you're going to run away from it. But if you do, are you ever going to be happy again? Or are you going to spend the rest of your life regretting what you did?"

        "That's my problem, Otogi-kun," I try to keep my words as emotionless as possible… but I know deep inside that the only thing I would have fooled is an inanimate object. And _that_ is being generous. "Not yours. It never was yours. Or Emi-chan's. Or Mokuba's. Or oniisan's and Erika-san's. It's my problem, and I intend on facing it by myself. For once."

        "You're sure?"

        "Yes."

        Otogi-kun sighs, as if in defeat. "Then we better get home, huh? Hiroto should be home and he can drive you to Domino airport. I'll call the airport and see what I can do about switching your plane tickets…."

~ * ~

        I was still packing when Honda-kun came home, and Otogi-kun was able to keep him off my back. I don't know what they said to each other, but I was also a bit too preoccupied to care.

        To say the least, Honda-kun was not the bit pleased with my decision, but somehow Otogi-kun managed to convince him that it was for the best. I have no idea how he managed that considering how unhappy he was with my decision… but I don't take the time to question small miracles anymore.

        Otogi-kun also kept his promise about looking for plane tickets. Another thing I have no idea how he managed to get… but he somehow managed to switch my tickets for one departing in about… oh, fifteen minutes.

        The car trip to the airport was nerve-rackingly quiet, and I couldn't help but spend the entire time wondering what Seto would think when he found out. If he found out.

        Although it seems odd… part of me really does believe that it's all going to be over as soon as I'm in a different country. And that's probably a good thing because it's the only thing that keeps me sitting in this seat. Much to my disconcertment, I'm sitting next to a happy couple.

        Again affirming the fact that somebody hates me very much for what I am doing.

        Honda-kun and Otogi-kun had softened by the time we reached the airport, although they never agreed with me that it was the right thing to do. But I suppose that would be asking for too much….

        Security was tight so they weren't able to accompany me to the gate, so we said our good-bye's at the reception area. I promised to keep better contact with them once I got back to America, and even brought up the possibility of them and Yuugi-tachi visiting after a couple of months or so.

        I have a feeling that it will only be a possibility though.

        They're not happy with me, and I can't say that I blame them. I'm not really happy with myself.

        So why am I doing this?

Notes:

[1] Kinda like a priest… the title of Yami no Yuugi's priests back in Egypt. So instead of simply being Seto, for example, Seto would be known as Shinkan Seto.

[2] Ouch; painful

[3] Don't say anything!

[4] Specifically, Mort by Terry Pratchett. XD I read the book for English class and I must say that it's one of the most amusing books I have ever read.

PM *blinks, sweatdrops, shrieks, and flees*: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Seto: You're DEAD, PM! DEAD I TELL YOU!

PM: *whimper* Help… help meeeeeee. *finally distracts Seto by throwing an inflatable Ryou doll at him, running into a closet, and magically locking it* Ah… minna. ^^;;; Uh… just to inform you, I might not be able to update for the next two weeks. It's just that my grade completely depends on the tests in the next two weeks, so I might be shirking my duties to study… I'm not saying that I definitely will be not updating. I'm just warning you. ^_^;;;;;

*long silence*

PM: Sorry?

Seto: DEAD I TELL YOU!

PM *whimper…*

Pikachumaniac


	11. Flight

Disclaimer: Well, why not? *puffs chest up proudly… and gets tackled by thirty-eight lawyers*

Look the Other Way

Yuki: =^_^=

(Translation: Since PM-chan is in hiding, here are the notes for this chapter.)

Yuki: =^_^=

(Translation: This chapter takes place on Sunday.)

Yuki: =^_^=

(Translation: It is entirely in Seto-sama's POV.)

Yuki: =^_^=

(Translation: There are, including this chapter, four more chapters of this story.)

Yuki: =^_^=

(Translation: Enjoy, mina-sama!)

Yami: Why are you calling him 'Seto-sama'? I thought you knew better.

Yuki: =^_^=

(Translation: Hee!)

        First of all, I must thank everyone for their patience. I realize that it was rather… um… evil of me to leave off there, but I just had to concentrate on my grades. And it really paid off. I got my first straight-A report card and my parents are finally off my back….

        Anyhow, then there are the usual thank you's. Many thanks to rayemars-san for her beta-reading, and of course… the dreaded paragraph!

        Thanks to Bronze Eagle (^_^ Hope you did well on your final projects!), Steph-hime (Fluff… umm… *smiles sheepishly* Oops?), LFangor (*makes a little Chaseshipping flag and waves it all around…* Whee!), Ninetails (*hug* Thanks for the plushies! *steals back the Ryuuji doll and has him do a little strip dance for Seto and Honda plushies* Whee! ^.^), Shamanic Guardian Lena (*grins* About ten? *gets smacked by Neko-baka-chan-chan's FPoD), Shenya (Supposedly, it's a concept called cliffhangers… Terry Brooks does it a LOT and makes me wait for about eight months to find out what happens. *FROTH and stalks author* I wanna know what happened to my favorite character, damn it!), yukoma (*nods* He isssss… *hugs Death*), Wildwolf (BakaKaiba and now BakaRyou… you better be careful of BakaCharacters are going to be coming after us! *gets dragged away by BakaYami* KYAAAAA!), *i n c o h e r e n t* (Yami no Bakura *preens*: See? I am funny? PM: *backs away* Just because you're funny doesn't mean you get to ask me if you cause my small intestines for playing jump rope!!), Ishizu Sango Halliwell (Ryou: Poor Seto? What about ME?! PM: You're the one who's leaving…), dani (How could I? Well… *grins* I got it in my head, and then I typed it… and then… *gets knocked unconscious by Ryuuji*), fani90 (*pout* But after this story, I have other ones! *waves stories in front of your face* You do not want Seto to kill meeeeeeee…), Ashrui chan (*gives you a bandaid in case you have bruises… a bandaid with little chibi Ryou's and Seto's), loanshark (XD I ended it like that deliberately to cause you all pain… *cackles before choking and collapsing*), AmunRa (*ruffles Mami's hair* Don't worry… I'll introduce her to a conscience sooner or later… *grin*), shini-kuma (Aww… *hands you a tissue), Shetan (*stares blankly at the note ashes before whimpering* Help…), C.M Aeris Queen of Insanity (XD *veryyyyy amused*), Angel-Belle (:P I hope I don't dissapoint on my tests… I might actually get an A in English! *crosses fingers*), ChildofMidnight (I like long reviews. *grin* Share, share! *plops down on ground with chibi eyes*), cheesepuff (Ryou: I am not difficult! *LOUD COUGHS*), TidBits (XD It's called irony… I think? :P), pondogirl (Don't worry, it's not the end! Still have 4 more chapters including this one to go! Plenty of time to kill someone off… uh… I mean get them back together!), Screwy Seven Number Four (What's an IRL? ^^;;; Sorry… my brain is kaput…), Blondie the Black Sheep (Ryou doesn't look as good with bruises… XD Now ribbons though…), Sam Bakura (Who is this therapy for? Ryou or me? XD I think I need it…), The Evil Laugh (Yeah… the drink killed off his mental facilities. I tried to tell myself that Ryou's been thinking about this for a while… 'course, I'm probably lying but I'm just gonna pretend anyway. XD And don't say you can't write! That's negative thinking!), rachiru-rebonu (^^;; Gomen, gomen! I hope this makes up for the wait…), treana (^_^ They'll get together sooner or later… promise!), and Fate (Sadist you say? XD) for their reviews! *hug*

        A note… I lost about four reviews (I don't know how…), so I apologize to those people. ::^_^:: And a side note to Neko-baka-chan-chan… where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu? *poke pester* XD

~ Flight ~

        "… Seto?"

        "Mami," I growl softly as I tighten my grip on her wrist. "We need to talk."

        "There is nothing to talk about," she hisses as she tries to wrench her arm away. But I hold her firmly, and I am not willing to let her get away from this. I am not going to let her do this to Ryou without some type of dire consequence. Dire consequence that goes something along the lines of a slow, extremely painful death.

        "There is a lot to talk about. Now do you want to do this voluntarily or am I going to have to drag you to my car?"

        "I could scream," she threatens, but the threat is weak. There is already defeat in her green eyes… I know her much too well not to see it.

        "Look," I take a deep breath as I try to be patient. Try being the key word, especially since I have a feeling that I am going to fail. "I just want to know what you did to Ryou."

        The defeat is immediately replaced by a new emotion: anger. Again, she pulls away and I let her, satisfied that she isn't going to be going anywhere. That is simply the type of person she is… unable to resist temptation. Temptation, in this case, of finally being able to get back at me for everything I have done for her.

        A part of me does indeed understand that what I did to her was wrong. But the rest of me is constantly reminding that part of her _voluntary_ involvement in this situation, so I cannot blame myself. Well, I rarely do anyway… but it is a source of back-up in case my mind decides to malfunction and drop some unneeded guilt into my lap.

        "I did nothing to him that hasn't already been done to him by you," she snaps as she points a finger at my face. It is supposed to be threatening, but from her it is usually nothing more than comical. Comical in a pathetic way, of course. And even though I have already told her that, she still doesn't stop doing it.

        "I'm not in the mood for jokes, Mami," I growl. "What kind of answer is that?"

        She smiles, a sardonic little smile that I want to rip off her face.

        "It's the truthful answer, Seto." There is a pause as she prepares for her next attack. I should stop her, but at the same time I'm interested in what she is going to say. Interested in what excuses she so desperately wants to spoon feed me with.

        "I told him the truth."

        I lose my temper before I can control myself, "What the hell are you talking about?! You did not do any such thing… how could you possibly have told him the truth?!"

        "I told the only truth that you've been too blind to see!" she snaps back, her voice loud and very much high-pitched. It makes me want to cringe but I somehow control myself.

        She stands there, her green eyes full of hate and anger. The way she looks at me reminds me suspiciously of the way I tend to look at her, and I cannot help but be mildly surprised that I dislike the feeling greatly.

        "And what was the _truth, pray tell?" I ask sarcastically as soon as we are both calm enough to continue._

        She fixes me with a look of pure surprise, "Haven't you figured it out yet, Seto?"

        "If I had known the answer all along, would I be wasting my brain cells and breath to be asking you what it is?" I practically bark back, somewhat like a rabid dog.

        "And to think that I used to believe that you spoke to me because you liked the sound of my melodious voice," she quips back as her hands smooth out the wrinkles of her skirt.

        "Save the sarcasm, will you? I asked you a question and I don't need a fifteen hour laughfest or lecture. All I want to know is what you said so we can go back to having our own lives."

        "And why do you even care?" Mami shoots back. "You could never be bothered to see me after the divorce; I always had to come to you! Why do you care what I have to say now?"

        "Because it affects me. It affected somebody I love. Why can't you understand that your actions have consequences for people other than yourself? You hurt him, and I would just like to know what you said that made him this way!"

        "So you only care about me when I affect you. Funny… it's a really good incentive to making me want to speak to you, Seto."

        "I'm not offering you a choice."

        "Oh, like that ever worked." Her lip curls back in an ugly sneer, and I really wonder what could possibly have possessed me to marry this demon. Except, I already know that answer….

        I just don't like it.

        "I told him that he didn't have a chance of getting back together with you."

        "_What?!"_

        She glares at me, "As if that is any big secret."

        "You told him that I would never get back together with him. You told him even though I have been waiting so long in order to tell him that I wished none of this ever happened? You—"

        "Oh, I told him something that he already knew. I told him something that I already knew, that he already knew, that _everybody_ already knew except for you. I told him the truth and the reason why you won't accept it is because you won't look beyond your nose and see what's been staring at you in the face.

        "You left him, Seto. You caused all of this. You had a choice, and you made it. You tell me that I have to live with the consequences of my actions? What do you think I've been doing every day of my life since you left! I've been living with the consequences of my absolute stupidity in ever agreeing to marry you. And that's what you have been doing to yourself… and him. You've both been living with what happened because of _your_ decision. You can't blame that on anyone else, Seto. You can't turn around and say that somebody made you do it because nobody _made_ you do it. Nobody _told_ you that you had to break up with him. That is nothing more than a figment of your overactive imagination that you would like to blame on the whole world. Well, guess what? You can't do that anymore.

        "So there's no point in blaming me for what you have caused, Seto."

        Silence follows her last statement, and I can only stare at her in awe of her… something. It's as if she has completely overwhelmed me and I cannot do anything about it.

        I hate feeling this way. I _never_ feel this way.

        ….

        Is this how you feel, Ryou?

        It's not surprising that the first thing my mind should fall upon is my white-haired koi, especially since I have always lectured you about being so submissive to the wills of others. It's one of the things that drew me to you… this need to modify that so that you could stand up for yourself for a change. So that you could be your own person.

        But now that you're finally doing that… finally asserting your own will… why is it that the only thing I want to do is hold you back so that you will stay here with me?

        "Do you remember… when I asked you to agree that all of this was your fault?" she suddenly asks, very softly.

        I don't hesitate in my reply, "Yes."

        After all, what is the point of lying about something that we both know the answer to? There really is no point, and I'm not going to waste my time playing games. Especially with Okajima Mami.

        I have the suspicion that it is already too late for that though.

        "Do you know why I asked you that?"

        "Am I supposed to?" I bite back.

        "Yes," Mami scowls angrily. "You should. Sometimes, you make me believe that maybe you acknowledge the fact that you are responsible for everything that has happened. Sometimes, you fool me enough to entertain the possibility that you are trying to make up for what you have done. But then you just open your mouth and everything goes flying out the window like throwing a rock at a bird.

        "It's your fault any of this happened, and it's going to be your fault when it happens again. So what if I was trying to warn him? Sure, I was doing it out of spite, out of hate and jealousy. I'm fine admitting that I hate him, that I'm jealous of him, that I wish he could go to hell and stop bothering me. Apparently, being in America isn't far enough away, so maybe he has to drop off the face of this planet before you stop thinking about him. But it'd probably be easier to just brainwash you into never thinking about him for all the good that being on a different continent does to you. But just because I hate him doesn't mean that I wasn't trying to warn him too. Warning him was probably the best thing I could have done for him, compared with everything else I should and would have done if I had the chance.

        "You lost him, Seto. You lost the best thing that ever could have happened to you so how could you ever get it back if you were stupid enough to lose it the first time? It's absolutely ridiculous how you think. You think that the world is so kind that all you have to do is apologize and he'll come crawling back into your arms? Even he is not that pathetic. He's pathetic, all right, but nobody is that pathetic. Except maybe you.

        "How do you do it? You claim to be so pragmatic, yet you're just a foolish, idealistic romantic at heart. You look for things that are never going to be there. You're like Don Quixote or some ridiculous idiot like that! What the hell is wrong with you?

        "I. Did. Him. A. Favor."

        She finally stops, falling back slightly as she breaths heavily from the exertion she suffers due to her… speech. And I stand there, stoically, as I watch her.

        Part of me wants to hit her. The rest wonders how much of what she said was true.

        "You're wrong," I finally state. Calmly. Without emotion.

        She laughs.

        "I'm wrong?" she asks slowly, as if I am hard of hearing. "_I'm_ wrong? Now there's a joke if I ever heard one. And to think that you have just spent all this time accusing me of making jokes. Now look who's talking, Kaiba Seto."

        "No. You _are wrong. And I am going to prove it to you."_

        She laughs again, a thin, bitter laugh.

        "And should we take bets on how long it will last this time?"

        I slap her.

        To give her credit, she doesn't shriek when I do so. But then again, I could have hit her a lot harder than I did… a lot harder. Her hand flies up to her cheek, her eyes filled with disbelief at what I have just done.

        My shoulders are shaking in rage but I can't help but regret what I have just done. I guess that it really isn't her fault that all this is happening… it's mine as well. And although I hate what she has said… it's in her right to believe it. And not all of it is wrong… some of it is very much off, but not all of it.

        She has also, in a twisted way, given me what I needed most.

        Incentive.

        I stare at her in an almost detached way. Her cheek is starting to turn red from the slap, but I barely take note of it as my mind continues to contemplate what has just happened. Incentive. Incentive to prove her wrong, to show her that she cannot be right about this. Not this time.

        It might strike me as odd that Mami, of all people, should be the one helping me make my decision. I can't really tell if it's intentional or not, but I have a feeling that it isn't. Although I sometimes have the feeling that she really does have some semblance of feelings for me, it's not enough to make me believe that she would intentionally do something that would benefit me.

        Mami is now staring at her hand, looking at it as if it had just fallen off and she is trying to figure out how to reattach it back on. There are some tears in her eyes, probably from the shock rather than any pain, but I can't be sure of that. None of them have been shed, and I have a feeling that they never will.

        If she had cried, would I feel more sympathetic?

        "… Gomen," I finally apologize gruffly. And maybe a part of me actually meant it. I will never know that for sure.

        She doesn't respond, still staring at her hand with wonder in her brown-green eyes.

        "I'll be going now then." Meimi should be home by now and I want to see her as soon as possible. I have the feeling that we are going to need to talk before I pursue this matter further.

        She still doesn't respond.

        It isn't until I turn and am starting to walk away when I hear her voice ask quietly, pathetically, "Did you ever love me?"

        I pause, standing there. I don't bother to look back at her, for what is the point? She's not looking at me, and even if I looked at her it would do no good to anybody. Not me, not her, not anybody. So there is no point in wasting my energy to do something that will never make a difference.

        "Does it matter?"

        "Just answer the question for once in your life, Seto."

        I sigh slowly, trying to figure out what would be the right thing to say. And finally, I answer truthfully, "Yes."

        "When?"

        "When you gave me Meimi," I reply as I turn around to look at her. She nods, but she doesn't look up at me ever.

        "Okay. I can live with that. I'll have to, anyway. It's not like I have a choice in the matter."

        "Heh," is my only reply as again I turn to walk away.

        This time, she doesn't stop me.

~ * ~

        My eyebrow quirks slightly and I feel a small smile on my lips as I watch Meimi's attempts at hanging up the wall poster you gave her. She likes it very much, as it is Saint Tail and we all know about my little obsession with that manga. Part of it has rubbed onto Meimi, just short of her trying to go out to solve crime.

        Unfortunately, Meimi is too short to hang up the poster without help, and she's too stubborn to ask for help or at the very least get a chair to stand on. So she keeps jumping up and down in an attempt to jump high enough to get the poster's hooks on the thumb tacks that somebody must have put up for her.

        "Meimi?" I smirk as I walk into the room.

        "Just a second!" she replies as she continues trying to hang up the poster. "I've almost got it!"

        "You know, if you waited a couple more years maybe you'll be tall enough to do that on your own," I reply as I quickly take the wall scroll before she can hurt herself. With little effort, I hook it onto the tacks and stand back to look at Meimi, who is now scowling at me.

        "I would have gotten it eventually," she mutters as she sticks her tongue out at me.

        "I'm sure you would have," I acknowledge, as I happen to know she can be very resourceful. Regardless, I sit down and she immediately climbs into my lap.

        "There's something I need to talk to you about."

        "Am I in trouble?"

        I immediately grow suspicious. "Is there something you should be in trouble for?"

        She immediately pales and backtracks, "No. Definitely not. I was just… uh… making sure?"

        "Right…."

        "Mm… so what were you going to talk about, tousama?" Meimi's eyes are wide with anticipation, and I search carefully for the right words. I can't help but feel slightly nervous; after all, this is a rather big deal and I really can't afford to mess up anymore. I honestly do not want to lose you.

        It never fails to strike me that even after eight years of separation, I still need to speak to you as if you are constantly by my side. It is almost as if you are my conscience, and I can't do anything without having your opinion first. Although these days, I can never tell what your opinion is going to be because you've been changing so much. In some ways, I can't help but be proud of this. You're not so meek anymore, although I should be used to change. Ever since we got together, you finally gained a will.

        I smile, distantly, and Meimi frowns, "Tousama?"

        "Hmm?"

        "What do you want to talk about?"

        … oops. I'm usually not this absent-minded, but I guess I am a bit distracted. I have a lot on my mind… mainly you, but that is a lot.

        My plan seems pretty simple, although I know that it is going to be anything but easy. Especially considering how anything concerning you always manages to become difficult. Not that I'm blaming you… it can just become rather frustrating, to say the least.

        I take in a deep breath and finally say, "Family."

        "Family?" Meimi looks confused as she repeats what I have just said. "What about it?"

        "What would you think of adding another member?"

        "Are we adopting Jyounouchi-san as a dog?" she suggests with a small smirk. I can't help but laugh at her statement, even though I know she doesn't mean it at all.

        "If only, but I don't think Mai and Takuya would appreciate that very much," I reply as I ruffle her hair affectionately. "Any other guesses?"

        "You're adopting somebody and I'm going to have a new sibling?"

        "That is the most random suggestion I have ever heard."

        "It always happens on TV."

        "So does that mean I should be cutting down on your TV time?"

        "Uh… no?"

        I love the bantering but I suppose that it isn't the time to be doing that. Especially since I only have another week to get this all resolved, and I don't want to waste any more time than I already have.

        "Meimi… you remember Ryou-san, right?"

        "Uh huh?"

        Admittedly, I am more than a little nervous. After all, what happens if Meimi is less than receptive with my… idea, I guess is the right way to term it. I can't force her to accept the fact that I want to find my old lover who ran off because of what I did to her eight years ago. What happens if she isn't comfortable?

        "What did you think of him?"

        "Uh…" Oh Kami-sama, I hate it when she does this 'uh' thing. She knows it annoys me and she keeps doing it. I think it's something she picked up from her mother…. "Why?"

        "I asked first, so you have to answer first," I reply simply.

        She scowls but it doesn't last long as she smiles brightly, "So are we going to be adopting him as my older brother?"

        "Meimi…."

        "Another father?" she looks at me sweetly, and I immediately know that there's a hell of a lot more going in her mind than she is letting on.

        I give her a stern look as I poke her lightly in the arm, "You have some explaining to do, Meimi."

        "Uh…."

        "Please stop doing that."

        She grins before climbing off my lap and running to the desk. A few minutes of fruitless rummaging makes me think that Otogi had a point when he started doing his own housekeeping. At least that feminine miser is always able to find what he is looking for… something that Meimi is apparently having problems doing right now.

        As I am off in my private dream world, Meimi suddenly reappears by handing me a photograph. It's not one of my own… but I recognize the scene immediately.

        It's the auction house. [1]

        I can't help but smile slightly as I look at the picture. It was, more or less, the first time I ever kissed Ryou and actually meant it that time too. Well, I meant it every time… but this time was different. We were alone, and we didn't have to do it. There really was no reason, as he was still under the impression that the whole situation was still me trying to get rid of Emi. But we still did it anyway, and it remains a fond memory. It was almost like the beginning of an actual relationship, as if we were finally starting to find something.

        I think it was then that I really realized that I wasn't going to be able to make this all go away when the week ended. Not when I was able to do this… when I wanted to do this.

        Suddenly, I frown as I look up at Meimi, who is watching me innocently.

        "Where did you get this picture?" I ask in a monotone voice.

        Perhaps if it was one of the pictures that I kept, I wouldn't be concerned. After all, she could have just found it on her own… and that would be the end of that. But this… I have never seen this in my life. And as mentioned in my oh-so-well organized thoughts, no one was supposed to be around there.

        So who could have taken the picture? Not to mention given it to Meimi, of course, but I figure with one answer the other will eventually come.

        "Uh…" Meimi's smile immediately drops off her face as she backs away. "A little birdy gave it to me?"

        "Try again."

        She grimaces as she gives me a pleading look, "Please don't hurt him?"

        "Why would I hurt him?" I reply. She gives me a disbelieving look and I suppose that she has a point there. I probably am going to hurt that person… as soon as I find out who he is.

        "… Ojisan."

        "_Mokuba?!"_

        "Uh… hai!" she chirps.

        "When?"

        "A couple of months ago."

        "… You've known all this time?"

        "Yes?"

        Well, I'm sure you're going to have a ball with this. I can just imagine your face as soon as you find out… you'll probably shriek, especially since you're still not used to witnesses when we get cozy with each other. And with this one… your face turned so red when Kohno [2] found us. His face was pretty red too, but he managed to keep his composure (somewhat) and drive us home without getting into an accident.

        "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

        She doesn't reply immediately, although her brow furrows, a sign that she is thinking hard. And finally, when she hits on the right words, she looks up at me.

        "You're… you're always so sad when you see him. You have a picture of him on your desk and you always look sad when you see it. I didn't want to hurt you."

        For a minute, I can't say anything. She's watching me, carefully, and I can't help but suddenly sputter, "You knew… you knew all along when you found him at the department store, didn't you?"

        "Not really… I just knew he looked like him," she cuddles close to me cautiously. "I didn't know until I saw you look at him…."

        "You… don't mind?"

        She looks at me, oddly, "Should I? I mean, I know I don't know him very well but he is always so nice to me and you are always so happy when he's with you…."

        I suppose that's one benefit of having Honda and Otogi as friends… she's used to them. She doesn't even question them, although I wouldn't have been surprised if she had.

        If I looked in the mirror right now, I'm sure I would scare myself because I can feel myself beaming. _Beaming. I don't usually smile like this, as I prefer a small, restrained smile. But right now I am smiling so much that I feel like my face is going to break if I don't stop._

        "Shouldn't you get going?" Meimi interrupts, her face set in a small scowl. But her eyes are twinkling, and it ruins the affect. Perhaps I will have to train her in how to scowl and not really mean it without giving it away… but that's a different story for a different time.

        "Yes," I reply as I move to get up. But before I can do so, she embraces me tightly. And again I find myself smiling as I hug her back.

        "Ganbatte na [3], tousama."

~ * ~

        "He what?!"

        I cannot believe this. I just cannot believe this at all.

        How can you be gone?

        Otogi looks decidedly uncomfortable… as he should, since I have backed him into a corner and he has no way of escaping. My hands are clenched into fists and if I do not calm down soon, somebody is going to be hurt.

        "He went back to America, Kaiba," Otogi repeats. He is trying to be calm but I can tell that he isn't, especially from the nervous twitch when I take a step closer to him.

        "When?" I demand even though I more or less know the answer already. When else could it have been? I'm not stupid, and I prefer to be realistic.

        "Last night. Hiroto and I drove him to the airport."

        "You just let him go?!" I scream, despite myself.

        "Well, what else was I supposed to do?! Tie him to the bed and wait for you to come pick him up?!" Otogi screeches right back as he throws his arms up in the air. He is obviously exasperated, as am I. "I tried, all right? But there's only so much I can do to change his mind. He has a right to make his own decisions, even if I don't like them! I couldn't force him to stay, just like you couldn't."

        The last statement is more calmly pronounced, although there is still a hint of hysteria behind it. Otogi seems to get hysterical quite easily, much to my amusement. I don't know how he manages it, but he always blows things completely out of proportion and as a result, overreacts. He tries to act calm, but it's just not in his nature.

        Still, his words are sticking. This day has been rather overwhelming, from Mami's words to Meimi and now even Otogi. I would not be at all surprised if there was some greater force at work here… somebody who has much too much time on his or her hands and is now out to mess around with the lives of us mere mortals.

        I breathe in and out slowly as I try to get my mind organized. How is it that I have managed to let you slip out of my fingers again? I came here looking for you but you're already gone, and I have no idea how to find you. By this time, you're probably already home and there's nothing I can do about it.

        "Kaiba?" Otogi asks cautiously. I look down at him, almost blankly and still in a state of shock. How am I ever going to be able to correct my mistake this time?

        "What?"

        "I don't know where he lives…" he starts carefully. And I want to scream, shake him, and demand to know why he bothered to bring this up if he isn't going to be of any help.

        "But I know somebody who does."

~ * ~

        And, of course, that person just has to be the bonkotsu duelist. The bonkotsu duelist, who I will have to waste time to pry the necessary information from, and is currently standing in front of me with a look of disgust on his face.

        Since I did not even have to ring the doorbell before the door opens, I look down at him before asking as casually as I can considering everything that has happened, "Otogi called you, didn't he?"

        Jyounouchi scowls as he leans against the door frame, "And he told me what you wanted."

        "So are you going to tell me?"

        "Should I?"

        I am going to beat my head against the wall. Or at the very least, break his skull. That would probably be the better choice, as it will make me feel a lot better.

        I growl softly, trying to keep from losing my temper. It's a close call though, and we both know it. The smirk on his face reminds me suspiciously for Mami's expression when I found her, and the similarity is less than encouraging.

        "Yes, you should."

        "You have to give me a reason more than that, Kaiba."

        "You never asked for one before," I snap back. He doesn't react to that, so I continue, "You never asked for a reason when you 'invited' me to all those little outings you planned for Ryou's arrival. Don't think that I didn't notice that… so why would you need a reason now when you didn't need one before?"

        Jyounouchi shrugs slightly as he glares at me, "I didn't do that for you, Kaiba. I did it for him. And you must have screwed up again because he isn't here anymore."

        He is right, loath am I to admit it. What do you think of that, Ryou? I am admitting to the zako that he is right… luckily for me, he cannot hear my thoughts so my pride is not damaged too badly.

        "Just give me his address, Jyounouchi. That's all I want from you."

        "Why? So you can hurt him again?" he shakes his head and I have to control myself from making a hole in his front door by using his head as a battering ram. "No deal."

         I have a raging headache coming on, and my temper is about to snap. "What do you want me to do then, Jyounouchi? What do you want me to do to persuade you to give me the information that I need?"

        He's silent for a moment, as he mulls over my question. If he gives me any crap, I swear I'll kill him. Well, first I will pry that address out of his lifeless hands and then I'll kill him.

        Then again… you wouldn't like that, would you Ryou? You have some fond affection for Jyounouchi that I can't understand… you claim he is like an older brother to you. A really annoying older brother, that is. You already have one older brother, and he is nosy enough, so why do you need another? They're both quite similar, if you ask me. Although I still find Jyounouchi the more annoying of the two.

        "You know I dislike you a lot, Kaiba. It's not just some grudge; I really do dislike you. And during that week when the two of you 'got' together? I couldn't believe that you would ever do such a thing. I figured it was just a nasty plan that would eventually hurt Bakura while you walked away clean. So it was weird when he was so happy because of that week. I'd never seen him that happy before… so I didn't bother him about it anymore after that.

        "And at the same time, I have never seen him as depressed as the times you left him. You hurt him so much, you know? You think you know that but you don't know exactly how much you hurt him. How would you feel if you were rejected by the person you loved? Imagine if Mokuba came along and told you that he didn't want you to be his brother anymore. _That's_ how much you hurt him.

        "Imagine eight years of that, Kaiba. Is it any wonder that I'm having problems doubting you? You could have ended this at any time, you know. You didn't have to wait for one of us to _drag_ Bakura here… you could have just gone to America. You could afford it. But you just put all that aside and never bothered to do anything.

        "And yet I still tried to help the two of you when Bakura came." He rolls his eyes as he shakes his head. "I admit that it wasn't really my idea… it was Anzu's. You know her… she's convinced that with a little nudge, you two would be sitting in front of the sunset again, holding hands.

        "But she had a point. Bakura was happiest when he was with you, and he was saddest when he wasn't. And so if the only way to make him happy again was to get him together with _you, then I was going to help him. Because that's what friends do, Kaiba. They put aside their differences and help each other. I don't know if you ever figured that out, but that's not the point. The point is _that_ is why I helped you. It was never for you… you could rot and go to hell for all I could care. But if you did, Bakura wouldn't be happy anymore. And neither would Meimi, or Mokuba, or any of those people who have managed to care for you despite everything._

        "So…" he holds his hands up in a surrender position, "all I'm saying is that if I'm giving you that address, then you had better do things right this time. You've hurt him enough times, and I'm not going to help you do that again. You better make it up to him… you better go to him. Don't make him come to you again."

        "You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?"

        "For eight years, more or less."

        I don't give him my answer immediately, even though I know what it is going to be. I suppose I should be grateful to him… after all, he's giving me a chance to get you back. Isn't that odd, Ryou? That Jyounouchi, of all people, should be helping me find you when he did everything in his power to keep us apart in our university years.

        I had always wondered if it would have been better if he succeeded. We would both be better off, wouldn't we? Well, at least you would….

        I think that it's time to put those thoughts away though.

        With that, I smirk and hold my hand out to Jyounouchi.

        "Give me the address, make inu."

~ * ~

        Five minutes later, I am back in the car and between yelling at Yamashiro to drive to the airport and putting on my seat belt, I manage to get my cell phone open and call Meimi.

        "Moshi moshi?"

        "Meimi?" I ask, confused. It is a female voice but it does not sound like Meimi. I have called her over the cell phone before and this definitely does not sound like her.

        It sounds more like…

        "Iie, Seto," the person laughs. "It's Aoko."

        "Aoko? What are you doing there?"

        "Hi, niisama!" a bright voice suddenly interrupts, and I groan as I realize that my personal baby-sitter/matchmaker fairy has decided to drop in. Currently, I can't decide whether I should be pleased that Mokuba is there or if I should kill him for giving Meimi the picture.

        "Mokuba… would you mind explaining me what is going on?"

        "Depends… when's the wedding?"

        I twitch, as I growl warningly, "Mokuba…."

        "A little after you left, Meimi called us. That was quite irresponsible of you, niisama, leaving your daughter all alone and unattended."

        "I was going to call you." Great, just great. I'm being lectured by my baby brother. This is just fabulous.

        "I'm sure you were," Mokuba replies patiently. "Are you coming back? With Bakura? I told him he had my approval to get back together with you, niisama. See? I wasn't that far off."

        "Mokuba," I interrupt. "Ryou went back to America."

        There is a long stretch of silence before Mokuba finally squeaks, "Oh. But then…."

        "I'm going to the airport."

        "Ohhh," his voice is a lot brighter now. "And I assume he'll be coming back with you then?"

        "I can't drag him back here, Mokuba. It's up to him… although I hope that he will."

        "Me too, tousama!" Meimi chirps. I can't help but smile… if only you could see this right now. It's rather strange, but at the same time heart-warming.

        "Use your famous niisama charm!" Mokuba suggests oh-so-helpfully. I hope he doesn't know about how well my 'famous niisama's charm' has been working lately… especially since you ran off the last time I tried it. "I'm sure everything is going to work out fine."

        "And if it doesn't?" I smirk. There's a lightness within me that is refusing to go away, despite the gravity of this situation. After all, nothing is concrete… and I don't know how well you will take me suddenly showing up on your front step without any warning whatsoever.

        "Well, then we will ask Yami to lend us his handcuffs," Aoko replies matter-of-factly, as if that is the normal thing to do. Meimi giggles, and I wonder exactly how much she has been corrupted in the past couple of minutes.

        Hopefully, though, it's not going to come down to that. Hopefully, everything will turn out all right and I will find you without any hassle.

        You told me, Ryou, that all of this was going to end when you went back to America. But I'm not going to let that happen. I asked you, remember? I _asked_ you why it hurt so much for us to be apart if it wasn't right.

        You never gave me an answer… instead, you just looked away. But were you going to give me an answer? Were you even able to?

        I need to know. I'm not letting this go without a fight… I'm not letting you slip away again. I should never have let that happen the first time, but I can't do anything about that.

        The best I can do right now is find you… and we'll see where we go from there.         

Notes:

[1] Reference to chapter 7 of "Fairydust", where Seto and Ryou ended up making out in front of the auction house. I chose this incident because I wanted to show what Seto was thinking during their first make-out session. XD

[2] I finally felt guilty and gave the driver a last name. A first name is still waiting… *first name jumps out and tackles PM, biting her arm* ITAIIIIIII!

[3] Go for it.

PM: See? He is going after Ryou… so no need to kill the authoress! *waves spooky fingers* You will NOT kill the authoress… you will NOT kill the authoress….

Yami *tries to kill PM*

PM: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! *ducks behind a tree* And BTW, for those of you who haven't seen, Nephthys-san and I are writing a collaboration under the pen name BriscoNLogan (*hides from Nalan-san!!*) titled Hanekaeri. It's a Seto/Ryou, Honda/Ryuuji fic… and go check it out if you have time! And if you can figure out what the BriscoNLogan means (without checking the story/profile first), you get a… err… a kiss from Yami-kun!

Yami: Say what?

PM: Please, Yami?

Yami: No.

PM: I'll give you a cookie.

Yami: NO.

PM: I'll give you another Yuki?

Yami: How dare you try to replace Yuki!

PM: Well, considering how Black Magician is aquanting him with a pair of scissors, I'd say he's going to need replacing if you don't do something soon.

Yami *screams and runs away to save Yuki*

PM: Keehee….

Pikachumaniac


	12. Falling

Disclaimer: When you see naked Ryuuji in YGO, _then_ you know who owns it. XD

Look the Other Way

PM: This is a… um… horrendously short chapter, people. ^^;; Sorry about that… it was originally combined with the next chapter, but I thought it might be too confusing and at least this way, I have more time to write the last two chapters and make them better. ::^_^::

Yami: Do you have excuses for everything?

PM: Well, yeah?

Yami: --;; You're not supposed to agree….

PM: *chibi grin* Anyhow, ignoring Yami-kun here, this chapter takes place on Sunday evening in Ryou's POV. I apologize before-hand if there are any… um… problems with the international date line. I did my best to work around it but… ^^;; Well, I'm certainly not perfect.

^_^ Many thanks to rayemars-san for beta-reading, as well as Sharem (:p You make it sound like a bad thing….), cheesepuff (Three more chapters, including this…), treana (Thanks for the comments on the characters! It makes me feel better….), Erfaciel (Ma… matte! You can't get the kiss if you don't tell me what you think BriscoNLogan means!), Shamanic Guardian Lena (Yuki isn't dead… if Black Magician hurt him, I'd probably pair him up with past Bakura, and we all know he doesn't want that. XD 'Course, Yami don't know that… *innocent grin*), The Evil Laugh (The book is called "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris. I recommend that one highly. It's better than "Naked", although "Naked" is really good too), MarmaladeGirl (Ryou: It's about time he got over here!), Ishizu Sango Halliwell (*oohs and ahhs with you*), SailorSaturn1025 (XD Yay! You got it! *grins* And now you can tell your parents that a psychopathic fanfic writer named after a yellow electric rat ALSO watches it religiously…), Angel-Belle (Seto: If I stop calling him a dog, I'd be lying…), Wildwolf (What was that Yuugi? *blinks innocently*), Lavender Sparkle (^.^ Gomen… there's no room for Meimi POV in this story… but it'll get written somewhere else , promise!), fani90 (XD Good incentive to keep writing… keep people from killing me), Steph-hime (actually, I want you to like Mami-chan… but that's okay if you don't. ^.^), Bronze Eagle (one 'n' in the minna when adding an honorific after it… XD And it was sad! I'm still in shock that he died! *bursts into tears*), Miss Behaving (XD Every Sunday, unless things turn up… remember?), introspective-mortal (No, that's not true! I'm sure SOMEBODY tortures their characters more than me… can't think of anyone at the moment but I'm SURE!), Blondie the Black Sheep (*gets a cattle brand with the words "Seto's B-tch" engraved on it* Now come here, darling Ryou….), Em (D Glad I finally got you to review… *grins*), dani (She doesn't show up in this fic anymore… I think… *Mami goes after Seto and Ryou in America* Matteeeee~! You're not supposed to go! *chases after her*), Ashuri chan (Don't worry! Everything will turn out *just* fine… Ryuuji: Liar. PM: Urusei.), yukoma (*hugs Touya and Yukito* Kawaiiiiii.), Dark Eyed (Ryou: I'm not an idiot! PM-tachi: *COUGH*), Aishiteru Tenshi (O.o And where did that dresses comment come from?!), Shenya (heehee… it's okay! I know I was really off-track for the past couple weeks, but I just had to get my parents off my back and study for once. XD), Chibizoo (Yes, I submitted… I even have your pretty confirmation e-mail! *rummages through e-mails trying to find it… box 'slips' and hits PM on the head, knocking her out* Yami: Heehee…), loanshark (thanks! Except now my mom is on my back about my SAT II math score… since when was a 730 not enough?), Shetan (You know, the first thing I thought of when you said 'punish Black Magician'… is not appropriate for a PG story… X_x Yami! Put that whip back where you found it!), Yami-kun (^_^ You're welcome… good luck with it!), DreamingDragon (*is about to go into her patience is a virtue spew again when soembody knocks her out*), TidBits (XD *has a ball imagining Seto as Gump), Tuulikki (XD I did read your story… it was funny! I especially loved that Malik/Yami no Malik/Yami no Bakura/Ryou scene… I laughed myself sick! And thanks for your comments on Mami and Meimi… :p), Fate (*raises hand* I agree with Fate-san), Takuro (I am your god? XD PM-ism! Ryuuji: Don't you mean PMS-ism? PM: *eyebrow twitches as she knocks Ryuuji out*), *i n c o h e r e n t* (Love your comments about Jyounouchi. ^_^), and Dragon Wings (many thanks to your character observations. XD). Thanks, minna!

~ Falling ~

        "I thought you weren't coming back until next week?"

        I shrug as I close the door behind me before turning to face Ben, who is watching me with the expression of pity that just about every single person has been giving me for the past week. I can remember my first interview with him… well, it wasn't really an interview but just a casual affair. I had met his wife Kim at a museum exhibition on the history of lead use in the United States. Did you know, for example, that the United States didn't ban lead in indoor paint until forty-four years _after most of Europe? Or that most people today have 625 times more lead in our blood than people did a hundred years ago?  And how on earth could lead have not been removed from food containers in America until 1993?! [1]_

        Anyhow, we ended up getting into a conversation about the effectiveness of the Clean Air Act and other legislation on the environment (which really isn't that much). We became friends, and about a month later she introduced me to Ben. He was the one who suggested I write, as it was something I liked to do and wouldn't have interfered with the job I had at the time.

        "Caught an early flight home," I reply dully as I sit down. "I just spent most of the day passing out gifts, and you're my last stop before I go home and write a paper on the growth pattern of mold on leftovers."

        "Nice to know you haven't lost your sense of humor," he replies calmly. I can only stare at him… he really isn't one to talk about a 'sense of humor', as I've never known somebody who can tell a joke with the same tone and a straight voice as well as he can.

        "Nice to know I still have one," I mutter as I place his goody bag on the desk. "Now if you'll excuse me, the mold is calling my name."

        "Did something happen?"

        "Yeah… but it's nothing I really want to talk about."

        "If you don't want to talk about, you really shouldn't advertise it in the first place because that just perks people's interests," he suggests oh-so-helpfully. Yes, I'm sure that is a fine piece of advice but it's also coming a bit too late for me to do anything about it.

        "I'll keep that in mind," is my dry reply. I really don't have anything else to say… what can I say? It isn't like I can and will spill my life story for him to hear… even though he is a good friend, this is a story that I do not want to tell anyone.

        It's not really a mentality that if I don't think about it… don't tell anybody about it, maybe it will go away. No… I know it won't go away. But at least here, I don't have to deal with people looking at me and _knowing what I am depressed about. Yes, they know what I'm depressed about… and they pity me for that. If I could, I would ask them not to pity me because what's the point? Pity doesn't get you anywhere. It just makes people feel worse, really. And there is no need for that…._

        At least, this way, if they don't know the story, they won't know exactly how pathetic I am.

        Yes, I freely admit that I am pathetic. It was very rash of me to come running back here after only holding out for a week in Domino… but truly… it wouldn't have mattered if I had stayed. Nothing would have come out of it… nothing except more feelings and emotions that I wanted done away with.

        That's what I tell myself, at least. It makes me feel a little less guilty, especially when I'm trying to forget the look on Seto's face when I left.

        I remember this one time that Honda-kun and Otogi-kun got into a huge argument and didn't speak to each other for nearly a month. Since the two had previously been sharing the same dorm room and now refused to be in the same room as each other, Jyounouchi-kun ended up switching with Otogi-kun, thus ending up with me being Otogi-kun's roommate for a month (at the time, I was still in the dorm and didn't move in with Seto until the next year). Although their relationship can be quite volatile, Otogi-kun and Honda-kun never get into really bad arguments. Everyone was afraid they would break up because of this fight, especially knowing how stubborn the two of them could be.

        It strikes me as odd even to this day that although Otogi-kun was just so mad at Honda-kun, he was miserable the entire time. And according to Jyounouchi-kun, the same happened with Honda-kun at being deprived of his, quote on quote, "raven-haired beauty" (I think he was drunk at this time, but one can never be sure with Honda-kun). I had to endure an entire month or so of Otogi-kun complaining about how pissed he was in one breath and then how much he missed Honda-kun in the same breath. It was positively maddening, and there was more than one incident where I wanted to grab him by the ear and yell at him to get his act together.

        Of course, I never did… it's not in my nature. But I really wanted to, and I truly thought that doing that might actually get him to realize that he needed to get back together with Honda-kun (especially before they destroyed what remained of my ever-depleting supply of sanity).

        Now though, when I think of this incident… I can't help but think that perhaps I need somebody to yell at me too. Because I don't seem to be accepting my own thoughts, and nothing else seems to be getting through. I want something so much but I can't get it even when it's laid out in front of me. Isn't this a sign that something is wrong with me?

        Well, that's nothing new, I suppose. Something always seems to be wrong with me. If it isn't bullies, it's the teachers. If it isn't the teachers, it's the psychopathic spirit in the Sennen Ring. And if it's not the psychopathic spirit, it's romantic problems that are enough to drive just about anybody up the roof. It's no wonder that people can't stand me, and that I can barely manage to get close to my friends even when I'm with them for long periods of time.

        This week though… it's been confusing. It's been too much. I was supposed to relax and all I got was one surprise after another. Some of them were really something though… Meimi-chan, for example. She's wonderful, and Seto is lucky to have somebody like her in his life.

        Then again, she's also lucky to have Seto as a father. Seto is used to parenting, since he took care of Mokuba since he was ten and Mokuba five. And he's liable to spoil her rotten, just as I've done to poor Ikumi.

        Mami-san, however… she confuses me. I want to hate her but I really can't. I can't because I feel so sorry for her. She hates so much without really having a reason to, and I think she hates herself for that too. I can tell that Seto can't stand her, and it must hurt her because no one wants to be told that they're hated so much. Still, I really wish I could have told her not to blame me for what happened. I know I never will because I'm too shy and I can't really stand up to people like her because they always seem to twist things to satisfy their own meaning, and this scares me.

        It surprised me that she could be Meimi-chan's mother or Seto's wife. Ex-wife, granted, but wife nevertheless. I wonder what had been going on when Seto chose to marry her… after all, there are many nice girls out there. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had even married Emi-chan… but then again, Emi-chan still remembers what Seto said about her and is more or less slightly tiffed by that.

        Seto, of everyone, confused me the most. He has always confused me, granted, but never this much.

        It was almost like he was begging me….

        "Ryou?"

        I immediately blush. It seems that being in Japan for a week has brought back my tension when it comes to being called by my first name. It's really not something I can get used to easily, especially since I did spend most of my life being called by my last name. The first name is supposed to be special, used by people you are very close to. And while I am close to Ben and Kim, I'm not really close enough to be on a first name basis in Japan.

        But this isn't Japan. It's America. And I moved here to avoid these types of things… well, the main reason why I moved here was because the environment here needs all the help it can get, but that's a different story.

        _Don't lie, yadonushi. You moved here because it's a 12 hour flight._

        I choose to ignore him."Hmm?"

        "It's getting late. Do you want a ride home?"

        "I'll walk."

        Ben frowns, "You can't walk at night here. It's too far… and the next bus doesn't come for a while. It can be dangerous. You know that."

        Oops. I've gotten used to walking everywhere… and I never liked the concept of having to drive everywhere, like you do here. It's not comfortable, especially since I still haven't learned to drive. Nor do I have any intention of doing so, but that's a different story.

        "I can take a taxi?"

        My statement comes out more like a question, as if I'm unsure of what I want. Which is definitely safe to say, considering how erratic I've been. One moment I want Seto back more than anything in the world. I wanted my old life back. And when it's suddenly offered to me, I panic and run.

        And this is the result.

        I really am pathetic.

        _That's what I've been saying all along,_ Yami Bakura interjects, in a tone that can actually be termed _cheerful._ I think being in the modern world for so long has mellowed him out a bit, but Yami Bakura being cheerful at a situation that doesn't involve blood still freaks me out. Even if it is because I'm degrading myself, something he particularly enjoys.

        _Urusei._

        "Kim will kill me if something happens to you. It's not exactly like it's out of my way, Ryou. I don't mind taking you."

        I smile as sincerely as I can… which isn't very sincere and we both know that. "Daijoubu da, Ben. I'm sure everything will be alright."

        On any other day I wouldn't mind getting a ride from him. Ben is a very interesting person, and he's easy to talk to. Something that I can't help but be afraid of. I really don't want anybody to hear my story, and Ben happens to be one of those people who can drag a story out of just about anyone before his victim can figure out what's happening. It's happened to me one too many times, so I should know.

        "All right," he acknowledges hesitantly. I can tell that he doesn't believe me, but that's not my problem right now. So instead of trying to convince him further, a task that I definitely would have failed at anyway, I just decide to get out of here as quickly as possible. It's a more effective solution, anyway. "But maybe you can call me when you get home. So I don't have to worry."

        "Fine," I reply hastily. I know that the longer I stay, the more possible it will be that he will find some way of dragging me home, even if he has to chain me to the seat to do so. "I hope you and Kim like the things I brought."

        Before he can protest or somehow change my mind, I quickly get up, turn around, and walk out of the office.

~ * ~

        I didn't really plan on taking the taxi… not immediately, at least. What I really want is some fresh air, and I thought it would be best to walk as far as I could before getting that taxi.

        So that's what I'm doing now. Walking. It's a nice way of keeping fit too… I've done this before. Walked as far as I could before taking a bus or something like that. I'm actually pretty familiar with the bus schedule, so I know that if I walk for about a mile at a little faster than my usual speed, I'll be able to make the next bus to my apartment.

        Currently though, I'm standing at the traffic light, about a block away from the office building where Ben runs his business. It's an okay part of the neighborhood… there isn't much crime around here, but that isn't saying much. My house got robbed once, and basically all the money that wasn't in the safe was taken. Luckily, there wasn't _that much… but the incident taught me a valuable lesson. Which was, basically, don't leave anything to chance._

        Of course… if you don't leave anything to chance, then it's also possible that nothing can ever happen. And nobody wants that, right?

        It's cold and the light is refusing to change despite the fact that there isn't a single car in the vicinity. But since I'm too cowardly to deliberately break the law, I just stick my hands in my pockets and continue to wait patiently.

        Upon doing so, I realize that there's something in my pocket.

        It feels kinda plastic-y, but as soon as I see it I can't help but turn rather pink.

        It's the good luck charm that I was supposed to give Meimi-chan.

        I blink at it, as if it's actually a packet of poison that I'm supposed to swallow. The shiny gold characters catch the light, making the pink flower-design pale in comparison. The words are now too obvious to ignore… their pathetic promise of luck in love a mind-numbing taunt. Does anyone really believe that a mere charm could accomplish such a thing?

        It's so easy to believe in these false dreams and hopes. Something to cling onto, no matter the situation… as if by doing so, it might come true.

        Why do I still deceive myself like this? Let myself carry on with all these lies? It's gotten to the point where half the time, I don't know what's real and what's not. I want Seto back but I don't at the same time. I want my old life but I'm too caught up in the new one. I want so many things but I can't have them because of my own stupidity.

        What is wrong with me?

        _Why is it always about you?_

        … Yami Bakura?

        _Yes, I'm here. I'm here and I have to listen to your constant complaining and whining. You do realize that I can listen to all your thoughts? I don't know why I would want to but I am dying of boredom here. But did _anyone_ ever tell you that you whine too much, yadonushi?_

        Well, actually….

        _Why don't you listen to them?_

        I do….

        _No, you don't yadonushi. Or if you do, you take their words and twist them to fit your needs. Which is a pretty commendable talent, I admit, but not the way you do it. People usually twist things to their benefit. You seem to do it with the purpose of making yourself feel worse. What's the point of that?_

        Demo….

        _Don't argue with me on this one, yadonushi. If it was my choice, you'd be on the next flight back to Japan and we'll get this whole mess settled. I'm tired of your whining and if you think I want to help you, you're wrong. The only reason why I 'want' to help you is because you're giving me a headache that can last me to the next life._

        Well they why didn't you say anything before?

        … _I was hoping you would figure it out on your own. I can't do everything for you… and I doubt you would want me to anyway._

        I choose not to reply to this as I close my hand around Meimi-chan's good luck charm. Perhaps I can mail it to her, or something. Perhaps I should keep it for myself.

        Of course, if I have had it for this long… why didn't it help when I talked to Seto?

        _What on earth makes you think a dinky piece of cardboard and imprinted paper is going to help you when you can't help yourself?_

        Seto… he confused me. He really confused me. I don't understand him… although admittedly I always found it difficult to understand him. It seemed like at the one moment I finally understood him … he'd change and become something different. I could just never figure it out.

        I told him that I still loved him. But even though I do, it didn't stop me from leaving. And for the life of me, I just can't figure out why.

        It seemed that half the stuff I said to him makes sense… but what about the rest? How could I believe all of it at that time… while I can't anymore? It just seems… strange, to say the least.

        The light turns green and I finally start to cross. My hands are still tangled in the string of the charm as I step off the sidewalk and onto the street.

        I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't notice the screech of tires. My head snaps up as I'm suddenly blinded from the bright lights of vehicle.

        Oh… Kami-sama….

        _Get out of the way, yadonushi!_ Yami Bakura screams at the top of his lungs as the vehicle comes closer. Too close… too close to avoid.

        Something registers.

        _Are you listening?! Move it!_

        I can feel, distantly, him trying to take control as I can only stare at what is hurtling towards me. My body is frozen except for my chest, which is blinding hot from the heat of the Sennen Ring.

        My brain is screaming but my body isn't responding. And I feel like I'm trapped in a horrible, impossible out-of-body situation where I can only stare.

        Someone's screaming. Sounds almost like Seto… Seto, who is half a world away from me and will probably not know of this until it's much too late to do anything. Seto, who isn't here.

        _If all of this was so damn _wrong_, why is it that outside of Mokuba and now Meimi, the only person who could make me truly happy was you?_

        I don't know. I don't know anymore. I don't know, I don't know, I don't _know._

        … it hurts. Everything hurts right now. Where does this pain come from? Why does it hurt so much?__

        _Ryou!_

_        It almost feels like I'm falling off a cliff. Falling head first and there's nobody to stop me, nobody waiting for me, nobody to catch me. Just open air, and the slow descent to the crushing embrace of nothingness._

Notes:

[1] Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything", pg 158 - 159.

*long silence*

PM: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *runs away screaming her lungs out*

Pikachumaniac


	13. Shatter

Disclaimer: Right now, I want ownership of Harry Potter to rewrite certain part. shifty eyes

Look the Other Way

Yuki: (Translation: Hiya mina-sama!)

Yuki: (Translation: PM-sama is temporarily unavailable, so I get to do author notes again since she feels guilty for not putting me in the story more!)

Black Magician: (Translation: Stupid seal.)

Yuki: (Translation: That's mean.)

Black Magician: (Translation: I can go get a shredder?)

Yuki: shudder

(Translation: Um the chapter itself takes place on Sunday night (in America), while the beginning flashbacks of the chapter take place on Sunday night (in Japan). Supposedly it has something to do with the international date line so it's perfectly reasonable that Seto-sama would be in America before he ever left Japan. PM-sama finds it very annoying.)

Black Magician: (Translation: I find you annoying too. Am I allowed to put you through the shredder yet?)

Yuki: OO

(Translation: HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!)

Many thanks to the ever-wonderful rayemars-san, who I worship. Thanks to the readers as well: Bronze Eagle (hides behind Blue-chan EEP), Shamanic Guardian Lena (tries to revive you NOOO! I didn't mean to kill you! fret), Ninetails (Don't worry Seto isn't the one who hit him! And it's okay if you want to call me Pika-chan. mutters It's better than PMS anyway), Sad Andy (glomps I'm glad to see you're around!), Wildwolf ( I like your advice and I'm sorry I haven't e-mailed you back --;; I'll do that soon, promise), iloveanime456 (eeps I'm updating!), Fate (XD Well, Fluffy, I kinda wish that I coud have written this scene a bit worse so my life wouldn't be threatened), Mokuba Kaiba (Seto: I'm nervous too --;;), loanshark (Don't pull your hair out it might look ugly. Just imagine if Yami had a hair pulling out problem. Or RYUUJI. looks VERY scared), fani90 (Sorry Seto was not involved in this sceen at all. :p Have fun in Mexico!), yukoma (Well I started typing it and gets knocked out by mallet-wielding Yami), Steph-hime (Don't worry PM is also trying to figure out why Yami no Bakura didn't take over control. --), The Evil Laugh (How is Barrel Fever? I tried reading that but I didn't like it but I was in a hurry), Blondie the Black Sheep (Nobody will die! Promise! tries to hide crossed fingers), Angel-Belle (XD What sound advice!), Shenya (Me? Cruel? innocent look), TidBits (If you kill me, I can't write.), phwee? yami hobo (Ryou was happy! For about two chapters I think?), Beverly (smiles and nods happily I thought so too!), Tigress Ronin (But it's fun to torture Ryou), Chibizoo (XD glomps), treana (Seto did not hit him! REALLY!) Dreaming Dragon (tries to pet the cat and nearly gets her hand clawed off), Erfaciel (Well, at least you weren't chasing me :p And you were right about the BriscoNLogan. Although luckily no, not as a coupling. XD), Rydia Paige (Meeeee? Evil? Just because I'm the secretary of Evil and Sadistic People of America doesn't mean I'm evil), birch (It wasn't Seto's car:p), Q and A (Oooh I'm like Yami no Bakura? feels very proud), JudyNFran (well, I assure you that if you feel it becomes too cliché, you may lecture me), Shetan (whistles Veryyyy long review. has no idea what to reply too XD), Dani (Gomen:p), Mayhem-chan (O.O I don't think your parents will like me giving you drugs), ChildofMidnight (It wasn't Seto! I promise! even PM is not that cruel for now), Lady Shriannan of Santrea (XD I'm glad I can educate you then! I got sick from watching the dub shivers), and Tuulikki (innocent I just got him hit by a car and thanks for the info on 'yadonushi'. :p I'll go smack my friend around a bit more threatens Kei-kun with a big mallet). You've all been wonderful!

Shatter

My nails tap impatiently on the countertop, and I am becoming a little bit less than impatient. She is taking more time than I can afford to give, but I cannot think of any polite way of explaining this to her. I could explain it to her in a less than polite way, but if you should ever find out.

Well, it's doubtful that you should ever find out anyway.

However, before I can open my mouth to say anything, her rapid typing suddenly stops and she looks up at me. Her soft blue eyes remind me of yours, but it's not as comforting, I suppose. I don't know what it is about your eyes that always lets me feel calm and relaxed. Perhaps it is just your personality?

"Gomen nasai, Kaiba-sama." As she speaks these words, I feel a flare of anger. If there are no more available seats, why did she have to waste my time so long? "Demo, the only seat left is in the economy class."

Immediately, I reach into my pocket to get my wallet as I reply simply, "Fine."

She blinks, as if she thinks I am deaf, "Kaiba-sama?"

"When does the flight leave?"

"But there's only one seat left. In economy class. There aren't any left in first class."

My eyebrow twitches slightly as I try to figure out exactly what she is trying to tell me. Unfortunately, I cannot figure it out, and this is causing me to lose my temper very quickly. "Yes?"

She blinks again, the same expression on her face. I have this inexplicable urge to question her mental ability, but I keep a hold on my tongue. "There aren't any seats left in business class either. Only economy."

I repeat, slowly so that she can hear me, "Yes?"

"There's only seats left in economy."

"Yes?"

"Are you sure you want it?"

I take in a deep breath as I try to get through to her so that she can hear me. "Ojousan (2), I have been standing here for twenty minutes. I have told you, repeatedly, that I want this seat. Do you think you could do me a favor and just let me have it rather than asking me all of these silly questions? I have some place very important to go to, and I do not have time to waste telling you again that I am fine with what you can give me."

She looks shocked, but I feel rather pleased. It's about time I was able to get on somebody's nerves today, rather than it always being the other way around.

If you saw this, you'd be shaking your head. You'd be more than a little exasperated, as you're always trying to make me more polite to others. I don't know why you insist on that I'm reasonably polite to people when I feel them worthy of it. According to you, I always have to be polite no matter the situation. And I really don't want to. It's not in my personality, and I'm glad you try to accept that even though it goes against everything you believe in. I can't change to what you want me to be, just as you can't really do it either. Even though we always get annoyed by each other's faults, we learn to live with them. It's part of who we are, and I would find it difficult to believe you to be my Ryou if you suddenly lost that need of yours to be kind to every person you met no matter what they have done to you.

I don't know how you manage it, but I am indebted to it. If you did not have that quality, would it ever have been possible for us to get together in the first place?

By the end of the twelve-hour flight, I am beginning to understand why the receptionist was so hesitant to give me the seat. I do believe that was the most uncomfortable twelve hours of my life the only exception to that being the time I spent lounging about in Pegasus's dungeon. But even then, at least I had leg space. In the airplane, I learned the meaning to the concept of being stuck in a can of sardines.

It didn't help that I got on the wrong side of the people who were sitting around me. The man sitting in the aisle immediately recognized me, and somehow got the impression that I wanted people to speak to me. This led to an extremely long, largely one-sided conversation about I don't know what he was talking about. For the sake of my eardrums, I chose to tune him out until his inane babbling finally caused me to tell him to shut up.

As politely as I could, of course.

For some strange reason, he didn't appreciate my politeness. Still, at least I tried and although effort doesn't count for much, it's more than I usually offer.

The other person sitting beside me didn't last much longer, despite the demonstration that I had offered only minutes before. About half an hour after the plane had taken off, I took out a certain photograph which I had kindly removed from Meimi's presence (3). I hadn't really meant to bring it, but I did and I'm not going to complain.

Approximately two seconds after I had taken the picture out, I heard a soft sigh as the woman (who had figured out who I was due to the giddy conversation of the idiot sitting next to me) touched my arm lightly.

"Is that your girlfriend? She's really pretty."

It took me a moment to realize that she was talking to me, and a moment more to completely understand what she had just said. I couldn't help but smirk as I replied, without ever bothering to look up at her, "Yes, he is."

Needless to say, neither person bothered to speak to me for the rest of the trip. She never even said 'excuse me' when she had to get by me to go the restroom.

Well, I don't either. But that is a completely different story, Ryou. See, it's in my personality to be rude and impolite and no matter how much you try to change me to be otherwise, I'll probably always be the same. Well, with the exception of when I'm around you or Meimi, since she is still young and needs to be polite.

It's almost as if you're my drug. You change me so much for better, of course and it seems that I can never be the same without you. That is why I am spending so much effort to get you back; I need you to make me the person I want to be. Meimi she really is like you. And she has the same effect on me this need to be the best that I can be. I've always striven for the best, but my goals were more materialistic. The two of you have made me idealistic, although I'm unsure of the benefits of that. There might not be any, but I am sure there is.

After all, this is you and Meimi I am talking about.

The flight was a stop-over in San Francisco, and I do believe that somebody is full of spite because the plane we were supposed to take ended up with some type of malfunction. It appears that the person who wished so hastily for me to get you back is suddenly interested in making this as painful as possible. As soon as I resolve this whole mess, I am going to take some time off to hunt whoever is doing this to us. And hurt them.

A lot.

So after cursing the previously friendly car renter clerk due to discovering that driving to Los Angeles would take about eight hours, I paced around the airport until around 4:00. I could have tried to find a different flight, but knowing my luck that plane would probably end up crashing into the Pacific Ocean, and I have had enough troubles for one day. At least in America, I am not as well-known so nobody came up to harass me. If they had, I cannot assure their survival once I got through with them.

I know you dislike it when I act like this, I really do. You would say that it isn't anybody's fault, and that I shouldn't try to blame people for things they cannot control. But do you know what this is like, Ryou? Being incapable of doing anything being powerless? I want so much to make things the way they were, and when I finally get the chance I keep getting blocked by the most ridiculous things. No matter how hard I try, it always seems as if somebody is trying to stop me from meeting my ultimate goal. It's rare that I feel this frustrated because when it comes to KaibaCorp, I can usually get my way without much trouble. But now, when it comes to something important to me I can't do anything.

Finally, we were allowed to reboard a new plane (a replacement for the other that had malfunctioned), and I tried to relax. The people next to me were good enough to keep to themselves, which meant that there were no more uncomfortable moments on our way to Los Angeles.

To you.

I have been to Los Angeles several times before in order to work. They were all before you were there though. Which was a good thing, since even now I do not know if I would have visited you. I would like to think that yes, of course I would have visited you but what is the point of lying now?

There is a certain fear involved when traveling to a destination that is bound to have a profound influence on my life. It's usually minimal, and thus easily contained but this time, I am worried.

You see, even though I am pretty much convinced that you will not slam the door in my face when I show up on your front steps I can't be sure that I can convince you of my intentions. You seemed so definite when we last talked about the impossibility of our relationship ever working and I cannot be sure that I will change your mind.

But you never answered my question.

I need an answer, Ryou. We both do. How can either of us go through life without having an answer to that single question? You tell me that we cannot work, but I say that we cannot work without each other. It hurt me so much when I left, and I often wonder how I was able to do it.

According to Jyounouchi, you feel that pain too.

"We will be landing in Los Angeles in approximately twenty minutes. The captain has turned on the seat-belt light, so please return to your seats," an annoyingly chirpy voice informs us. It sounds so bright while I feel unusually tense. What would you say if you saw me now? Even though I try not to show my nervousness, I am only human. I get worried and frightened too. It's almost as if people think that I don't retain all the emotions humans have because I try my best not to show them.

You cracked my armor.

You make me smile.

I don't know how you do it, but there's just something about you. You can make me smile without even meaning to, and as I sit there grinning away like a complete idiot, you will flush and try to figure out what you did that is making me act like that. And if you happened to ask me what that thing is, I wouldn't be able to tell you anything more than you already know. You make me smile. That's all I have ever known; that is all I have ever needed to know.

During that week the start of what was never meant to be but happened anyway I told you things that I would never tell anybody else. I couldn't help it. Your eyes are just so big and innocent, and you take in everything while doing your best to care even though you sometimes couldn't understand a word I said. I confided in you because I trusted you. And I trusted you even though I barely knew you.

There are many reasons why I love you, and it would take me some time to list them all off. What I couldn't figure out though was why you loved me.

Everyone thinks of this, sooner or later, but I thought of this too often to be ignored. We didn't really seem compatible you were simply too different from me. Yet it worked out, in the end, and I no longer question why it did. Instead, I question why it ever ended, and I know that there really is nobody to blame but myself.

I tried to blame other people, just as Mami said. But I am the one who is guilty, and I no longer try to deny it. There is no point in denying it, anyway.

Right now though I'm frightened.

I'm frightened that all my efforts will go to waste, and that no matter what I do nothing will happen. That we will go back to our lives without each other, and spend the rest of our lives wondering why we couldn't it make it work when we both wanted it to. I'm scared that the only thing I will end up doing is hurting you more than you already have been hurt. I have many fears, but there is one thought that overwhelms all my fears.

I am doing something.

I'm not waiting for something to happen. I'm not waiting for you to come to me again, like Jyounouchi said. I'm going to you, and I'll be damned if I let you escape again because of my stupidity.

Looking out the window, I can see the bright lights of LA beneath the airplane. There are many cars just as there are many cars in Japan. But in America, people tend to drive a lot more. I'm sure that drives you absolutely crazy, Ryou. You never bothered to learn how to drive, protesting that it was hazardous to the environment.

I cannot look away from the lights for there, hidden among the mass you are waiting for me. Well, not really waiting for me since you don't know that I am coming. But you're there. You're there somewhere. And with that knowledge, the night lights seem to be exceptionally beautiful today.

The streets are very crowded, and although I should be used to this from Japan, I still have this insistent urge to hit my head against the steering wheel repeatedly. I am in a hurry, and this is not making me feel any better. Not that anything but being in front of you would make me feel better right now anyway. This is simply worsening my already dark mood, and now I am absolutely sure there is some type of conspiracy going on.

The radio is on, turned to an English news channel. I tried looking for a Japanese station but the only one I could find was playing love songs and the last thing I want to hear now is a love song.

"And in other news, a young woman today claims that she saw Mutou Yuugi necking with a see-through Black Magician while a stuffed seal looked on. Police are looking into the possibility of drug abuse."

In case nobody has noticed yes, I'm kidding. Although the possibility of such a situation amuses me greatly; the high and mighty king of games getting caught with his lovely inanimate objects. It would be a great thing to taunt him about, although lately he doesn't really care anymore. Still, such news is much more interesting then what is being said right now, and I always have been prone to amusing myself in the most unusual ways.

As the reporter's voice drones off, I tap my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel. When I get bored, I tend to find myself drifting off which isn't always a good thing since people often bore me. Like the make inu. People wonder how I am able to endure his attempts at insults but it's really quite simple.

I'm not listening to him.

I tend to drift off when I'm talking to you too but it's not boredom. It's almost as if I'm paying too much attention to every detail so that I will never forget it.

Although it worked, didn't it? I do remember you, and I always will.

It surprises people that I can be so utterly (and pathetically) romantic, but it's just another aspect of me that surprises people. I don't bother to question it. There are too many other things for me to deal without worrying about why parts of me don't seem to fit with the rest. We can't all be puzzles and have our pieces perfectly with each other. There will always be the awkward parts that we just don't know what to do with.

When I first had attractions toward you, I thought it was a mistake. Well, mistake was putting it lightly. I thought I was hallucinating, and more than once entertained the possibility that you had done something to me. Not something innocent something along the lines of putting drugs in my food.

I tried to hide the feelings that I was having. I pretended that it was nothing, but just the result of a misplaced sense of deprivation from Mokuba. Except the problem was that these feelings had started sooner, and there was only so much I could blame on separation.

I told you, that night when I finally confessed my love, that the week was my attempt to put my feelings at rest. And it was true; getting together with you was my way of proving to myself that the feelings were not real. And if you ended up hating me as well so much for the better. I needed to get you out of my thoughts, and so I went through with my 'experiment'.

I never told you this though I tried so hard not to love you.

You have many flaws, Ryou. Flaws that I seized and tried to make more than they really were. But even with those flaws, I couldn't change my feelings. You were just too sad, I guess. Hating somebody as sad as you didn't do anything except make me feel guilty, and so I had to stop doing that. I tried to tell myself that the feelings were not love, but something else. Anything else.

And then you kissed me.

I had been doing a good job of denying my feelings until you kissed me. It was before the auction house incident, and it really wasn't much. You just kissed my cheek before scampering out of the car like a frightened bunny.

What prompted you to give me that kiss, Ryou? There wasn't anybody really watching us; there wasn't any need. But you did it anyway, and for who's benefit? Yours or mine?

Both of us, perhaps?

After that, I couldn't deny my feelings for you anymore. Even when you slapped me and told me that I was selfish. It just wasn't something that I expected out of you, and so I found myself listening to your words more carefully than I ever have for anyone else.

You're so shy and sincere, and because of those two qualities I can't ignore what you have to say. You're more careful with words, so it's rare that you say something without really meaning it. Especially around the people you don't know very well like me.

And that night we first made love (4), I hadn't really meant to. I don't think you did either but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it was a mistake because it certainly wasn't that. It was a happy accident that I cannot and will not regret. And I knew afterwards that I was more than eager to spend the rest of my life with you.

Well, I knew it all along.

"And in other news, environmentalist writer Ryou Bakura was hit by a drunk driver at about 6:00. Mr. Bakura is the writer of several books detailing the plight of the environment. Medics arrived at the scene quickly and transferred to the UCLA medical facilities"

The car comes to a screeching halt as I narrowly manage to stop rather than running a red light. Several drivers feel it necessary to remind me of my narrow escape, some by honking and some by rather colorful language.

I sit there, in shock. My hands are clenched tightly around the steering wheel, and my breathing is heavy.

Ryou?

Hit by a car?

It feels like I can't breath. How can this have happened and to you? You're such a careful person. I don't want to believe this, and I barely can. It's Ryou. It's you.

Why you?

When the light turns green, I immediately slam my foot on the gas and make a U-turn, making my way towards the nearest gas station. Hopefully, somebody in there will be able to give me the quickest directions to where they have taken you.

And the only thing that runs through my mind is a continued denial that this could have happened.

There was a time you were sitting on a wall when I came up to you from behind. I put my hand on your shoulder and you were so shocked that you fell backwards. I was able to catch you but we both ended up falling, and you hit your head on my shoulder, causing you to be woozy for a while.

I don't know why I am thinking about this suddenly, but it doesn't matter. The point is that I was there to catch you. When you were in trouble, at least I could help you. But now it seems like I've allowed you to go through something horrible on your own. Without me to help you.

If only I was there for you, Ryou. Would any of this have happened then?

Mokuba once got a fever that was bad enough to send him to the hospital emergency ward. I will never forget that experience; it was when I had first started taking care of Mokuba on my own, and I was terrified. I know now that it probably wasn't anything life-threatening with proper treatment, but at the time I didn't know that and was truly worried that I would lose Mokuba.

Perhaps it was this fear that caused me to hate hospitals so much, even though I am grateful to them for helping take care of my brother. But despite that, the overwhelming fear of losing somebody I cared for was too much to bear.

These memories come back as I walk into the hospital, wincing as the familiar smell overwhelms my senses. The bright white of the walls, floors, and people seem to be a starking contrast to the red that paints the operating tables.

I can't help but feel awkward as I walk into the area. My English is good but it's still strange to hear everyone speaking that as they scurry about their duties.

Feeling braver than I really am, I walk up to the nurse's desk. She is bent over somebody's files, and I wonder fleetingly if it's yours. Still, there's no point in musing over such things and I prepare to ask her where you are when she suddenly looks up at me, her brown eyes stoic.

"Yes?" she asks curtly.

"I'm looking for someone."

"Name?"

"Bakura Ryou."

She doesn't reply for a moment, and I can't help but wonder if I'm even in the right place. The person who gave me the directions seemed pretty sure of himself, but what happens if I'm in the completely wrong building? It's rare that I feel this paranoid, but it is a situation that is very different from a business deal. This isn't about my company, it's about me. Trying to find somebody who I never should have let go of.

"The doctors are operating on him right now. Please take a seat," she gestures at the many chairs in the reception area. They look comfortable but when as tense as most of the occupants are, they might as well be made of wood. Most of the chairs are filled. The people sitting in them have faces that range over a variety of emotions fear, grief, anger. Some try to hide their emotions but it rarely works in this type of situation. Some try to take their minds off the grave situation by reading books or magazines. But most of those people have been on the same page since they came in, for they are still too worried to be able to read properly.

Silently, I make my way to a seat next to a couple. Both look older than me, and the woman has their daughter sitting in her lap. She's a little older than Meimi.

I don't know why I am bothering to notice this. Maybe it is because I will feel better by distracting myself. Or attempting to distract myself.

My hands are clasped together as I stare up at the ceiling. I still can't believe this has happened. It just feels so random, so impossible. I had expected, perhaps naively, that I would be able to find you without any hassles. The worst I expected was for you to slam the door in my face, but at least you would still be in good health.

I didn't expect this.

I run a hand through my hair as I close my eyes. Now my mind is filled with what ifs. What if you don't ever recover from this? What if something happens so that you never wake up again? What if somebody makes a mistake?

And would any of this have happened if I had gotten here on time? If the plane hadn't been delayed in San Francisco or if I had made more effort to find another flight? Would this still have happened? Or would we both be safe perhaps not together but at least this wouldn't have happened.

Of course, if I had never abandoned you, none of this would have happened.

If this hadn't been a hospital, I would have put my fist through a wall by now. Is this all my fault? Could I have prevented it some way? I promised to take care of you, Ryou. I promised but look at what has happened to us. Look at what has happened to you.

How could I let this happen?

Why do you people always blame yourself for things that you cannot control?> somebody asks bluntly, and with more than a little annoyance.

Surprised, I look up and find myself face to face with none other than Yami no Bakura.

Notes:

Note 1 has been removed, as song lyrics have been removed and note is no longer applicable.

(2) Younger woman. No, I don't know how Seto knows this woman is younger than him. Maybe he's psychic?

(3) This was happily inspired by a student on the Italy exchange. On the plane, he took out a framed picture of him and his girlfriend, put it on the table, and more or less stared at it for the rest of the flight.

(4) PM is, for some reason, amused with this wording but can't figure out how else to say it without being very blunt.

PM:is shoved into the author notes by a very annoyed Yami, who is now dressed up like a giant seal for no reason other than the writer felt like doing it: Only one more chapter to go, mina-san. Sorry this chapter was still pretty short but it was supposed to be combined with the last chapter. I separated them because the date line difference just seemed too confusing frankly, it's still confusing to me. --;; Oh well PM never said she had a big brain. Or any brain. :thinks about that for a moment: ANYWHO. I'm not going to be around next Sunday. I'm leaving for Europe on Friday (MORNING at 6 AM:dies:), but I'm pretty sure I should still be able to get the last chapter up on Sunday (the 13th) by bribing a friend of mine. Just telling you in case you have any questions because well, if it's too late, I won't be able to answer any of them.

Pikachumaniac


	14. Embrace

Disclaimer: YGO belongs to the great Takahashi-sama… which is good because I can't draw for beans anyway. gets pelted by rotten vegetables KYAAAAAAA! glad she didn't mention anything about her lack of writing skills… gets pelted by more vegetables and finally shuts up 

Look the Other Way

Last chapter, minna! It takes place directly after the previous chapter and continues on to the wee hours of Monday morning, and is in Seto's POV. I ended up beta-reading this myself, so I apologize beforehand for any possible mistakes. I assure you… they're all my fault.

Additionally, several people have been asking if they can use concepts from these stories… like the word 'yadonushi'. Well, if it's something like Yuki (not that I actually think somebody would want to use him, but he's popped up in some pretty unexpected places), then that is mine and I would like you to ask. But if it's information that I get out of the manga or anime, you don't need to ask. It's not mine anyway. :)

With that said, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Arigatou for making it this far, mina-san!

_Embrace_

_Why do you people always blame yourself for things that you cannot control?>_

I am about halfway out of my seat when the Sennen Ring's spirit suddenly pulls us into the darkness. It is a strange feeling that still seems familiar, even though I have never participated in a yami no game (2). Scowling, I start to sit back down only to realize that there is no seat. I stand up, keeping a wary eye on the former thief. Although the 'former' part is only a guess on my behalf… since I have not seen any news detailing the exploits of three thousand year old thieves, I only assume that he hasn't been stealing.

There is a smirk on Yami no Bakura's face, and I know that it is no use to ask him how he has managed to accomplish any of this. But I must take a certain amount of relief from his presence; after all, he would not leave you if you were still in danger since he needs you as a host to survive.

Although I suppose there is more than a slight possibility that you are dying and he has come here only to punish me before both of you disappear forever.

My heart jumps as I shake my head, trying to clear that thought from my head. I honestly hope that is not the case, and I refuse to believe in the possibility that I might end up losing you again… and this time for good. I know I have made a lot of mistakes, but it doesn't change the fact that I _can't_ lose you. Not like this… not so soon. It's taken me so long to figure out what I really wanted, and now that I have I can't let it slip away.

"Shinkan Seto," Yami no Bakura greets sardonically as he uses my past title. At least, that's what I think it is from my conversations with Yami and Isis. I don't know why he does it though; I know nothing of my past as part of the pharaoh's court. It is something that I don't particularly want to know either. There are already so many things I need to do in my present, so why bother worrying about the past? It has no direct effect on what I do now, and thus it is not important. That is one of the things that always frustrated me about Yami… this obsession with his past. He gave it up in order to stay with Yuugi, but I don't see why it's so complicated.

After all, sometimes things are better on being left alone.

"What are you doing here?" I can only assume that he is now capable of speaking because we are no longer part of the real world, but it doesn't really make much of a difference. Although I wonder why humans are able to think of such ridiculous things at a time like this. When one should be worried by matters that are very grave, why do we think of things that make no difference? It is almost as if we can't help being so odd.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking what you are doing here, shinkan?" he asks as he quickly dodges my question. "After all, this strange country is quite far from where you live. Don't tell me that even after scaring off the yadonushi, you chase after him like a dog nipping at the heels of someone who is already walking away."

I can only grit my teeth as my fists clench. It is probably a good thing that he has brought us into the darkness so that no one can see me lose my temper so easily. Or the entire fact that I am speaking to someone that nobody else can see.

Immediately, I am reminded of what happened eight years ago. Although Yami no Bakura had chosen to approach Yami instead of me that time, I could still see him. I chose not to acknowledge that fact, and he did the same. Still, this is a stunning reminder of events that happened so long ago.

He hasn't changed at all… Yami no Bakura, that is. He, like Yami no Yuugi, continues to look the same way that they did fourteen years ago. Both of them do not age, and it is strange to watch both you and Yuugi grow up while your darker counterparts do not.

The few times I have spoken to Yami no Bakura, your presence was always there to keep him in line. The only time I saw him without you was that time he went to Yami in order to help rescue you from Big 5's subordinates. To be frank, I never could figure out why he bothered to help. You weren't being threatened directly, yet he still intervened on your behalf.

I once tried to ask you about this, and the only thing you did was look somewhat surprised before replying, "Just because he doesn't act like it doesn't mean he never cares."

As soon as those words had left your mouth, you winced as if you had been hit. I knew at once that it was Yami no Bakura, who is a witness to everything we do. Which, in my opinion, is not a good thing. But we both learned to live with it, and he didn't interfere in your life as much.

"Why do I need to explain myself to you?" I snap, my temper short. What I want most right now is to know how you are, and instead I am being confronted by your other half. "Why do you care about why I am here?"

"I don't care," is the simple reply as Yami no Bakura leans comfortably against an invisible pillar of some sort. "But the yadonushi does."

I've always hated the way he calls you that. I don't see why you accept it so quietly, and we've argued about that on several occasions. We probably shouldn't have, since the Sennen Ring's spirit is capable of watching your every move, but I was just so angry and I couldn't understand how you let him treat you in such a fashion.

It's hard dealing with Yami no Bakura's presence. I would like to think that I can protect you from anything, but how can I protect you from somebody who lives within you? It never fails to escape me that often times, I can't protect the people I care for; that instead, their welfare does not depend on me but the good will of others. Take Mokuba, for example. I would not have been able to save him if it wasn't for Yami and Yuugi, although I would prefer to pretend that the incident never took place. And you… I can't tell Yami no Bakura to act kinder to you. I can't do anything, it seems. I can't protect you from him, the accident, yourself….

Me.

My nails dig into my skin as I try to calm myself. To my surprise, Yami no Bakura doesn't say anything… I can sense him watching me, but he has yet to say something cruel or sardonic. Which is out of character for him, considering what I have heard said about him.

"Is he going to be all right?" I find myself asking, completely against my will. But it is a question that has been plaguing me for some time, and it doesn't fail to escape me that the person best-suited to answer that question is the one who is tormenting me so. Not to imply that I think he will answer my question; frankly, I do not think he will. But there is a possibility, although slim, and I will use it.

"He'll live, if that's what you're talking about," is the unruffled reply. "He'll be in one piece. The broken bones… they'll repair themselves. I can use the Sennen Ring to heal him faster, at least. It isn't as if I can get anywhere if my property is damaged like this."

My temper snaps, although I am still able to keep myself from rushing the thief. "Don't call him that, damn it! He's not your property!"

"Oh, let me guess," the red eyes narrow although the mouth is still twisted in a smirk. "You think he's yours, hmm? Yours to do anything with, whether that is to make yourself feel better or to convince yourself that you're in the right no matter what you do. Yours to sleep with, to use as comfort, or to throw away like garbage when you are no longer in need of him…."

"Urusei!"

"How are you any different from me, shinkan? Are you any different from me? You may sweeten your thoughts and intentions with nice words, but when stripped of your excuses and decorations, we really are the same when it comes to the yadonushi. I do believe that you don't have any right to lecture me."

"I. Care. For. Him," I hiss through gritted teeth. If I wasn't so angry, I might applaud this being. Few people have the ability to turn the tide against me so quickly; suddenly, I am on the defensive while he reigns supreme. How did he manage to do that, I wonder.

But now is not the time to be wondering about such petty things.

"And I suppose in your small mind, that makes all the difference," Yami no Bakura smiles . "Both you and the yadonushi need to grow up, I think."

A split second later, I am lunging at the spirit. But before I can draw back, or even brace myself, I find myself going through him as if he is not even there.

"Ku." He clicks his tongue as he turns around, hand on his hip in a pose that suddenly reminds me of Otogi. "Even though this is my territory, I still don't have a physical body. Better not try that again, shinkan. You might just end up hurting yourself again, and I don't think the yadonushi would like that."

"And since when was that of your concern? You didn't even manage to take care of him when the car was heading towards him! Did you get scared?" I spit out, practically seeing red.

Before I can blink, Yami no Bakura has grabbed me by the shirt. I suppose the rules of not having a physical body do not apply to him, but I don't care anymore. I reply by gripping his wrist and wrenching myself free. I barely notice the fact that he is quite solid.

"Who ever said it was my duty to take care of him?" the white-haired spirit hisses as he nurses his wrist. I must have used more force than I thought, but that is not of my concern. "I can't make him do what he doesn't want to do. I can't make him live if he doesn't want to live. You tell me that I interfere too much with his life, and now you are asking me _why_ I didn't interfere with his life enough? Don't you think that is contradictory?"

"What are you getting at?" I growl.

He throws his hands up, obviously exasperated with my behavior. "Don't you think I tried to take control? Do you think I like the idea of having my _host_, my _body_ being hit by one of those metal horses? Now he's going through one of those ordeals where people cut him up… ah, so modern! You seem to think that I wanted all of this to happen… as if I have something to benefit from this situation. Shinkan, any idiot can tell you… you don't deliberately try and hurt what is necessary for your existence."

"Why didn't you take control?"

He rolls his eyes, leaning against that invisible pillar again. I almost want to reach out and see if there is anything there but I have a feeling that there isn't. I'm beginning to think that everything in this place depends on your belief. That ultimately, your belief dictates what is really there and what isn't. If you believe in something, it will appear. And if you choose not to believe in something, you can erase it from your own, personal reality.

"He blocked me," he mutters, shaking his head.

I start. What is he implying? Does he honestly think that _you_ really wanted to…?

A bark of harsh laughter jolts me out of those thoughts, and I look up to glare at the thief. He is laughing, red eyes gleaming sadistically as he says, "He's not suicidal, if that is what you are thinking. I doubt that the yadonushi really meant to do that… if he did, he probably would have done it a long time ago. It was an accident… the fool didn't even know what he was doing. But because of that, I couldn't get through and I couldn't take over."

"Would you have?"

"Omoshiroi (3), shinkan. You seem to have many questions now." Again, he dodges the question. And again, I feel unreasonably upset and frustrated by his behavior. Few people dare to treat me that way, and I don't like it when people actually do.

"Daga… (4) like I said, I can't make him live if he doesn't want to. I can keep his body alive, but to actually live? He has to do that on his own. I can't do everything for him… it isn't practical. It'll really just be a waste of my time, and I don't really like wasting my time. If he wants to live, he has to do it on his own. I can't help him there. I can't force him to do something as big as that. Can you?

"He is my responsibility, I suppose. But I can't live his life for him. I can't tell him what to do all the time. He may be older than I was when I started to steal (5), but that doesn't mean he isn't still growing and making mistakes. I allow him to make those mistakes… he needs to see the consequences of his actions. If it's gotten to the point where he will die, I interfere. But otherwise… it's his life. Not mine. It's not mine to meddle in."

He takes a step closer to me, finally straying from the invisible pillar as he steps right up to me. I am much taller than him, but he still seems menacing.

"But I'm meddling now, aren't I?" he seems amused by this idea as he runs a finger across my face (6). "You look much nicer now then you did in Egypt, shinkan. I think it was the hat… I personally found it very ugly. About as bad as Mahaado's… I don't know if he was deliberately trying to look like a horned animal, but that was always the impression that I got."

"Get to the point," I growl, feeling very impatient.

"Do I have one?"

I scowl as I push him away, "You must have one, if you are taking the time to talk to me like this. You said it yourself… you don't like to waste your time. So if you are doing this, you must have some reason. And I would like to know what that reason is rather than having you waste _my_ time."

"My intention could be as simple as trying to mess with your mind, you realize. And what does it matter to me if I am wasting your time? Since when do I need to care about what happens to you? If I do care, the only reason is because of the yadonushi. Who, by the way, is currently unconscious and will never know of this conversation if I don't want him to."

"You care enough to come and ask me why I am here," I reply as coolly as I can, although I don't really feel calm. There is something about Yami no Bakura that just gets me, although I do not know what it is.

"Because of him. _He_ cares for you. I don't know why he does… sometimes, I have to think that the pharaoh's barking friend has a point when he asks why the yadonushi cares for you. Especially after what you did to him. Do you know what it's like having to listen to eight years worth of complaints and self-doubts? Honest to Ra, I was ready to throw him back into your arms if only to stop his _whining_. Eight years of that, shinkan. I suppose you know that already…. But that is why. I really, really just want him to shut up. This isn't half as annoying as the time he ran around humming love songs… although that was pretty annoying too. If he has to be happy to be quiet, I will make him happy. If the only way for him to be happy, he has to have you, I will get you for him. And if you are here, I will tell you to talk to him as soon as possible and to get this whole mess done with so that at least he can have some peace of mind. Ra knows he needs it….

"I'm telling you this right now because I don't want anyone to think that I am becoming soft. I just want him to shut up and move on with his life, and the only way he can do that is with you."

I can't help but be shocked by his words, although I manage to hide that shock by smirking, "But you do care for him, don't you?"

He grunts as the Sennen Ring glows and he moves closer to me so that I can feel his breath on my neck, "Don't push it, shinkan. Out of all of the pharaoh's witless friends, I should be glad the yadonushi chose you. But either way, the last thing I will admit is that I care for the spineless idiot."

Then, before I can blink, he pulls himself up in order to bite on my earlobe (7). I manage not to yelp although it hurts, and my eyes water slightly from the sudden pain.

The next thing I know, I'm back in the hospital room and sitting down in the seat. Yami no Bakura is nowhere to be seen, and I might have thought this was all a dream if it wasn't for the continued stinging pain from where he just bit my ear.

I wince as I finger my earlobe. It hurts quite a bit, and I tell myself that I will have to have a word with you about your psychotic spirit (parasite) when I get to see you.

"What happened to your ear?" a voice asks from next to me, and I turn to see the girl who was sitting in her mother's lap. However, she is now sitting by herself, and a quick glance tells me that her parents are speaking to the receptionist.

My face flushes as I silently curse Yami no Bakura, "Nothing, ojouchan (8)."

"Oh… are you Japanese too?" she shifts in her seat. "Mommy and daddy's friend is Japanese… he's nice to me. I hope he's okay. You know him, right?"

She says everything quickly so that it takes me a while to fully acknowledge what she is saying. I wonder why she doesn't bother to catch her breath, but wisely decide not to ask her that.

"Who is your parent's friend?"

"Mr. Bakura, of course," she looks at me with this expression that seems to radiate Yami no Bakura's condescending glares. "You did come here to see him, didn't you? I heard you talk to the receptionist that you are."

"Yes, I did," I acknowledge, wondering why I am doing this. She kind of reminds me of Meimi… except she talks faster (and in English) and is a little more straightforward. Meimi has this habit of running around in circles before she asks her questions, which both makes me want to laugh and scream at the same time.

"Daddy's his editor," she informs me. "But he's also a family friend. Mommy says he's going to be okay. I really hope she's right."

I find myself smiling as I say, "Daijoubu da. He'll be okay."

"Are you his boyfriend?"

My mind immediately draws a blank. If you were here, I can just see you turning a bright shade of red as you try to stammer an explanation or a question or anything along those lines. As for me, I feel so calm right now that I choose to answer the question without worrying about the consequences.

"Yes. Why do you think that?"

Perhaps that is a bit of a lie… since we're not quite together yet. I hope you don't mind a little white lie, but I don't really know what else to say. I don't know how much you have told these people about your past relationships, and I don't want to reveal anything that you don't want them to know.

"My teacher says that if you really love someone, you can sense them and how they feel," she explains simply.

There was a time I would have wondered what on earth teachers have been filling kid's brains with… especially such romantic notions. But in a way, you learn to read people when you're close to them. I don't think her teacher meant those words in a way where you can sense them psychically, but being in the same room and such. She might have simply misinterpreted it.

I am about to reply when I am interrupted.

"Naomi, don't bother other people," her mother suddenly comes up. She looks up at me, an apologetic look on her face, "I'm sorry… I hope she wasn't being troublesome."

"It's okay… she wasn't bothering me at all."

"That's good," the woman smiles as she ushers Naomi away. "I'm sorry, but I've got to take her out to eat something. Would you like anything?"

"No thank you," I reply, the smile still on my face. I don't quite know why I am still smiling like this, but I can't seem to wipe it off my face.

In a way, Yami no Bakura's words did help me… and I can't help but wonder if that is what his real intent was. It's hard to tell with him, and I know if I ask him he will just try to kill me. I know he won't, deep down, because as he said, you still need me and anything to shut you up….

For the first time since I got off that airplane, I feel relaxed. Rather than being worried about how everything can end up failing, I can only think of how for once, everything seems so much better….

* * *

Several hours passed before we heard any update of your condition, and I used that time to make a phone call in case the others heard the news. I don't know if they would have without my call, but I called Otogi nevertheless. I'm not sure why I called him… I'm closest to Yami, although that really isn't closeness but a rivalry. Still, Otogi seems to be better at handling situations than the make inu, and I didn't want to deal with a long bellow about how I should have taken care of you using psychic powers or something of the sort.

Speaking of which, Otogi was pretty reasonable… after he calmed down from one of his hysterics. Perhaps I should have found some way of saying 'Ryou was hit by a car' more delicately, but those were the first words out of my mouth and before I could assure him that you would be all right, he was ranting and raving. Perhaps it is a good sign of how much he cares for you and all, but I would have found it terribly annoying if he was doing that for me. I already found it tedious to listen to him act like that already, and it took me quite a while to shut him up to tell him that you were going to make it.

Perhaps I should not take Yami no Bakura's words completely to heart, but on this point I just have to trust him. It's better than imagining that you might wind up being a vegetable for the rest of your life… I don't know what I would do if that was the case.

I've never been much of an optimist, but I don't think this is really being optimistic. I just have this feeling, this intuition, that you are going to be fine. Well, physically and mentally, at least.

Yami no Bakura seems worried for you, you know. Yami no Bakura, of all people… he doesn't need to worry about emotions. As long as you have all your limbs working and your mental state is secure, he shouldn't need to care anymore. Emotions are not necessary to him, especially yours.

He claims that he is tired of listening to you. I can't help but smile every time I think of that… it is really just a way of covering up his concern for you, isn't it?

It is lucky he cannot hear my thoughts….

The nurse came in a while ago to tell us that the operation was over and that you were going to be okay. Of course, I already knew this, but she gave us a run down of all the different injuries. You had been lucky in that the driver had been somewhat intelligent enough to slow down when he saw you, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you might have a slight limp for the rest of your life.

I'm not really that worried though, Ryou. You're such a paradox… at some times you seem so fragile and delicate, able to shatter at any moment. But I know that you're strong, and that you will get over everything. Despite everything that happens, you will be able to find peace and get over this incident.

I don't think I've ever really lost sight of you all this time. Even though you were not by my side anymore, it was as if I could always sense your presence… so motivating and loving.

We'll get through this, Ryou. I can only hope now that you will let me help you in that process.

Currently, the people who have been sitting in the waiting room seem to be playing a game of musical chairs. Some of the people are still here, but others have left and been replaced by new people.

Naomi is sleeping in the chair next to me. Her parents had been speaking a while ago, but then the receptionist called over her father and they are still talking to each other. The mother has dozed off during the conversation, and I feel like following her example.

At the same time, I can't sleep because I'm too busy trying to eavesdrop on the conversation between the two, but it hasn't been very successful. I have no idea what is going on, and I can't figure it out at all.

My attempts are finally interrupted when the two break off the conversation, causing me to sigh. I wasn't able to hear anything except some muttered fragments, and that was absurdly unhelpful. I'm now starting to feel even more annoyed, especially since I know nothing of your progress since this whole ordeal started.

"He's awake, Kim. The nurse we can go see him."

I immediately jerk as I stare at the couple. Naomi is still asleep, but I'm sure that will not be the case any longer. Still, that's not why I am suddenly so awake.

Why wasn't I informed of this turn of events?

I quickly get up, wincing slightly as I have been sitting in the same position for the past couple of hours or so. Walking over to the nurse, I try to remain as calm as I possibly can. After all, it wouldn't be very good to get kicked out of here when I'm so close to seeing you again….

"I'm sorry, but only relatives and close friends are allowed to see the patient," she says without even looking up at me. It's almost as if she is psychic, but that amusing concept fails to have any impact on me.

"But then when can I see him?" I reply, completely ignoring the fact that a pleading tone seems to be laced in my voice. I don't want to sound pleading… I hate it. I hate thinking that I am in someone's debt, that I need somebody's assistance, but this is more important than my pride.

This is… you.

"Visiting hours are from noon to four, Monday through Saturday."

"Demo…." Her eyebrow raises at my slip of Japanese, but I ignore that. I can be patient, I guess, but there is only so much else I am willing to go through today. I have been running around trying desperately to get a word in with you. The plane trip, the delay, the traffic, this whole hospital stay… it's almost as if everyone is trying to keep me away from you today. I finally find the confidence within myself to do something about my mistake, but no one is allowing me to do so. Instead, I keep getting blocked by event after event, as if this is a test.

_ If he has to be happy to be quiet, I will make him happy. If the only way for him to be happy, he has to have you, I will get you for him. And if you are here, I will tell you to talk to him as soon as possible and to get this whole mess done with so that at least he can have some peace of mind. Ra knows he needs it…._ Yami no Bakura's words echo in my mind, over and over again.

"I need to see him now."

"I'm sorry sir, but the rules say…."

I don't want to beg, I really don't. But I'm about to start doing it anyway.

"Please… I have to get in there."

"I'm sorry, but…."

"But he's Mr. Bakura's boyfriend!" Naomi pipes up, and there is a long moment of silence following her statement. I turn slightly red (whether from embarrassment or annoyance, I'm not sure) when everyone turns to stare at me. "He told me so himself!"

Well, actually she asked….

"I wasn't aware that Ryou had a boyfriend yet… he seemed quite depressed when he came to visit me last night," her father comments mildly as he looks at me. This time, when I flush, it is definitely from embarrassment, as I know exactly why you were so depressed.

"We had a misunderstanding."

We had a misunderstanding eight years ago, to be exact. It took me eight years to fix my mistake… and I know that is rather pathetic, but better late than never, as the old cliché goes.

"What took you?"

I stare at him, although I manage to keep my expression somewhat calm, "What do you mean by that?"

"I had expected you to come earlier."

My eyebrow raises and I decline to reply, instead waiting for him to explain further. I guess that means that you did talk about it once or twice… although that sounds pretty out of character for you, if I do say so myself. You don't like discussing your private life, even if it's with somebody who is very close to you. It took me so long to get you to talk about your younger sister and the divorce your parents had… remember? So I am surprised that you would have talked about _us_ to these people, no matter how close they were to you.

"Before I take on anyone, I like to check their history. My Japanese isn't very good, but Kim's is. And you might be surprised to see how many articles there were about the two of you on the Internet," he explains, a knowing smile on his face. I can't help but feel like I'm being looked down upon, something that definitely does not bode well with me.

"Does Ryou know you know?"

"He doesn't talk about it to me, so I don't talk about it to him. But it did explain why he always seemed so lonely the entire time he was here."

Again, I don't reply to that observation. I don't really know how to reply anyway… I could agree but he already knows that I agree. So there would be no point in doing that.

"I just need to see him again," I finally mutter, looking away. I hate surprises like these… usually, I can predict what is going to happen and then brace myself for it. But this…? I didn't see any of it. I never contemplated a relationship with you, and once we were together I never expected to break up with you. I didn't expect you to come back either, and to awaken all these feelings that I tried to keep buried. I didn't anticipate this need for you, this desire to keep you safe by having you close to me. I didn't think any of this would happen, but now that it is I can't do anything to stop it.

Do I want to stop it though? Do I want to go back to my life without you?

I thought of you so often… I can only wonder now why I never came after you. There are excuses, of course, but all of them seem petty and frail, too weak to have any substance. Was it fear then? Fear that I would come and you would just walk away from me?

You have already walked away from me several times in the past week, and it is something that is very painful. But I lived with it, despite everything. And although I know it can easily happen again (although in this case, I will have to be the one dragged out of the room since you are probably in no condition to get up), I'm willing to risk it for a chance to make you smile again.

This past week… for the first time, I really got to see how sad you were. It was as if our relationship had never occurred, but then I would catch glimpses of your smile. Especially with Meimi… you really seemed to love her. Do you know how much she loves you too? She's always been accepting, but never this quickly and this deeply. I don't know what you did to her to leave such a strong impression, but perhaps it is what you do with everyone. Your gentle kindness and quiet personality… it's entrancing and intriguing. You're such a wonderful person, Ryou, but it's almost as if you won't see it unless somebody shows you.

I jerk when the receptionist places a hand on my arm, her eyes soft. This entire scene is rather embarrassing, but I'm beyond the point of caring. The only thing I can think of is how much I want to see you, how much I need to speak to you.

You've had such an effect on people, although I doubt you've noticed it. Yuugi-tachi, Meimi, Mokuba, Emi, Aoko… sometimes you've only seen them once and already they care for you so much. Mami is the only person who I have ever seen hate you, but that is the person she is. She hurt you, and I hate her for that. But you can't really let her affect you that much, can you? She might believe she is right but that doesn't mean she is….

"I don't want you getting him worked up, you understand?" she asks me firmly, although I am a bit lost on what this 'worked up' means. I don't quite think I will be making him work at anything, but it might just be some phrase that I haven't learned yet. My English is great but it's not perfect… probably not as good as yours anyway, since I only bothered to learn for the sake of my company while you learned because you came to live here.

"Yes," I reply, almost mechanically.

"Don't make him stressed, and if he is tired I want you to leave the room immediately," she continues sternly, her expression reminding me of you that time you tried to lecture me about being more polite to others. What ended up happening was that I interrupted your lecture by kissing you, and the rest of the conversation more or less died as we engaged in more pleasant activities that didn't involve glaring and scowling.

"Yes," I repeat, grateful but somewhat impatient. I can't help but be thankful that she is letting me see you, but at the same time she is still keeping me from you with her seemingly endless rules and regulations.

She looks at me suspiciously before sighing, "All right. Come on."

"Good luck," the woman… Kim, I believe is her name, smiles encouragingly.

I pause from where I had been following the receptionist before turning to look at the three of them. And I smile again, despite the nervousness I am feeling.

"… thanks."

* * *

"Mr. Bakura, there's somebody to see you. Are you fine with that?"

I can't hear your reply, but several seconds later she opens the door and ushers me in briskly. As I enter, I can see your eyes widen and you try to sit up. That attempt doesn't last long because next thing I know, she's shoved right by me and is glaring down at you with fire in her eyes.

"Don't you dare try to sit up, young man," she seems to snarl. Both you and I sweatdrop as she continues to rant and rave about safety and not overworking yourself, etc., and the din seems to last for several hours before she finally walks out of the room, shooting both of us a suspicious glare as she leaves.

I'm still staring after her, somewhat dazed, when your voice breaks me back to reality.

"Se… Seto?"

I walk to where a chair has been placed next to your bed, nodding as I do so, "Ryou."

"Wha… what are you doing here?"

"Otogi told me what happened. The dog gave me your address, and then…."

"Don't call him that, Seto," you plead, although exasperation is lacing your words as well.

I smile apologetically as I brush away the bangs that have fallen into your face. I don't know why I did that… but I always do it to Meimi. I always did it for you.

"All right, although I can't guarantee my promise will continue after you get out of here," I murmur as my eyes glance around the room. Everything is so white, and it is almost as if you can get lost in all of it. The only thing that really stands out is your blue eyes, but they seem pale and dull in comparison to when you smile.

A moment of awkward silence follows my promise, and I don't know how to break it. You still seem to be in shock at my presence. Again, I just allow myself to move automatically as I take your hand.

You blink and shyly turn away.

"Were… were you here the whole time?"

I fidget nervously at your question. I always wonder how you manage to do this to me… even Mokuba and Meimi could never manage to make me nervous this effectively.

"Hai," I answer.

There's an uncomfortable silence as you finally turn to look me over. To look at _me_, rather than always looking the other way to avoid me. There's no malice in your light blue eyes, although there never is even when you are extremely mad. There is only curiosity and confusion… must you wonder so much why I am here? I know I hurt you eight years ago, but I had hoped that some of my words might have had some affect on you in the past week.

Right now though, I'm just glad that I haven't let go of your hand yet, which is still soft and warm. I realize, again, just how much I've missed this.

Of course, I wish it could have been under different circumstances, but I'll live with it. It's much better than having nothing, anyway.

"Gomen, Seto." I stare at you in shock as you apologize again… although I have no idea what you could be apologizing for. "It looks like I'm causing you trouble again, aren't I?"

"Don't say that," I snap, causing you to flinch. I must sound harsher than I meant to, so I quickly calm down the panic and surprise that welled up in my mind when you said that, "Don't… don't say that, Ryou. None of this is your fault… none of it. Don't try to blame yourself for something you can't control. You do that to yourself too much, and you shouldn't. It wasn't your fault. Don't let yourself believe otherwise."

"But if I hadn't left…."

"It wasn't as bad as what I did to you," I cut you off as I clasp your hand tighter. You blink at me, your light blue eyes blinking back the tears.

Why are you crying, Ryou? Could it be that I'm hurting you, although that is the last thing I want to do to you? I've hurt you so much, so how is it that I can be hurting you again when I want to help you.

"You gave me a warning… I knew it could have happened," the words stick to my throat as I desperately grab for anything to express what I have been thinking, what I have _known_, for so long, "I never told you. Never gave you a warning. Just one day we were together and the next I just left you. And I never bothered to go find you, to explain why I did it. I didn't even know why I did it that way. I never bothered to look for you. It wasn't until Jyounouchi and the others told me that you were gone that I finally realized it… realized that I had lost you and that you had more or less faded out of existence. And the most pathetic part about all of this is that it took me eight years to figure out what a mistake I made."

"Meimi-chan isn't a mistake," you reply quickly as you look at me. I can't help but smile… she will be very pleased to know that you are thinking of her, especially at a time like this.

But is it really that odd? We always seem to go off on tangents when we should be focusing on what is most important.

"Her mother sure was," I mutter.

You scowl somewhat jerkily at me, but I'm grateful for it. It's the first bit of life I've seen from you since Meimi's birthday party.

"You shouldn't say such things, Seto. I'm sure Mami-san is a good person once you get to know her better."

I can only stare at you in disbelief, and I wonder if you really do believe that or not. Perhaps you do, but perhaps you don't. Still, I'm the one who lived with her for much too long, and I think I know her much better than I would ever want to know her.

How do you manage to care for people who have done everything in their power to hurt you?

"I'm sorry, Ryou," the words are barely more than a whisper, but the room is so quiet except for the constant beeping of the heart monitor that it's easy to hear them, "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I hurt you so much, that all of this had to happen. I was never good at expressing my feelings, but what I did was still wrong.

"I never stopped loving you. I know it sounds unrealistic since I'm the one who left you, but it's true. The entire time, I still felt the guilt eating away at me, even if it took me this long to figure out exactly what it was.

"Meimi helped. She's like you in so many ways, although I never realized it at a conscious level. Maybe I just didn't want to. Or maybe I did notice, and that's why I love her so much.

"I know I hurt you, and that you're afraid I'll end up hurting you again. I know that I was the one who ruined all of this, and I would understand if you said no but…."

My voice trails off as I try to figure out exactly what I want to say.

_ If this was right… if we were never meant to be together, why does it hurt so much when we aren't together? Why did I keep thinking about you, and why did you keep thinking about me? If all of this was so damn wrong, why is it that outside of Mokuba and now Meimi, the only person who could make me truly happy was you?_

I take in a deep breath as I stare into your eyes, which are still filled with the tears that I involuntarily created. "I came here, Ryou, to get an answer to my question. An answer that only you can give me."

You turn pale, "Seto…."

"I need an answer, Ryou. I need an answer or I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering if we ever had a chance. I think we do, but it doesn't mean anything if you don't think so as well.

"You told me that once you went back to America, none of this was going to matter. But that's not true, Ryou. It's not over, and it's never going to be over. I still care for you, although I didn't manage to show it. I came here to prove you wrong, so that maybe you can answer that question. Can you?"

You blink again, and some of the tears escape as they fall down your face. Right now, it almost feels as if I'm holding an angel in my grasp, and I'm fighting for the right to take you home with me. Fighting for a relationship that I destroyed, but now want nothing more than to have back.

"… I… I don't know how to answer your question, Seto." You're crying now, and I can feel your hand tighten around mine. "I don't know why I ran away again… I don't know why any of this happened. You've been trying so hard and the only thing I can do is run away when I want nothing more than for you to hold me, but when you do it hurts so much because I get so confused on what you want and why you are doing it and… and I don't know what to _do_ anymore. I was so happy last week and then I wasn't and I didn't know what else to do. It felt so right but it was so wrong and…."

Your voice trails off as you continue to cry helplessly. For a moment, I can only sit there, petrified, as I watch you break down like this.

Then, gently, I lean over to brush away some of the tears.

"Let's try again, Ryou."

You turn to look at me, your eyes shocked and lips slightly parted. I smile, and although it is a sad smile, it's pathetically hopeful at the same time.

"I know I already asked and you already said no, but I have to try again. Maybe this way, we can find an answer together, Ryou. This way, we can put both our doubts to rest.

"I want to make you happy again. I don't know if I will succeed, but I want to at least try. That's all I want. I just want to make you happy again."

For a moment, you can only stare at me. And I know that there isn't anything else I can say… anything else I can confess. I've told you everything I could, I've given you everything I possibly can.

It's up to you now, and I can only hope now.

Suddenly, for the first time in such a long time, you smile despite the tears that had been falling only a minute before. And it's almost as if we've gone back in time to over a decade ago, and I'm asking you if we could stop pretending to be lovers and really do so.

You had been crying then, as well. But through your tears, you told me that you loved me. And although you have yet to say those words again now, I can tell from your smile that your feelings have not yet died.

"I'd like that, Seto," you finally whisper, almost shyly.

Before you can change your mind, before somebody can come and disrupt us, or before the sky can fall on our head the earth swallow us whole in another attempt to keep any of this from happening, I lean over and kiss you.

It is a gentle kiss, since you are still hurt and I don't want you to cause you any more harm. But just because it is gentle doesn't mean that it feels any different from before.

Nothing else matters right now, except you. When I kiss you, it's as if all my troubles are temporarily misplaced, and I don't need to worry anymore. Because how can I worry when I have somebody like you in my life?

I wish I could embrace you… hold you and make sure you never leave me again.

But I suppose that will have to wait until later. Right now, as we break apart, I can hear you laughing softly for some reason… I'm not sure what it is myself.

I can only laugh with you before I kiss you again.

I've missed this so much….

Notes:

Note 1 has been removed, as the song lyrics have been removed and therefore note is no longer applicable.

(2) I decided not to count the duel between Pegasus and Seto in volume 13 as a yami no game because the monsters were still holograms.

(3) Interesting… for some reason, when I was writing this part, I kept hearing Yami no Bakura's Duelist Kingdom voice actress saying this so that's how it got into the story. ;;

(4) But, however.

(5) I figure Bakura was, at most, in his early twenties when he started to steal. In chapter 308 (I believe), the manga goes into how the Sennen Items were made 15 years prior to Yami no Yuugi's memory phase. In it, Bakura looks to be about… 5 or 6, maybe.

(6) If you've seen the duel between Noah and Seto, this scene was inspired by the part where Noah does the same thing to Mokuba. The animation was very pretty… and my friend freaked out _so_ much when she saw it.

(7) cough Chibizoo-san….

(8) This is basically the same word as used in the last chapter, except with a different honorific.

Well, mina-san… that's that. See? I promised I would get them back together (more or less in one piece), and I kept my promise…. :) I hope you are all satisfied with the ending of the sequel to "Fairydust".

It's been an experience, hasn't it? I'm really very happy… I admit that I didn't enjoy this fic as much as "Fairydust", but how can it compare? "Fairydust" was my first real hit, and it was the first time I got to meet so many wonderful people. And by those standards, this fic definitely did not fail me. I have met so many people through these two stories, some through e-mails and IM, others just through your kind reviews and encouragement.

What can I say? I'm really happy, and I'm very thankful to you all. I came across many rough spots in this fic, and school was definitely not helping… but I enjoyed it.

Something I wanted to point out was how it was easy for most characters in this story to accept Ryou and Seto's sexual preferences. While writing this story, I often had doubts about whether or not it really would be this easy for them to be accepted. However, later on, I decided that since this story does take place about ten years into the future, perhaps society has become more accepting. I don't know if that really will happen or not, but it is a nice thought for the future.

Since this is starting to sound like a speech and none of us really want that, I just need to thank somebody before I explain my plans for upcoming fics. This fic, to put it simply, would not have been complete without rayemars-san. Honestly, I really just make such stupid mistakes, some time, but at least you're there to catch them for me. XD Of course, I know this isn't an invitation for me to make more stupid mistakes! However, your beta-reading was just… amazing. It's the only word I can think of (without pulling up the thesaurus, of course), and it made this story the best it could be. Your little side comments really helped too… I still want to put them up in their own special chapter! But I won't, for your sake. glomp Thank you so much.

And, of course, my thanks to everyone who read this story, reviewed this story, _enjoyed_ this story. You've all been great.

As for my upcoming plans… well, I'm not quite done with Seto and Ryou, it would seem. Although I have no intention of committing myself to another long story in this universe (sorry to everyone who wanted a sequel!), I am going to start publishing "Kuwashiku" (Detail), a collection of short stories that take place during, between, or after "Fairydust" and "Look the Other Way". It's not really a big thing… it's just that there are some aspects of these stories that I want to explore with more depth.

Other than that, I am departing from the Seto/Ryou coupling when it comes to my next major story "Painted Sky", a Seto/Ryuuji.

I hope to see you all again in one of these stories or perhaps both… but if not, I can only thank you again. Your support has really meant a lot to me.

grin Shutting up.

Pikachumaniac

July 10, 2003

_ owari _


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